Uninvited to My Funeral

AND I MEAN IT!! The following people are NOT to let into my funeral (not that I think they would come anyway but they might show up just to be sarcastic) so, much like when Bernard, Eric, and UNLV Jacket banned Kim at the door from my party in 1988, THESE people will be bounced on out:

  1. Kim
  2. Carol
  3. Halima
  4. Elton John:  If you show up at my funeral and sing “Candle in the Wind” I will climb out of my coffin and kill you MYSELF! You’re not supposed to use the same funeral song over and over!!!!

In previous times I have said Monique should not be allowed but I have relented and she shall be invited in. This list will be updated as needed. Any update that posts from me after the date and time of my actual death should be VERY suspect.

Oh yes, I don’t want to be cremated because I find the viewing of the body right before burial to be frightfully romantic. And I want to be buried with a card on my chest that says “I’d still rather be here than at Leroy’s”.

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.

7 Responses to “Uninvited to My Funeral”

  1. Phelps says:

    Aidan should be uninvited, because he might want to do the same things to your corpse that you want to do to Rack’s.

  2. mexi says:

    I will have a strategically placed electrical outlet placed there (facing out)for just such an occasion!

  3. Cosmic Siren says:

    Are you still planning to have Rich run in on the middle of the service and scream obscenities at your body?

  4. mexigogue says:

    Wow, did I really say that? I don’t remember it but it sounds like something I would say. I dare say I’m one clever fellow!

  5. Cosmic Siren says:

    Yes, you did. You wanted to make sure you weren’t being buried alive. (Though, if you’re embalmed, it’s a pretty sure thing that you aren’t alive.)

    I like your list. It makes me feel so much firmer on my opinion that I shouldn’t attend my ex’s funeral when he finally goes. And with my kids being teenagers, I don’t even have to feel like I have to take them to it. They can get on a bus or have a relative pick them up on the way to the funeral.

  6. rae says:

    I am SO glad I’m not on the list!!

  7. mexigogue says:

    NOt only may you come to my funeral, I fully expect you to immolate yourself on my grave India style! And at that point you might as well bring some cigarettes.

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