Random Observations

Here are some things I’ve learned or thought of in the past 24 hours. They come in no particular order.

1. Perhaps when drunk people fall down it’s God’s way of telling them it’s time to go home before they say some more dumb shit.

2. There is no question of affirmative action in pool. If you sink the 8-ball, your opponent doesn’t get to speculate if the only reason it went in is because you’re a person of color. And if the table isn’t level, it’s not level for the other guy either.

3. 33-year olds DON’T NEED VIAGRA!!! (If I ever study this issue any further, I’ll make sure that I’M NOT BY MYSELF NEXT TIME!!)

4. Al Sharpton needs to buzz that do. Malcolm X got rid of his conk in the 1940s. What is this guy holding out for?

5. When you visit a chick you went to school with and she has an 18 year old daughter whose boobs are about to explode out of her shirt, you’re supposed to pretend not to notice. Note: you’re also supposed to somehow still come across as heterosexual.

6. Benny Goodman is cooler than 50 cent.

7. Until last week I thought John Kerry was somehow related to Jim Carrey.

8. Thomas Jefferson actually *is* related to The Jeffersons.

9. There is no such diagnosis as “Old Timer’s Disease”.

10. A vote either way in November will result in bigger government. It’s only a question of if we want to fund global domination or liberal social programs that award money to people who didn’t earn it.

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