The Day that I had to Think Fast

On my first day of kindergarten I saw some kid punch another kid in the face, making him cry. I thought to myself “What was that crazy bitch thinking sending me here?” But I learned to get along and I got to like kindergarten. In fact I was pretty damn good at it.

Then one blustery autumn day my mom send me to school wearing thermonuclear underwear. I didn’t want to wear it because it was visible at my ankles and I was mortified at the prospect of becoming the laughingstock of the class, but my protests went to no avail. So I’m in school later on that day, having nearly forgotten about it, when this girl points at the exposed and offending product at my ankles and said “What’s that?”

I’m not normally one to think quickly on my feet (I usually think of something extremely witty the day after the situation presents itself) but in this case I calmly replied “It’s bionics.” The little girl was like “Ooh, everybody look, this kid has bionics!” To my infinite horror the rest of the kids came over to admire my superhuman prosthetics and they were all like “Can we touch it?” I was like “I don’t care” and they were completely fooled, every last one of them.

It was a nice out for me and it further goes to prove my other long held premise and it is this: small children are really stupid!Thank you, I’ll be available later for autographs.

3 Responses to “The Day that I had to Think Fast”

  1. Phelps says:

    Damn, I wasn’t paying attention in my newsfeed and I thought that Amanda posted this.

  2. faye says:


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