The Day I Couldn’t Breathe

1992

I had recently split up with my fiancee so I was back living with my mom and younger brother on Kilborn Street. The downstairs neighbor was a big chick and a thespian. At least I think she was because she was always having sex with the landlady’s daughter. Her name was Rochelle and she also had a heterosexual friend named Lachelle who was also a big chick. . . I mean a REAL big chick. Lachelle had pretty eyes (pure and innocent, like a cow’s) but she was just fucking big.

One day I’m sitting on the porch with my neighbor and her friend and Lachelle is smiling at me as if I was a sammich. I’m drinking my second forty of Colt 45 and the more I drink the narrower she got until it was the point where she was only chunky. One thing led to another and we started making out. We didn’t have anywhere to go so we did it in her red sports car which was a feat in and of itself because I would have had to be two people in order to get my arms around her. There was so much weight bouncing the car up and down I thought the hubcaps were gonna all pop off at once and the windows were rolled up so I couldn’t breathe. This relationship went on for about a week.

You know what, I don’t think I should tell this story. I’d better stop before this becomes degrading. Anway how’s everybody else doing? I got tomorrow off cuz I gotta use leave time before the New Year or lose it. What’s up with y’all?

*editor’s note: sometimes, when remembering things that happened a decade or more ago I might mix up dates by a year or so. My “The Day That” stories might be factually inacurrate regarding a strict timeline but any such instance would be a mistake is not intentional.

6 Responses to “The Day I Couldn’t Breathe”

  1. She was not BIG. She was FAT!

  2. mexi says:

    I’m aware of that. I was trying to be sensitive, you JERK!!!

  3. Phelps says:

    I’m in Cleveland, motherfucker! How do you THINK I’m doing?!?

  4. mexi says:

    I was gonna say it could be worse but on second thought. . . . even East St. Louis would be a tie. 🙁

  5. My friend Daryl justified doing fat chicks with the line “she’s not fat, she is fun fat” mexi your chick doesn’t sound all that fun

  6. mexi says:

    Ooh forgot. She had the snappin’ pussy. Up until then I thought Richard Pryor was just making it up.

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