Phelps is in Cleveland.  Let’s give him some good advice on that great Midwestern tourist hubub.  Let’s see. . . .   Back when I accompanied King Kong my ex-wife to the Cleveland Clinic I noticed that everybody in Cleveland seems to be fat.  The locals often end up with health problems so they end up at the hospital.  Now I know I could stand to lose some weight my damn self but everybody there called me “Slim” so that should tell you something.  And then to top it all off, unless they’ve changed in the past three years, the hospital actually has a McDonalds in it.  Way to keep the return business.  Anyway that’s a great place to go if you’re into scoping out teh fat people.  Hell I’d go there too if we weren’t shorthanded this week.

I have a whole bunch of the symptoms for clinical depression but strangely I’m not sad.  I just no longer enjoy doing the things I used to and I haven’t found anything I like to do lately except play video games and sleep.  I don’t want to be on medications because I think it’s wrong to alter your mind with chemicals.  Speaking of which I need to get one of these so I can make the cork sound when I drink liquor just like Russ Martin does on his show. Mmmmmm ethyl alcohol!

I can’t believe Michael Richards stooped to meeting with Jesse Jackson and I further can’t believe Jesse Jackson stooped to meeting with Michael Richards.  I hate them both so much I lament the wasted perfect opportunity for a grenade.  Sigh!


10 Responses to “Cleveland”

  1. mexi says:

    Uh oh, chest pains!

  2. I’m in Cleveland this week. Phelps where you at we gottsta gottsta get some beers in…………

  3. mexi says:


  4. Phelps says:

    I’m staying downtown. I will probably be working late all week, but I might be able to arrange an hour or two. And this town is insane, and not the good YEE HAW Texas kind.

    “Its really hot in our conference room. Could we get some more AC?”

    “Sorry, all we can do is turn up the fan.”

    “Huh? You don’t have AC here?”

    “Oh, we do, but not in winter.”

    “You know that old man winter is blowing along at about 75 degrees, right?”

    Blank stare.

    People in Texas joke that people from other states are foriegners, but I’m really starting to believe it. It seems unamerican to turn off the AC because the calendar told you to.

  5. I’m staying by the airport…..let me know if you get off at a decent hour..

  6. Phelps says:

    I’m also getting more stares and double takes than usual, and I think it is because I’m the only guy with long hair around. In Texas long hair isn’t a big deal. (Think Willie Nelson.). Up here, it stands out. Hell, in Oklahoma, I’m a lightweight. (Think Hansen.)

    Plus, when you add in my drawl, that makes me exotic. That’s right ladies. Line up to swoon for the long haired country boy from Texas.

  7. Phelps: People ought to stare at you because that’s what us common folk do to Bushbots and government agents.

    Mexi: Drew Carey is FAT. Does he live in Cleveland or Cincinatti?

  8. Phelps: Get a (short) haircut.

  9. UNLV: ‘Meet’cha at the gym at the Hotel?

  10. Phelps says:

    Drew Carey is from Cleveland, hence the show theme “Cleveland Rocks”.

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