Turn Your Yeast Infection into $$$ Profit!

I’ll never die.  I was thinking about this the other day, about the fact that when I was younger I used to get panic attacks, imagining that my heart was about to stop and I’d begin hyperventilating.  I used to worry that I would get a sponaneous aneurism and just keel over but the more I think of it, every time I check I’m still alive.  And as long as I’m checking (in the future) I will STILL be alive.  Awareness of ones own death would require life which would be illogical, ergo, as far as I’m concerned, I will never die.  At the most I will go through the process of dying but I can do any ridiculous and retarded move that I want and I will never be dead (to me) so fuck you all!

Given that last thought I was just about to go and do a bunch of motorcycle stunts but it just occured to me that a) I still might get hurt real bad and b) I don’t own a motorcyle so I gonna table that last line of reasoning there.  I will, however, eat fried chicken for lunch with nary a concern with transfatty watchcalls.  Take that Angel of Death, you don’t be got no sting!

Furthermore, why is everybody mad at O.J.? Yes, maybe he went a little bit overboard in killing two people but for God’s sake he WON THE HEISMAN TROPHY PEOPLE!!! AND RUSHED FOR (I can’t believe I have to repeat myself because I’m certain I’ve pointed this out before) 2,003 YARDS IN A 14 GAME SEASON!!! DOESN’T THAT OUTWEIGH ONE OUTBURST??? WHAT DID HE RUIN L.A.’S RAP AS A CRIMELESS CITY????

In other news if that’s you Halima who is hitting the blog from Detroit lately to see if I’m going to write anything about you regarding our FOC issues, I assure you I am not.  I’m not even mad at you anymore so you don’t have to waste your time reading this site to make sure I don’t say anything negative about you.  I’m not mad at you, I don’t hate you, I NOTHING you.  And that’s where that ends, there’s no reason for me to be petty. 

P.S.  You overcooked that steak in 1999 (an HOUR??? WTF???) but I ate it anyway because I didn’t want you to feel bad.  I think I got mesothelioma from the rapid oxidization.  Ok I won’t say anything bad after THAT! 😀

20 Responses to “Turn Your Yeast Infection into $$$ Profit!”

  1. Yea…well…Since he’s so fast and bad, at least he could have treated us to a high speed chase on national television.

  2. Nice Rack says:

    Why would a man who went to trial for the murder of his wife later come out and say, well this is how I would really kill someone? Is he seriously brain dead? Not the smartest thing in the world.

  3. mexi says:

    I’m sure his kids are getting a kick out of it!

  4. Nice Rack says:

    I’ve heard that people who don’t believe that they will die end up refusing to accept their actual death when it occurs. Then their spirit is forever trapped in limbo, never finding eternal peace or something like that. Of course, you would have to believe in spirits and ghosts to buy into this.

  5. mexi says:

    If you’re getting dressed and you hear a ghost going “huh huh! huh huh! huhuhuh!” You know what time it is.

  6. Nice Rack says:

    Is that ghost laughter or ghost masturbation? I’m not sure what time it is.

  7. mexi says:

    Picture Beavis & Butthead peeking into the girls’ lockerroom.

  8. R says:

    I’m sorry, but after using the same Beavis and Butthead joke on two different comment sections (one being your own), you definitely fall into the category of abuse.

    Man, get some help.

  9. mexi says:

    At least when my parents were naming me MY PARENTS COULD AFFORD MORE THAN JUST ONE LETTER!!!

  10. You never answered my question. Why didn’t OJ lead a high-speed chase?

  11. Phelps says:

    They can’t do anything to him, NR. The gummint only gets one chance to put you in jail. If you fool them the first time, you can run around wearing a “I murdered my ex-wife and her Jew boyfriend and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” shirt and they couldn’t do anything about it.

    If you do siamese twins, does it still count as a menage-a-trois?

  12. mexi says:

    What if only one of the heads consent? Do you have to put tape down the middle and then stay on one side???  Would that pass the “reasonable person” test?

  13. mexi says:

    Like this thing right here. What if it grows up and then you want to have sex with it and one of the heads consents but the other doesn’t. So you of course do it and then one of the heads brings you up on charges of rape and you’re convicted. After the trial can you get the conviction tossed on account of hey goddammit, you didn’t properly sequester the witness??? Or maybe you could sequester using the helmet that Luke used for his Jedi training??

  14. mexi says:

    Your honor, I didn’t get heads, I just got head!

  15. It depends, on whether or not it has two cunts sets of sex organs. Also, what if the judge subpoenas one and the other refuses to appear in court?

  16. mexi says:

    Or if the two try to run different directions. . . Can the head that wins be charged with kidnapping?

  17. Faye says:

    I’m not mad at OJ…ready to read the book

  18. HMT says:

    $500?

    try $5000.

    I’m fucken done, son!

  19. Hey, Mexi, thanks for responding. I am very lonely.

    You put me on your blogroll. You are one of the only two commenters/visitors that I have ever had. Thank you. Ya’ know, just since you did that, you might throw me a comment and a view…oh…say…once a week or so to let me know whether I am on the right path or not.

  20. Vee says:

    Comments went from OJ to the dilemma of having consensual sex with siamese twins. How I love this place.

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