The Day I Played a Joke On Mrs. Monk

Winter of ’86/’87

I’m in Mrs. Monk’s history class in San Angelo Central High School. I’m finally settling down to actually living in West Texas, having found a fellow northern classmate named Cheri to spend time with after school hours. During school Mrs. Monk’s class is one of my favorites as the people here are kind of cool. There is some guy named Brian who kind of reminds me of Foghorn Leghorn’s cousin who did everything better than him. Then there’s this insane red haired dude who reminds me of Bunny from the movie Platoon. These people are really funny and by the end of the semester everybody knows me well enough to where almost the entire left side of the class copies off my paper for the final exam. My half passes with flying colors but that’s not the issue on the day in question. Today I’m trying to figure out what to do about all this melted chocolate on my fingers.

It seems that my Hershey bar was halfway melted by the time I opened it up when I got to class. Being the hardheaded kind of person I am I ate it anyway, hence the fingers of chocolate. What to do what to do. . . I look on Mrs. Monk’s desk and I see a roll of toilet paper she has sitting there for the many students who have come down with colds and need to blow their nose. Mrs. Monk is out of the classroom at this point so I get a diabolical plan: I go and wipe my chocolatey-fingers on the roll of toilet paper and I announce to the class that the sustance is benign. I ask them to pretend not to notice and we’ll see how long Mrs. Monk takes to notice the sullied TP. Everyone agrees and I’m dying to see her reaction.

Mrs. Monk comes back in the classroom and commences to teaching us something to do with medeival times. People are biting their lips to stifle laughter and the teacher goes on for about ten minutes, oblivious to the situation. Finally her eyes fall upon the suspect matter and she stops her speech mid-sentence. The brown smears on the toilet paper sit defiantly on her desk.

“I hope that’s not” she says “what I think it is.”

Laughing, dying, living, and crying I approach the teacher and tells her it’s Hershey’s chocolate. The class bursts into applause and all the b7tches throw their panties onto the stage! A ray of sunlight shines on my face and the angels sing. The end!

7 Responses to “The Day I Played a Joke On Mrs. Monk”

  1. I hope those panties thron on stage were clean. Nothing worse than geting hit ith some dirty panties…

  2. mexi says:

    I bloody well know what you’re talking about!

  3. Either you have developed a British writing style or you got hit with some really really nasty drawers. I pray to Jebus you are a wannabe Brit

  4. mexi says:

    Much like the Hersheys on the tp, the girls assured me the red panty blotches were just ketchup.

  5. If it was just ketchup, then that was a white stick of dynamite she shoved up her cooch

  6. mexi says:

    After I lit the fuse I wasn’t sticking around to find out!!!

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