This is a true story.  I woke up at about five o’clock in the morning the other day and I could not go back to sleep.  The question that was confounding me and would not let me rest was this:  are the Berenstain Bears Jewish? Berenstain. . .  Berenstein. . .  Is it possible they might have angelicized their surname just to fit in with the other bears? If so it wasn’t much of a disguise and almost anybody could figure it out but hey, they’re just bears right?

As I thought more on the subject it seemed to make sense.  They’re always conspicuously absent from attending functions that would require them to travel on the Sabbath.  And perhaps, I pondered, this is why they didn’t eat Goldilocks when they had the chance.  See, the Kashrut law forbids meals mixing meat and milk.  And since the bears had ostensibly just gotten done consuming porridge (which might have contained milk) this might explain why they didn’t maul Goldilocks on the spot and rip her limb from limb like I (and I know most of you) was hoping when I first heard this blasphemy of a story. 

Anyway my determination is that the Berenstain Bears are Jewish! (and yes, Mel Gibson, they are coming  to get you with their razor sharp six-pointed throwing stars!)

9 Responses to “Insomnia”

  1. Jenn says:

    Your mother’s Jewish.

  2. mexi says:

    I always tell her that when I borrow money and she tries to do the usury thing.

  3. Phelps says:

    That’s just the beer talking.

  4. mexi says:

    Man, now I’m all thirsty for Jewish beer.

  5. Nice Rack says:

    I used to read them all of the time. If I remember correctly, there is a Christmas book so they might not be Jewish. I could be wrong though, maybe you should investigate this issue further.

  6. carol says:

    Get some of those Kosher hot dogs….

  7. Nice Rack says:

    I just looked it up, because I am way bored at work, and I was correct. “The Bernstein Bears Meet Santa Bear” is one of the titles.

  8. mexigogue says:

    Ahhh. But anybody who’s read “The Protocols of the Elders of Zion” knows that dressing up Italian stunt doubles to look like Christian bears has been part of the the Zionist plot since day one! Nice try Nice Rackenberg!

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