I give you guys Frazier, you want The Three Stooges.  Ok fine, how about this.  I was reading an article about India’s subway monkey problem:

In an effort to keep monkeys out of the New Delhi subways, authorities have called in one of the few animals known to scare the creatures, a fierce-looking primate called the langur, The Hindustan Times newspaper reported Wednesday.

It occured to me that if a langur (whatever that is) is fierce enough to scare monkeys away from India’s subways, they might also be used to disperse the bums who hang out in front of the liquor store on Washington to bum money off the downtown office workers.  Langurs bitches! And a “Do not feed the bums” sign in front of the liquor store wouldn’t hurt either. 

We need to take the sense of entitlement away from beggars and replace it with the shame and stigma it once had attached to it just like God intended. If I have to make a choice as to whether I want to see a bum or a langur in front of the liquor store I’ll choose the langur every time.  Because at least he serves a purpose and is working for his money.

9 Responses to “Monkeys”

  1. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Don’t feed the bums. We need more laws like this

  2. Mexigogue says:

    The charity is called “Food Not Bombs”. I’m like why do they have to be mutually exclusive? Think outside the box!!!

  3. HMT says:

    I’m getting a Langur for my rig… and my karl strauss stash..

  4. Phelps says:

    W? T? F? If your problem is monkeys all over the place, you don’t solve it by getting bigger monkeys! Primate doesn’t mean dog, or tiger, it means MONKEY! (Yes, I know it technically means ape. I am smarter than you, if you are reading this blog, so you aren’t going to catch me on that.)

    This is like the a crack ho thinking that she can get clean if she just smokes one big ass rock a day instead of two small ones. Sure, langurs would do fine for getting rid of bums, since bums aren’t monkeys (because monkeys are more entertaining) but there are better ways to get rid of bums. For example, lemon Pledge. That’s why bums always stink. They are alergic to lemon Pledge. If a bum starts harrassing you, spray lemon Pledge in his eyes, and he will fall down screaming.

    You know what I’ve never seen? A midget bum. Do they get a check from the government or something that keeps them off the street?

  5. Mexigogue says:

    That’s because every time they try pulling themselves up by their bootstraps they throw themselves into traffic. It’s a victimless crime!!!

  6. Mexigogue says:

    And yeah Phelps, you’re right about the big monkey/little monkey thing, but it’s India. If you call to try and complain you know they’re gonna put you on hold and then come back on and ask if you have your computer plugged in and if all the cables are connected.

  7. R says:

    Are Indian citizens allowed to own firearms? Or at least blowguns, right? Shoot the fuckers!

  8. Mexigogue says:

    Some day I’m going to travel to India just so I can go around calling everybody “Tonto”.

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