All the Beaner’s Chicks Want Me

So there’s this Beaners coffee place a block away from where I work. I go there every morning on my way to work and there’s this chick who works there who is very friendly. A little too friendly because it’s kind of annoying to have to think of answers to various questions such as “So how was your weekend?”, “How are you doing this morning?”, and “What’s that thing growing on your face?” (answer: a baby-arm but it’s none of your business). But seriously I know those people are supposed to be friendly but this one is too much so and she’s making it so I begin to dread going in the place. Yap yap yap! Sometimes, dammit, all I want is coffee. I don’t feel like making small talk at 7:45 in the morning, especially with all the important shit I got on my mind.

So I’ve taken to going all the way to the OTHER Beaner’s when I’m on my 10:00 break. Not that I dislike the chick at the first place but since I can’t tell if she’s just being friendly because it’s her job I don’t know how to respond so it makes things all weird for me. I endure the hardship of walking one whole block the OTHER direction to get coffee at the other place. So I’m in line and his new chick at the other Beaner’s is smiling at me when I’m in line. I smile back and then start looking at the ground. If I can just get in and out of this place with some coffee. . . I pay for a refill and, taking care not to make any eye contact, begin filling the container.

“Where are you from?” the chick asks me. It’s a weird question but since I’m a weird person I guess that makes us even. I’m not sure what she’s getting at so I hedge.

“I’m from Lansing.”

She looks back as if she expected something else. She looks kind of Latina and I think I detected a hint of an accent so I add: “I was born in Texas but I don’t remember it.” She smiles back.

“Hablas espanol?” Oh jeez, here it comes. The part where I’m put on the spot and my Spanish isn’t that great. I reply (in perfect Spanish pronunciation) with a line that I’ve memorized:

“Yo tengo problemas con me gramatica en Espanol.” (translated: I have trouble with my grammar in Spanish).

She responds (in Spanish) that despite my claim my Spanish sounds fine. I ask her in English where she’s from. She says she’s from Mexico. I start to ask her if she slammed into UNLV’s wife’s car but then I decide not to as she probably won’t know what I’m talking about. I say something else about being from Texas and I manage to leave.

Can I just get a coffee without women throwing themselves at me? Evidently the terrorist-ee look is in these days.

27 Responses to “All the Beaner’s Chicks Want Me”

  1. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    Maybe they like you ’cause they think you are a fellow beaner. La Raza sukas

  2. mexi says:

    I should have asked for a bean & cheese burrito.

  3. Nice Rack says:

    Bring your camera to Auggies tonight. Navea is supposed to meet us there.

  4. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    take your camera and get a good shot of Rack’s rack.

  5. mexi says:

    I’m gonna have another Redline . The last time I had one of those I didn’t blink for an hour!

  6. Phelps says:


    (Just coffee.)

  7. mexi says:

    Three dollars at the health store in the mall. And the last time I drank one I felt normal for about three hours. I’ve been feeling tired for the past year. I think I got diabetes. Either that or the SIDS.

  8. Nice Rack says:

    UNLV, you want a cleavage shot or what?

  9. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    Yes, I want a cleavage shot. I need a cleavage shot

  10. Nice Rack says:

    Need? How much are you willing to pay?

  11. L says:

    OMG…my sister just quit the beaners downtown, she said it was because she was tired of the annoying, dumb bitch that works there! Wow! You probably checked out my sister once or twice. She probably didn’t make a lot of cute talk and she probably just threw the coffee at you. laugh.

  12. mexi says:

    Hey I think I know who you’re talking about. And yes I did check her out! I know EXACTLY who you mean because she’s been missing from there lately!

  13. mexi says:

    Hey did your sister have ham and black bean soup on Easter Sunday? Because the girl i’m thinking of told me she had that. I remember it to this day.  Call her and  ask her that!!

  14. L says:

    no, my sister had kibby and grapeleaves and chicken with wheat and eggplant and lasagne and black olive ziti on easter. i remember that until this day. there may have been ham and black bean soup there too though.

  15. mexi says:

    This chick said it was @ her grandmother’s house.

  16. L says:

    she looks like a younger, more fem version of me. she appears less ethnic also. her boobs are just like mine.

  17. mexi says:

    Oh no oops i’m thinking about the wrong girl.  The girl who is probably your sister dind’t  tell me about easter, it was the taller girl who told me that.

  18. L says:

    yes, easter was a NANNI’S HOUSE!

  19. mexi says:

    I’m so confused. But I know the girl who looks kind of you-ish must be your sister.

  20. mexi says:

    SOMEBODY mentioned black bean soup. And then I said that my Cuban friends gave me black bean soup once and then I said that Cubans are all insane and then I rushed out because one of the guys behind the counter was Latino and I thought I better go in case he was Cuban and was gonna turn all Scarface on me.

  21. L says:

    oh, well then it probably wasnt her. she’s 5’4″ plus the 2 inch shoes.

  22. L says:

    she has light brown/green eyes and blondish hair.

  23. mexi says:

    Ask your sister if she remembers a terrorist-ee looking guy talking bad about cubans.

  24. mexi says:

    I KNOW who you’re talking about, and she either wears glasses or she should I can’t remember.

  25. mexi says:

    OOH! OOH! she had her HAND in a bandage recently!!!

  26. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    Her boobs are just like L’s….

  27. Citizen Quasar says:

    What do you expect from beaners?

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