Pool and Strippers

I sank the 8-ball on a break yesterday, but that was only in the backdrop of what was going on at the bar last night. The most attention-grabbing thing was the two strippers who were shooting pool at the corner table. We knew they were strippers because they were talking about (of all things) the fact that they were strippers, where and when they worked, and about how much money they had made that week. They talked to each other, they talked to the creepy older guy that was with them (I pegged him as the strip club manager whether he was or not), and one of them kept talking to somebody on the phone. All the conversation were about stripping and about the people they had met at the strip club.

One thing that annoys me about strippers is that they don’t call themselves that. They refer to themselves as “dancers”. Yeah, if you’re being Ginger Rogers to somebody’s Fred Astaire, if you’re on Broadway, if the place you work is referred to as “the theatre”, then maybe people are paying to watch you dance. But if the place you work is referred to as a club, if the Incredible Hulk is working the door, if your place of business has a floor to ceiling pole in the middle of the floor and there are no fire engines in sight I think the chances are good that guys are paying to see you strip, ergo you are a stripper. The fact that you dance at the same time is just an aside.

Anyway me and my homie B were shooting pool and these strippers were the only other customers on that side of the building. At some point the Creepy Older guy went away and the strippers started doing some erotic lesbianesque dancing at various times during their pool games. And they would look over at us and wink. I thought what in the fuck are they winking for? I hope they don’t mean to imply that my homie B and I are supposed to reciprocate by doing some homo-erotic dancing of our own because that ain’t gonna happen! But then it occured to me that they were probably just trying to get us to send over some free drinks. Anybody who knows how stingy I am when it comes to stuff like that knows that that would be about as likely as the homo-erotic dancing so I just kept shooting pool. Getting involved with a stripper usually turns out to be bad news anyway.

One time I got involved with a girl who had been a stripper at one of Lansing’s seedier downtown strip clubs. She had told me a story of a guy who tried to sue the place because during the show a crab had allegedly jumped off this girl’s octopusswah and into his eye, causing it to become infected. I’m like what a charming story, check please! And one of my friends got involved with this stripper and she became angry when he rejected the idea of having their relationship become serious. He told her “I’m not going to have a stripper for a girlfriend.” She said “Why not?” He said “I’m not gonna have girlfriend who gets paid to show her stuff to everybody.” She said “You should be proud to have a girlfriend that all the guys want to see naked. You should be honored!”

Hey man, are you so desirous of my car that you’re trying to steal it? That makes me feel good man. I’m honored!

Ahhh, the wisdom of strippers.

And truth be known most strippers are too skinny anyway which means society’s standards are just wrong. I know this because the other day I was at the receptionist’s desk flipping through the ads looking at the women in the lingerie section. It took me a few minutes before I realized I was looking the womens’ plus sizes ads. I looked around to make sure nobody saw me and then I said fuggit and kept looking at the plus size women. Say what you want, there’s something to be said for looking at women who don’t look like skeletons.

Oh yeah and you know what? That 8-ball break I had? 15 oz stick on that one b7tches!!! RECOGNIZE!!!

14 Responses to “Pool and Strippers”

  1. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    Nothing beats having s stripper over for Christmas dinner only to find out your fat uncle is her “regular”.

  2. mexi says:

    You should have felt honored!!!

  3. mexi says:

    Haha! When I picture someone feeling ‘honored’ I picture them dressed like King Vitamin. I don’t know why but that makes it funnier!

  4. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    I was honored when that chick told me that, but I was only in it for the pu$$y. She wasn’t going ot be my girlfriend even if she hadn’t been a stripper. I needed an excuse, I didn’t want to tell her I already had a girlfriend ’cause that would have started some shit. Damn I was good back in the day

  5. mexi says:

    “I’m not a stripper, I’m a dancer.”

    “I’m not a whore, I’m a ho!”

    SDFDKFASJDKFJASDKLJFALSJFSDLKFJS!!!!

  6. HMT says:

    crabs from pussy to eye!???

    NOW we’re talkin.. Satan enjoys that story!

  7. Nice Rack says:

    Mexi, if you are going out tonight let me know. I don’t have to work tomorrow and I’m in a pissed off mood

  8. mexi says:

    Ok great I just took tomorrow off too so I can get a massive headache if I want!!!!

  9. Nice Rack says:

    Alright, where do you want to meet punk?

  10. Mexigogue says:

    Call me and we’ll decide!!!

  11. Phelps says:

    If she’s gonna hit you anyways, make sure you sniff it first!

  12. Nice Rack says:

    He’s not going to be sniffing anything.

  13. Mexigogue says:

    Oh, you’re still at work. No wonder your phone won’t answer itself.

Leave a Response