More Ernest Becker

Last week I posted an excerpt from The  Denial of Death that talked about how man’s death terror leads him to try to find a higher value by which he can transcend death.  This week I’m on to the part where he is discussing how man, in the absence of a belief in a supernatural deity on which to project this image, often turns to projecting the qualities of the god-like onto the love partner.  I paraphrase because the book is at home.

The author says that in order to get this concept one has only to look at the lyrics of popular love songs you hear everyday:  “You are my one, my all, my everthing”, “I can’t live without you, I can’t breathe without you”, and “Don’t ever leave me or I’ll fucking kill you.”  All these lyrics belie not only classic symptoms of obsession but, if uttered outside the context of a song would likely make the individual a candidate for psychiatric attention.  But it’s not just artistic license, there are many people who seek desperately to associate themselves with another in order to draw the strength that they sorely lack, hence the idea of another person making one “complete”.  The implication is that the individual by himself is only a barely sustainable piece of a person.

The obvious result of this, however, is that no one can be a god to another inasmuch as people are all inherently mortal with their own weaknesses and fallabilities.  These unreasonable expectations necessarily lead to disappointments when the love/transference object then fails to live up to the idealized role.  “What is wrong?” “You shouldn’t have to ask, you should just know” then takes on a deeper meaning (bitch you ‘posed to be omniscient!) that was my example, not Ernest Becker’s, thank you vury much!

What implications does this have for humankind? I will tell you.  So one day you’re getting the obligatory hummer from a trannie and your spouse pops in on you.  “Oh haha” you say, “It’s what you think but it’s no big deal, it’s just a hummer from a trannie.”

You would think.  But when you’re in a committed relationship, it’s never just a hummer from a trannie.

The failure of the transference object to live up to the standard of the godlike often then results in the total rejection of that person and herein lies the danger.  When one’s partner has hitherto been looked upon as the source of the good, the person’s causa sui if you will (and if you won’t then FUCK YOU), that person’s rejection does not simply turn them into a non transference object of the good (the godlike), it turns them into a transference object of the evil (the devil).  The result often  has very serious implications as witnessed by the fact that most instances of spousal/significant partner murder come within a month of the break-up.  It is in this way that the very naturalness of human fallibility is then used as justification for a very unnatural overreaction to that weakness, as such:  you have failed as my god, you will then perish like a devil!

Jeez.  Get over yourself! IT’S JUST A HUMMER FROM A TRANNIE!!!!!

The ultimate lesson in all this, people, is that if you ever are involved in a serious breakup, HIDE OUT for at least a few months until the other person’s psyche returns to at least a normal ranger of abnormality (neurosis rather than psychosis).  This is what I’m gleaning from this outstanding book.  Actually the meat of this writing is from Ernest Becker himself.  Only the potatoes are mine.

Good day!

12 Responses to “More Ernest Becker”

  1. R says:

    Hmmm. I was fortunate to be way the fuck on the other side of the country after my last serious breakup because I have no doubt she would have slashed my throat in my sleep had she been within feasible physical proxmity to do so.

  2. mexi says:

    Oh sweet, you broke up over the phone (or better yet thru text message), you’re my hero! Women say it’s bad form to break up anywhere but in person but that’s just because they wanna be able to grab ahold of you at the moment of the psychotic break.

  3. Nice Rack says:

    I’m never psychotic until I find out you were fucking some other whore while you were supposed to be committed to me. Then I just yell and cry a lot. Mexi knows, he’s seen me do it.

  4. mexi says:

    I cried once. But it was just because I got my face seared off by a flamethrower.

  5. Nice Rack says:

    In what video game?

  6. Phelps says:

    I cried once when I sat on my balls.

    And what does it say about your feelings about a significant other with lyrics like “I know you’re fucking someone else”? (My favorite Type O Negative song.)

  7. guy in the uNLV jacket says:

    just tell that bitch she has to go! That what UNLV does and it works perfectly. My #1 breakup line was “it’s not you baby. It’s me I just can’t commit to this relationship you deserve better.” They feel sorry for you and everything. I never told them about the other sluts, that’s a recipe for a tire slashin of epic porportions.

  8. mexi says:

    Heh! This one works too. Wait til she gets up to go the refrigerator. Say “While you’re up can you get me The Holy Grail?” and when she steps outside to go look for it you LOCK HER OUT!!!

  9. L says:

    When I first read that I thought it said “hummer from a trainee”. I was like, “Dude, whats wrong with that? OH, TRANNIE!”

    I didn’t see anything about the conceided type who transfers the god like image on them selves. (He can’t live without me, or He’ll be back, or Yah, I’m the shit” Then said dude leaves and they’re all confused like wtf just happend. “He really needs me to follow him around”, “He really needs me to check his vm messages”, “It’s just not possible that he actually likes that other chick”
    heh, heh. Yah I was once the good ex-gf fairy who magically appeared in the darkness and broke in his car through the sun roof with out the alarm going off at 4:30 am to put HOT CINNIMON ROLLS WITH MELTED ICING in his car so they would still be warm when he went out to go to work. secret stealthy ex gf with good intentions are scary.

  10. mexi says:

    Wowwwww, that sounds intriguing. I DEMAND YOU MARRY US!!!!

  11. R says:

    A buddy of mine once broke up with a girl by telling her that he had imbalanced testosterone levels that would lead him to screw other girls, so he wanted to break up with her before that happened.

    She believed him.

  12. Al Cowlings says:

    I knew a guy that broke up with his girlfriend once by sneaking over to her house, cutting her throat, and then hiding his bloody gloves behind his house.

    And he got away with it! Everyone thinks some Columbian Golfers did it!

Leave a Response