The Tube

Our office, which hitherto had existed in a leased office in Okemos, now resides in downtown Lansing on the 9th and 10th floors of X building. The other day I got a call from one of my co-workers on the other floor asking for interoffice envelopes. I told her I had some and I said I could bring them to her.

“Just put them in the tube” she said, “and send them to me.”

“The tube? What tube?”

“We have a tube up at the front like they use in banks. You can send stuff from the 9th to the 10th floor and back.”

Sweet! This new office rocks!

I grab the interoffice envelopes and go up to the front and ask the receptionist where the tube is.

“The tube? What tube?”

I explain to this n00b that we have a tube like they use in banks. Evidently she doesn’t know anything about it. I can’t believe she doesn’t know, she needs to get on the ball. I ask someone else. They don’t know either. I ask the Executive Secretary. She will certainly know as she has been familiar with the floor plan from when we were still at the old building. Another blank look. In fact nobody has any idea what I’m talking about and now everybody’s staring at me. Finally it dawns on me:

There is no tube, there never was. I’ve been had.

The moral of this story, dear readers, is never trust people. Because they SUCK!!! As practical jokes go that wasn’t even that funny. And it certainly wasn’t practical. Now pushing a co-worker from a 9th story window and chucking a box of interoffice envelopes out after them. THAT’S priceless!!

22 Responses to “The Tube”

  1. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:


  2. Linny says:

    when I started nursing school we (me and some equally insane friends of mine) told a couple of select people that I was going to be a nurse here at work, they were going to create a small clinic on site and I was going to be administering all of the piss tests, personally.

    That was over a year ago…

    a few months back this noob (I’m picking up your words) came up to have me give him his pee test… I’m like.. HUH??? he wanted to know if I had to watch him pee or if he could just give me the cup when he was done… he was serious as a heart attack… apparently someone had morphed the rumor into reality and he was prepared to drop trou…

    I was SOOO embarassed as this guy was hot as hell and immediately the thought of naked penises danced through my head…

    now… a few years back I might have gone into the bathroom with him… but… alas… times they have a’changed

    so just let the gal upstairs know that sometimes the practical jokes come back to haunt you…

    although, I admit… I did laugh at your “circumstance” but only for a minute

  3. Mexigogue says:

    Haha! i should send her some warm lemonade in the tube.

    Wait, I keep forgetting. There is no tube. Dammit!

  4. HMT says:

    hahahah.. such a fucken noob. I’ve ALWAYS wanted to use a ‘tube’ for delivering important documents. I’ve also wanted a laundry shoot from the 2nd floor down to the laundry room.

    we all have dreams.

  5. R says:




    OMG, noob. You’re so nubcake, dude.

  6. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    That reminds me of this noob I was in the Army with. His name was Chris Crumb and one day we gave him a hammer, a piece of chalk and told him to find soft spots in the armor on an M1 Tank while we went to the store. We returned 20 minutes later and sure as shit he found about 15 soft spots in the armor. WHat would the world be without noobs

  7. Chris Crumb says:


  8. R says:

    ROFL! That email addy is the shit.

  9. Peggy says:

    You have got to figure out something really good to get her back. But I can’t believe you fell for that. Guess you just weren’t expecting it.

  10. Nice Rack says:

    It’s KK’s birthday today, don’t forget to wish him a happy one.

  11. HMT says:

    Laurie, I just saw a nice set of boobies and I thought of you.

  12. Mexigogue says:

    Thanks for the 411 Nice Rack! I’m sure to see him on Americas Army which is where I was headed next!

  13. Nice Rack says:

    If you come to Michigan HMT, you can see mine in person! And we can all get the beers in, or whatever Mexi says.

  14. Citizen Quasar says:

    You been had, dude! And In good taste, in my opinion.

    However, since you did say that it was a “box of enveleopes”, memories of bank tellers telling me that “the tube” cannot move “two rolls of coins” makes me wonder if “the tube” can even deviler a box of envelopes.

    Maybe that was the real joke.

  15. Citizen Quasar says:

    Oops. I misquoted you.

    How many envelopes was that?

  16. Phelps says:

    No shit: the place I used to work at was located in a lawschool that used to be an old corporate banking complex. Our office was the old mailroom, and they had one of those tube things. It didn’t work. (I tried.) We would stuff shit down it as a goof — twine, paper, packing peanuts, whatever we could jam in it. I didn’t even know where it went.

    One day, I’m fucking around on this new internet thing (which makes this about 96) on the old IIsi, and this godawful racket comes from the back room. I’m thinking that maybe the college library next door blew up, or perhaps a plane crashed into the building. We were close to DFW, after all.

    There’s trash and shit flying all over the office and this damned loud roar. I follow it back behind the racks of machines… and there is shit flying out of one of the tubes. There’s also an awful racket and the cover flopping up and down on the other tube. I open it up and I can see shit rattling down in there trying to go through, and it catches on my hand when I am trying to pull it out.

    This goes on for about 15 minutes before some jackass in a toolbelt shows up. “Uh… what is this?” This is our office, jackass, we aren’t part of the school. “Oh. Well, uh… we need to run some network cables, and we are going to run them through the old vaccuum system. We were just going to send them through.” Sure enough, there is a cable and some attachment on the end sitting on the counter on our end.

    You would think that they would check the other end before they fired up the engine on the other side that, you know, hadn’t run in over 10 years.

  17. Phelps says:

    Hey, QZ, it depends on the system. The one that was leading into that old office was a good 5″ across (I could fit my whole hand up in it) and sure as hell had enough force to throw shit out. After the network cable thing, I figured out why there was a big 12″ lip with a couple of inches of foam on the other end of the counter. It was to catch the capsules flying out of the tube. Maybe the mailroom systems are heavy duty.

  18. Citizen Quasar says:

    And I was beginning to think that Oklahomans are just STUPID as opposed to the ones that you see through the drive-thu down at MacDonald’s. You know, the ones with a lazy eye and a cleft palette, not to mention that half of their face sags because their brain does not work right.

    Are we describing the American masses here? Is this what is going around; the basic American retard?

    Nice try, Mexigogue. Nice camoflauge.

    You been noobed!

  19. Citizen Quasar says:

    And I mean it! I will deal with Phelps later!

  20. Linny says:

    I know you don’t get WRIF in Lansing.. but have you ever listened to Drew and Mike when in the area?

    They refer to boobies at “tubes”…

    so… just maybe… she was offering the use of her “tubes”???

  21. Phelps says:

    I’m your huckleberry.

  22. rae says:

    OMG that is fucking funny. A tube!!!!! I don’t care who you are-that shit is funny as hell. I can’t believe you fell for that!! Wait, yes I can.

    So -what are you going to do to get even?