Buffalo Bills

The office manager is cooler than a fan. She knows I’m a Bills fan so when she went back home to Buffalo last week she picked me up a Buffalo Bills drink holder. It’s got the throwback standing Buffalo logo like they had in the ’60s and ’70s only the buffalo is red with a dark blue background. It’s sweet as hell and second only to the time that Natalai got me a Buffalo Bills sweatshirt and a box of Flutie Flakes way back in the day. My favorite team paraphanelia rocks, even when the team is 1-2.

I looked online. It would cost $300 to get a genuine Bills jersey with my name and the number of my choice (0) on it. That’s tempting but too expensive. It would be another $300 for a genuine Ridell football helmet with the Bills logo on it. Yeah right. If I was gonna drop $600 for all that I might as well just show up as a walkon at training camp next year, earn a spot on the team and get all that stuff for free. I can see it now:

Bills linebacker coach: You’re 35 years old and you’ve never played organized football before?

Mexigogue: I played for FOP when I was twelve.

coach: I see. Your total playing time on that team was twelve minutes for the season.

Mexigogue: I was pacing myself.

coach: We just clocked you at twenty minutes on the forty yard dash.

Mexigogue: I had a smoke break.

coach: It says here you once dunked on Walt Frazier. I never heard of that.

Mexigogue: I have the tape right here.

coach: You dislocated your shoulder getting off the bus???

Mexigogue: My bags were heavy.

coach: They were filled with Cheesy Poofs!

Mexioggue: If we didn’t eat them we’d be lame.

coach: I think you’re lame already. We can’t use you.

Mexioggue: Well if I can’t be a player can I just be the coach?

coach: GET AWAY FROM ME!!!

Mexigogue: Ok. Can I at least have that Buffalo Bills coffee mug?

coach: NO!!!

Ahhhhh yes. The Bills rule. I’m gonna join the team!!

5 Responses to “Buffalo Bills”

  1. Mexigogue says:

    Haha I was just emailing this chick and I didn’t know how to end it so I said “AAAAH I GOTTA GO I’M ON FIRE AGAIN!!!”

  2. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    You are so clever

  3. Dave from the "D" says:

    This is the second belly laugh of the day!

  4. HMT says:

    I’m totally stealing that email tagline from you mexi..

    you done right by me today.

  5. HMT says:

    Hey whatever happened to Laurie, Laurie’s boobs, and our eventual rendezvous?