Formative Years

Many people don’t know this about me. I’m actually a twin. My earliest memories involve me playing with my twin brother Michael. I was actually called Michael number two. We had all sorts of fun together. We were, like, identical. I always got along well with all my siblings but Michael and I were the closest.

Then one day my mother took us on a parachute jump. We were both scared but my mom told us not to worry. She showed us how to pull the rip cord and said that skydiving is actually safer than many of those other things we think of as safe. She assured us everything would be all right.

Since my brother was Michael and I was Michael number two (having been born five minutes later), he had to go first. I watched with apprehension as Michael jumped out of the hatch of the plane and began tumbling down toward the earth. He passed some clouds and got smaller and smaller. We kept watching expectently, but somehow, his chute never opened.

“Well” my mom said to me flatly, “I guess from now on we’ll just call you Michael.”

8 Responses to “Formative Years”

  1. HMT says:

    It all makes sense now…

    was the plane flying over the boarder? Were you guys tryin to skydive illegally into the US?

  2. Phelps says:

    No, it was Mexi’s idea for our birthday party. On the way down, I realized it was just so he could cut my ripcord.

    And then he didn’t even jump. They just flew to Michigan and left me in Texas.

  3. HMT says:

    leaving anyone in Texas is fucked up.

  4. Phelps says:

    No, no, leaving Texas is fucked up.

  5. Cosmic Siren says:

    I miss Texas. I want to go back.

  6. Citizen Quasar says:

    I wish we could get some of that shit you’ve been smokin’ up in Michigan down here in Oklahoma. SURELY the plane stops here first.

  7. Phelps says:

    As my pot-dealing cousin tells me, “they don’t call this Green Country for nothin’!”

  8. Adrian says:

    It took me up until the age of six to realise my name wasnt SHUT UP.

    No parachute jump required.