The Carmen Story (continued. . .)

San Angelo, Texas
July 1986

Carmen’s mother hated me. I’m an outstanding guy so it must have been because she already had a kid by some sirve pa nada and I was just a seventeen year old student with no job. Since her mother was acting evil and her brother was nuts we decided to hang out at my house which suited me better anyway.

Carmen was anxious to make a good impression on my mother so when she came over she made fideo (which turned out very good) and offered some to my mom. Mom wouldn’t touch it. She hated Carmen, probably because she was an 18 year old single mother who was going to corrupt the Mexigogue. She didn’t hide it which sent Carmen into hiding in my room blowing cigarette smoke out my window.

Shunned by the outside world, there was no social life left for either of us. The only thing there was left for us to do was was hole ourselves in my room with the weights pressed against the door (my lock didn’t work) and screw like banshees. Actually I’m not sure if banshees screw. But if they do, that’s what we were screwing like. At the beginning of the week I was a n00b but by week’s end I was a 100 honor with mad hacker skills and an enviable frag rate. Beat that b7tch3s!!

Naomi (the one year old daughter) was there too. We always had to wait for her to go to sleep before we did anything so we had to wear her out. Sometimes that entailed going for long walks through the neighborhood. We would start out on Wynne Street and head towards my aunt’s house on McKanne. Every so often we’d encounter a dog. Naomi would point her finger at it and say “Puppy?” Carmen would answer “Yes mija, that’s a puppy.” We would all smile and it was all very cute.

Then one day we walked past a house and a MONSTROUS DOBERMAN come crashing against a gate, SNARLING LIKE THE TAZMANIAN DEVIL! My blood froze in terror an it was only when I noticed that the animal was safely penned in that I was able to breathe again. Unperturbed, Naomi pointed a tiny finger at the dog and said “Puppy?”

The biggest issue at that time was that I was getting ready to return to Michigan. I had been planning this for some time: I was going to get back up North and move into an apartment with my friend Tyrone (who had to leave home due to some personal issues in his life). I would finish my last year of high school after which I planned to join the United States Marine Corps. I had told Carmen none of this and by mid August we had developed such a bond that I wasn’t going to ruin it with The Truth.

In my defense I didn’t tell a lie, I told a whole bunch of them: I told her I would write to her every week and that I’d send for her once I got in the Corps. She told me she loved me. I said “I love you too” and I even gave her the real address where she could write to me in Michigan. I don’t know why I did that because I just ended up looking at the letters and never bothered to answer a one of them, even when he began pleading for me to just tell her something. Out of sight, out of mind. But I’m ahead of myself.

My last week in San Angelo was the most harrowing. We narrowly missed a pregnancy scare and I refused to do her after that. I told her it was for the best and we had to practice self restraint. I’m such a jackass, playing the ‘responsible’ role when I really just wanted to make sure there were no ties HAHA! I even had a theme song for us: “Kiss and Say Goodbye” by the Manhattens. I played it for us over and over, only at the part where the background singers say “I’m gonna miss you” under my breath I replaced “miss” with “diss”. She never caught on.

I actually did like her a little which was another reason I had to leave quick. I didn’t need any emotional attachments messing up my plans. Saying goodbye to Carmen’s friend Della (who I had known first and liked in the first place) was actually just as hard. Della was nice, she was the good girl archetype. I talked to her for hours on the phone each night. It seemed I was always saying her name. She never did become a nun by the way, but at that time we all thought she might.

The day of my departure came and I was excited beyond belief. I knew something cool was in store for me back in Michigan but I didn’t yet know I was about to meet Pinkie, some chick named Toni Esther, and would find great times at Riverfront Park and Westside Deli. I only knew I had something to look forward to. It was all I could do to hide my excitement when Carmen came by.

So the last night together our song comes on and at the “kiss and say goodbye” Carmen starts pouring tears. I’m holding her in my arms saying what I think are supposed to be the right things but really I’m thinking Goddamit her tears are getting me all wet! I swear by all that is holy at one point as I’m holding her and I knew she couldn’t see my face I broke out into a big and evil grin. Another Kodak moment gone to waste.

Finally, between sobs, I hear her manage “I’m going to miss you Michael.”

“I’m going to miss you too Della . . . . . I mean Carmen!!

My people, if looks could kill I would certainly not be here today. Her eyes would have scorched me like a coal on the fire that looks intact at the end of the day but when you touch it it just crumbles into power. That part was an accident but it was a fitting end to the story of how I dissed Carmen and laughed all the way back to Lansing.

Moral of the story: Never NEVER address a chick by her name. Call them “Hey”. In fact two years ago I had a chick stress me out because I had been seeing her for two years and never called her by her name. Even when we were in the middle of the act and she’d say “WHAT’S my name? WHAT’S my name?” I would always go “Ummmmmm. . ” I’ll take the heat for that because the upshot is that I never called her by another chick’s name. Damn the pop quizzes!

21 Responses to “The Carmen Story (continued. . .)”

  1. Jenn says:

    Well, I really wanna read this, but I don’t have time for a novel. I’ll have to read it later and comment when you longer care about the comments on this post, as per the usual.

  2. Bingo MacGee says:

    Whoa… it’s weird when you know the neighborhood…

    My Grandmother used to live off E. 19th, so it was kinda freaky to hear you talk about walkin down Wynne. I think I ran into that Doberman once, too… that wasn’t on Medina, was it?

    Anyway, I’m totally witchoo on the name thing… even today, I call my girl “Hun” or “Babe”, and we’ve been together 9 years!

  3. Mexigogue says:

    Oh my god, first Brian yesterday and now you. Has EVERYONE been to San Angelo???

    I don’t remember exactly where that dog was. I just remember it was scary. I remember Medina street though. That’s just about the time the song Funky Cold Medina was popular!

  4. Bingo MacGee says:

    Yes… everyone has been to San Angelo, whether they admit it or not. There is many a Texas man whose first time was in San Angelo…

  5. Mexigogue says:

    Knowing Carmen, I believe that. Are you still there? If are you should look up Naomi. She must be 19 by now!

  6. “Naomi (the one year old daughter)” Reminds me of a something Quagmire said on Family Guy last night. “Mom if you don’t watch your tone this threeway isn’t going to happen”

  7. R says:

    Oh dude, so fucking evil! I am conflicted as to whether you suck or you rock, but am leaning towards the fact that you utterly pwn3d Carmen that last night.

    Oh my. My, my, my…

  8. Cosmic Siren says:

    I’ve only passed through San Angelo on the way to Big Springs.

  9. Mexigogue says:

    That counts Cosmic.

  10. HMT says:

    enviable frag rate is the only way I’m describing my sexual abilities from now on.

    god bless you mexigogue.. you and all your crazy stories and dreams.

  11. Northe says:

    Hahah Mexi reminds me of me back in highschool/early college. I am totally with you with the Kodak moments and the evil grins and all the while plotting, planning and scheming to make sure I came out clean after taking a swim in the relationship cesspool. Being faithful or even honest was insane to me.

    Good thing I grew up or I’d be dead by now.

  12. Mexigogue says:

    Women always claim they’re tired of us lying but yet and still they keep asking us questions!!!

  13. Mexigogue says:

    The Family Guy
    Angel on Peter’s shoulder: It’s ok to lie to women, they’re not people like us!

  14. Northe says:

    Hahah, hard to beat Family Guy.

  15. That show has to be pound for pound the best quote factory around…

  16. Adrian says:

    Mexigogue, you are such a dog, man. BUT A LEGEND nonetheless… I laughed hard at that one.

    Its very similar to my breakup with the ex, excpet you were WAY more evil. : )

  17. Citizen Quasar says:

    I spent one night in San Angelo when I was a teenager but I didn’t get laid there.

  18. Jenn says:

    You know you cried. Quit acting hard.

    You’re a motherfucking P-I-M-P!

  19. Phelps says:

    I admit that I cried one time when I sat on my balls. Actually, it was more that I welled up, but I think a couple of tears broke free at the corners of my eyes.

  20. Mexigogue says:

    I did not cry when I left Carmen. I did, however, cry at the premier of Starsky and Hutch. Priorities I guess.