It’s in the Air

I smell hoboes.

When I was about five we used to live on Anderson street which is gone and now replaced by Oldsmobile Park where the Lansing Lugnuts play baseball. Back then we would walk towards Michigan Avenue and there were always hoboes (they might have just been bums because I never saw any knapsacks tied to the ends of sticks but I always imagined they were railway traveling hoboes because there were train tracks in the vicinity, but I digress.) There was also a place that roasted coffee beans in that area and whenever we approached the homeless shelter I would smell roasting coffee beans. I always thought it was the hoboes that I was smelling so even now I associate that smell with the homeless.

Now in 2005 I work in Okemos and we are a couple blocks away from a place that roasts coffee beans. Some days when the wind is just right you can step outside the office and catch a whiff cuz we’re downwind. Today is one of those days: I smell hoboes. And the thing about hoboes is they’re always trying to give you financial advice. What’s up with that? Whenever they start in talking about stock options and tax shelters I’m always like hey guy, stop! I’m not taking financial advice from you, you’re a hoboe. Sheesh!

Speaking of finances I got a summer job when I was 14 and I used it to buy clothes for school. Since I’m really stingy I didn’t want to buy new clothes until I absolutely had to so I decided to wear those ’til they couldn’t be worn anymore. A year later my jeans had gotten tight and had developed a rip in the leg. Not wanting to throw them away I cut them and made them into shorts. So one summer day when I was 15 I’m walking down Michigan avenue on my way to the Public Library. I’m wearing a tee shirt and these tight ass shorts and there’s this gay bar I have to pass on the way to the library. This dude standing outside perks up when he sees the way I’m clad.

“How you doin’?”

“Uh, all right” (I keep walking)

“Nice night out!” (He’s walking behind me) I turn and give him the WTF?? look and start walking faster. I never wore those shorts again.

Gay pedophiles and hoboes. What a street.

23 Responses to “It’s in the Air”

  1. Nice Rack says:

    I think you spelled hobo wrong, drive thru and have a nice day.

  2. Mexigogue says:

    According to the American Heritage College Dictionary (third edition) it is “hobo” in the singular but in the plural you add “es”, ergo “hoboes”.

  3. Nice Rack says:

    According to Microsoft Office, it can be spelled hobos as well as hoboes when it is plural. How you like dem apples?

  4. Nice Rack says:

    I am in a weird mood today, I definitely need more sleep.

  5. Mexigogue says:

    ( . )( . )

    boobies!

  6. Were you prancing while walking by the gay bar?

  7. Nice Rack says:

    Whose boobies?

  8. Nice Rack says:

    Of course he was prancing, and probably practicing judo kicks at each street light. No wonder the guy hit on him.

  9. Mexigogue says:

    I seldom prance.

  10. Nice Rack says:

    You didn’t say that you don’t practice judo kicks though

  11. Mexigogue says:

    Something tells me I shouldn’t have told that story. You’re missing the point people! The point of the story is that hoboes smell like roasting coffee beans!! SHEESH!

  12. Phelps says:

    I’ve been hit on by gay guys so much it doesn’t even bother me anymore. I’m about to do like R and just start letting them buy me drinks.

  13. Nice Rack says:

    I think hobos smell like beer and too much fried mexican food….that reminds me of someone I know

  14. Mexigogue says:

    I think YOU smell like dog saliva and peanut butter. So what NOW? (crossing arms in Run DMC pose)

    Kidding!

  15. Nice Rack says:

    I will agree with the dog saliva on occassion, she likes to lick my hands. The peanut butter on the other hand, dude we are not going to go there. Shadow does like peanut butter though, do you need to borrow my dog?

  16. Mexigogue says:

    Noooooo! Guys don’t do that!

  17. Nice Rack says:

    That’s not what they said in the movie “Road Trip”

  18. Mexigogue says:

    Oh. I’m not into bestiality. But if I was I wouldn’t do a dog, I think I’d be a pig-fucker like Frank J. Except I’d do the sows, not the males.

  19. Nice Rack says:

    Sounds like a good time, have a great weekend Mexi and I will see you on Sunday

  20. Citizen Quasar says:

    “Hoboes” has an “e”, just like “potatoes.” Ask Dan Quayle.

    How’s your neighbor across the street doing? Is he homeless yet or did he wake up and smell the coffee…quite a ‘hood.

  21. Mexigogue says:

    I left the house for work the other morning at 6:20 a.m. He was standing in his yard. Just fucking standing there. I don’t think he had been to sleep yet.

  22. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Did you ask him why he just standing there?

  23. R says:

    “I’m about to do like R and just start letting them buy me drinks.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I just saw this shit. rofl.

    But that was a chick who bought me a drink. Not a gay guy.

    And I didn’t have to prance around judo-kicking lamp posts in tight cut-off jean shorts to get it either.