Quality Dairy

When I was a little kid we used to love going to Quality Dairy (an inconvenience store chain in mid-Michigan) to get ice cream. QD sold everything else a corner store carries but there’s a central place where they produce their own dairy products so there’s QD milk and stuff but we loved them for their ice cream. The scoops were tremendous compared to the other places.

I said once when I was about eight that I wanted a double scoop. “Get the single scoop” I was warned. “The double scoop is too big for you to eat. You won’t even be able to balance it on the cone.” Against all protests I settled for the single scoop. When I got it I couldn’t believe my eyes. So much ice cream on one cone, I couldn’t imagine what a double looked like.

“What if I drop it?” I asked, not sure I could balance such a mammoth ice cream.

“If you drop it just come back in. We have an unwritten rule, when kids drop their ice cream we’ll make them another one for free.”

Fast forward some years afterward and I was one day working at that very same Quality Dairy. Actually I was based at a different store but the QD on Saginaw and Larch (my old ‘hood) was shorthanded one day so they sent me there. I was having a blast selling liquor, beer, cigarettes, milk, and lottery tickets. Great times all around. Then some kid asks for an ice cream.

The kid is about seven or eight. Except for the fact that he’s white he kind of reminds me of me so many years ago. I go over and, remembing my childhood experience, I make this kid the hugest single scoop ice cream cone the world has ever known. His eyes get all big when I hand it to him. It is quite likely the most valuable thing he’s ever had in his life. “THANKS!” I nod like it’s not a thing but secretly I feel good that I brightened someone’s day. I go back to work doing whatever it was that I was doing.

A couple minutes later the kid is back in. He’s standing in front of the ice cream case with the most distraught look you ever want to see in your life. His face just says tragedy. His hand holds an empty cone. HE’S DROPPED HIS SHIT!

I duck down behind the counter and start LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!! I can’t help it! It’s just TOO PRICELESS!!! HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAA!!! I don’t know why I’m hiding because I KNOW the kid can hear me and that makes me laugh even HARDER!!! He must be wondering what kind of sick bastard laughs at a kid and his cone. I’m laughing, dying, gasping for breath, feeling like I’m going to pass out any minute from too much mirth! In my defense I did eventually get up and make the kid another cone but it took me about five minutes to compose myself. AWWWWW some funny shit!! GOD!

That kid probably murdered people when he grew up.

11 Responses to “Quality Dairy”

  1. Phelps says:

    I bet he didn’t wait until he grew up. I bet he choked some toddler with a soggy cone that afternoon.

  2. Mexigogue says:

    See, the one time in my life I try to do something nice and it turns out funny. I think God requires my laughter so that He can throw horns.

  3. They really let those stores go. I remember back in the day they were clean and had the best prices and quality on dairy products. Now every time I go into one the place is just disgusting and the people working there are even more disgusting with their dirty wrinkled shirs and missing teeth…

  4. HMT says:

    way to create the BTK killer Mexi..

    you son of a bitch.

    now I want a “scoop”

  5. Mexigogue says:

    You know what hurts? When you put your nuts in an ice cream scooper and you keep flicking it open and shut. I always hate that!

  6. Phelps says:

    I bet that wasn’t in the employee manual OR the first aid manual.

  7. You ever scooped out a chick’s vaj with an ice cream scooper?

  8. Mexigogue says:

    Can’t say that I have.

  9. Citizen Quasar says:

    Does it taste the same as licking it?

  10. Jenn says:

    Mexi, you here????

  11. Mexigogue says:

    yeah. (buffing my nails)