Feel the Burn!!!

After posting my one month update picture I had a letdown. I hadn’t exercised for a week and yesterday I couldn’t take it anymore. Hot weather be damned, I drank a lot of water, stretched, and took off running at about 8 p.m. It wasn’t quite high noon but the sun was still in the sky. According to weather.com the conditions in Lansing yesterday at that hour were 87 degrees and 48% humidity with a heat index of 89 degrees. It wasn’t gonna be easy.

The first thing I noticed as I got around the first block was that the hot air is hard to breathe. I commanded myself to my normal pace. Breathing in the heat isn’t nearly as nice as it is when it’s 65. My goal was two miles but I told myself if I absolutely have to punk out today I won’t be happy with one mile but I’ll force myself to be satisfied.

I make it to the one mile point looking for anybody with a green hose. There’s not a day bad enough that it won’t be made worse by heatstroke so I will accept any chance to cool off but alas there are no lawn-waterers in sight. I push forth and pass some firemen who have stopped at the ice cream place on MLK because it’s too hot for them. Pussies! A slight cramp kicks in. I ignore it and plug on.

When I get to one and a half miles I know I’m going to make it. I’ve quit at that point before but that’s because I was absolutely dying. Right now I’m only kind of dying so I know if I stop I’m going to kick myself all the rest of the way home. At this point I’m talking to myself between breaths, psyching myself into finishing this hot ass run. Everything starts to get squiggly and I hear an evil hiss. The Devil jumps on a hickory stump and grabs his fiddle and it sounded something like this: fuck the Devil, I push him to the ground and keep going. I can see the streetlight for my last turn!!

As I approach my last corner there are two older dudes sitting on a porch sweating it out. They look at me red faced, wet, and running in the heat. They give me the look you give someone when they’ve just been hit by a car and you’re expecting to see them die. I don’t die though. I just keep running by. One of them pipes up as I pass them: “You know. . . . I wouldn’t do that. (note, no shit you wouldn’t do that. You probably used to be hot bitches with big titties and you let yourself go and now you turned into crotchety old dudes!)

I round my last corner and I see a guy about my age walking down the street dabbing his forehead with a towel. He can’t take the heat. I pass him too. I make it to the end just passing some bitch smoking a cigarette. Luckily I’m upwind from it.

I got back home to my hot ass house and pour quarts of water on my head as I lean over the front porch. Whatever doesn’t kill me will make me stronger and I don’t aim to die today. There’s something really satisfying in finishing a run when most people are fanning themselves from doing absolutely nothing. Determination and the human spirit can conquer most obstacles, one must only try. Try doesn’t mean get out there and run 10 steps and say fuck it it’s too hot. Try means go out there and push until you die, then when you die you revive yourself and go some more. In most cases the difference between can’t and won’t is a state of mind.

An hour after the run I went to my hot-as-fuck room and lifted weights. Ooh freaking rah.

26 Responses to “Feel the Burn!!!”

  1. HMT says:

    dude, the devil came out to rock and you just pushed him aside!!!!!!!!!!!


    runnin with the devil! hahaha.. I just made a funny pun regarding you running and the devil you brought up in the story, AND VAN HALEN!!!


  2. Mexigogue says:

    The Devil always jumps up on a hickory stump. Next time I’ll get his golden fiddle too.

  3. Mexigogue says:

    Somebody asked me once what the difference is between a violin and a fiddle. I said “If your foot is stomping when you play it, it’s a fiddle.”

    I might have plagiarized that from somewhere.

  4. R says:

    Fuck. I skipped my three miles yesterday and now your post makes me feel so guilty that I’m going to have to double-up my work-out today with the missed run AND weight training.

    Fucker. Keep your self-righteousness to yourself.

  5. Mexigogue says:

    hehehe!! Three miles is damn good. I could push past two miles but then I’d hate running so much I’d quit so I’m better off sticking with two. I don’t think I could get three though.

  6. I’m with HMT, I would have stopped and rocked out with the devil. That would have made your blog entry way cooler..HEAT INDEX OF 89 degrees ain’t shit. It was 106 outside in the Valley of the SUN and I ran 4 miles* at noon. Suck it up little man

    *In an air conditioned gym

  7. R says:

    Dude, my university’s new gym had a 1/10th mile track on the second floor.

    Do you know how ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ANNOYING it is to run three miles on that bitch?

    On the other hand, the college girls on the stairmasters were FIZINE!

  8. Mexigogue says:

    I ran 4 miles* at noon. Suck it up little man

    Excuse me. I don’t have the benefit of having THE SIDEWALK MOVING FOR ME UNDER MY FEET!!(as far as I’m concerned if you’re on a treadmill you’re just hopping forward)

  9. While hopping forward I was surrounded by lots and lots of hot Arizona chicks with fake boobies and tight workout/booty shorts. The best part about these chicks is the fact that they haven’t turned into crusty old dudes yet. I’ll hop all day call me “the rabbit in the UNLV jacket” if you have to! Hippity hi ho hop b1tches!!!!!

  10. HMT says:

    oooh! Diss! Suck that mexi..

    UNLV just p@wnd you biatch!

  11. Mexigogue says:

    Hey, didn’t YOU get beat up by a hari krishna when you were out on a run? talk about pwn3d!!! LMAO!!!!

  12. Phelps says:

    Fireman on MLK eating ice cream? Those are some bone hard thug motherfucking firemen.

    I mean, damn. If I was on fire and I saw a firetruck sitting outside the ice cream shop on MLK, I would be like, “you know, I’m gonna ride this burning shit out until I get to Second Avenue.”

    (I know it isn’t the same MLK, but MLK is the same everywhere.)

  13. Mexigogue says:

    About a mile north on MLK is where it was real thuggish. It was worse back in the day when The Busy Bee store was there and they used to close the streets in the summer due to the crack trade. It’s not THAT bad anymore but it still ain’t nice.

    If I was MLK I would be mad. I would be like “Hey, why I gotta get all the ghetto streets?”

  14. Cosmic Siren says:

    (I know it isn’t the same MLK, but MLK is the same everywhere.)

    Sad, but mostly true.

    One possible exception is MLK Blvd in Lubbock, Texas. That’s because instead of picking a street in the most urban part of town, the black leaders there decided it would be more symbolic to change Quirt Ave, since a quirt is a short riding crop that could have possibly have been used to beat slaves in the past.

    The fact this happened after everyone else was changing street names to MLK, makes me think that they just wanted to jump on the band wagon too and thought guilt would make it easier. Though, I suppose they may have wanted to protest Quirt Ave for decades and just couldn’t agree on an alternate name until then.

    Interestingly, some businesses still use Quirt Ave instead of MLK Blvd in their addresses, even though the change happened about a decade ago.

    Granted Quirt/MLK does go through some black areas of the town, but they were the more rural areas. Nothing like the Overton area. It also ends at the airport and Lubbock Christian University is located on it too, as well as some good restaurants and other businesses.

  15. Cosmic Siren says:

    Sidenote: I like the sound of “quirt”. It just sounds cool. Until the MLK renaming initiative, I never knew it was a type of whip.

    Still like the name, though. It was unusual and short.

  16. Mexigogue says:

    How ’bout the name Lynchberg? You like that too? Huh? huh?

    (haha, just messin’ wit ya!)

  17. Cosmic Siren says:

    Too long and sounds like a type of cheese.

  18. Cosmic Siren says:

    But if we did take offense, what would people call Lynchberg Lemonades?

  19. Lemons says:


  20. Cosmic Siren says:

    Here, have some more Jack Daniel’s.

  21. rae says:

    I want an update pic of your fat ass Mikey. Stat.

  22. Citizen Quasar says:

    I don’t run. I ride my bicycle. I have four hill climbs I do each day and cherish the fact that I am rapidly building up my thigh muscles (vastus lateralis, vastus medialis, rectus femorus).

    A large part of it is what you eat. Two good books on this are “Super Foods Rx” by Steve Pratt and “Fantastic Voyage” by Ray Kurzweil.

    Oh. Did I tell you I ride my bike in 95 degree weather with 75% humidity?

    …Damned Yankees.

  23. Phelps says:

    Yeah. It’s 96 (99 heat index) today.

  24. Mexigogue says:

    I want an update pic of your fat ass Mikey. Stat.

    No fair. The past week I haven’t run (until yesterday) so I gained like 5 lbs back. But at any rate here it is.

  25. Jenn says:

    Mexi! You sexy bitch! You’re looking good. Props to you.

    Hey, “they’ve” been calling me Sexy Mexi for a while, I think the name should be turned over to you. It’s obvious who the sexy one here is.

  26. Jenn says:

    P.S. Your post button is still a douchebag.