Sacrifice

These people tried to sacrifice a 21 year old chick to me at the bar
the other night. This middle aged lady was leading this girl by the
hand through the bar. The girl had her head down and her
eyes were looking up like they were going to roll to the back of her
head. I was wondering if the girl was retarded and where she was
being led to. Suddenly the stopped at my table and the middle aged
lady says “This is my niece Crystal. She’s just sitting there by
herself and she really should be talking to somebody so I’m going to
sit her here next to you and you can talk to her. She shouldn’t be
sitting by herself doing nothing.”

Then I got it. The girl wasn’t retarded. She was like oh my god aunt
so-and-so, I can’t believe you’re actually making me go meet someone.
She sat down and had this exasperated look on her face. “This wasn’t
my idea” she says. “Don’t worry about it,” I reply. Let’s just sit
here and pretend to talk to each other and they will be none the
wiser.”

Most likely she is just an introvert surrounded by extraverts who
think there is something wrong with her for just sitting there being
herself. It’s a damn shame because I know how that is and some
extraverts automatically think that if you’re solitary and quiet that
you’re just dying to talk to someone but you just don’t have the guts.
Often that’s very far from the truth, some people just don’t feel
like socializing. I was trying to make it easy on her by saying let’s
just pretend to talk.

Crystal was quite beautiful in fact. She was tall girl with a
physique that reminiscent of Bambi when she walked around in those
heels. She was dressed too well for Leroy’s. We did actually make
small talk. I picked up a hint of something other than midwestern in her accent. She said it was Kentucky. I spent the rest of the night trying to convince her that we’re cousins.

When you’re a god, they sacrifice virgins to you. When you’re the Mexigogue they sacrifice sluts. I shall not be picky. I am well pleased with the masses. I will hold off on the plagues.

Actually I don’t know if she’s a slut. I was just due for a misogynist statement. I’m good for a few of those a week.

19 Responses to “Sacrifice”

  1. Phelps says:

    Damnit Cousin Crystal, stay away from that Mexican! He’s a heathen! I knew we shouldn’t have let her join that cult.

  2. rae says:

    Dude- did u delete my comment??

  3. rae says:

    I said- I think we need to get you a chip implanted in your head-like the one they used on South Park for cussing- where if you get within 10 feet of Leroy’s it’ll electricute you.

  4. Mexigogue says:

    I didn’t delete any comment. You didn’t post a url for poker or pornography did you?

    Oh, and I didn’t say I was at Leroy’s. It was. . um. . . this different bar the “D” and I have been hitting up. . . called. ELROY’S. Yeah, that’s it! It’s. . . Jetsons themed or something. Yes, and they have a walking thing in the front that goes really fast and you have to scream “JANE!!! STOP THIS CRAZY THINGGGGGGGGG!!”

  5. Amanda says:

    I hoped you enjoyed that link I sent you, Mexi.

    For a moment, I thought it would be tacky and insensitive to send it to you, but then I went, “What a minute! It’s Mexi! What am I thinking?”

  6. Ghandi for the "D" says:

    Hey I was just thinking about the woman that pimped out her niece to Mexi! Maybe there is something wrong with the equipment. Are you sure she was a woman????

  7. Mexigogue says:

    I did the adam’s apple check godammit! Don’t think I’m not suspicious of a bargain!

    UNLV has a funny adam’s apple story about this other dude he was hanging out with in Flint! HAHA!

  8. Ghandi for the "D" says:

    Okay I just wanted to check. hey I really like our new bar “Elroy’s” It’s the bomb!

  9. rae says:

    “D”- you know better than to encourage lying Ghandi!!

  10. Mexigogue says:

    And at Elroy’s we sing arkaoke and play ploo.

  11. rae says:

    Talk to ya’ll tomorrow. I’m going home to get drunk.

    Rae

  12. Mexigogue says:

    Well I never! to think I associated with a drinker!

  13. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Q:Why did the ancients only sacrafice the virgins to their Gods?

    A: Beacuse they wanted to keep the sluts for themselves!!!

  14. Amanda says:

    How long does it take abstaining to be declared an honorary virgin?

    We were discussing this somewhere else…

  15. Mexigogue says:

    I doubt we here even think in such concepts. You can’t unscrew, unless you’re talking about a lightbulb or something of that nature.

  16. TB says:

    “When you’re a god, they sacrifice virgins to you. When you’re the Mexigogue they sacrifice sluts. I shall not be picky. I am well pleased with the masses. I will hold off on the plagues.”

    -that’s classic komedy gold right there. I could exchange that for a whole new gaggle of sluts I bet…. just walk into the planned parenthood waiting room with that written on a sign and my junk is tired for days.

  17. Ghandi for the "D" says:

    I just tried that in Meijers and I have 3 Heffa’s following me right now. What the F**K!!!!!!

  18. Mexigogue says:

    Chicks dig guys with bombast. Shabba gets more than Barry Manilow, I ga-raun-tee it. Hell, I bet Gilligan got more than Barry Manilow. At least as Dobie Gillis he probably did.

  19. Mexigogue says:

    Wait, I’m not old enough to remember Dobie Gillis!