Story

So I’m at the spot shooting pool. This wanna be hustler is there trying to get someone to play a money game but nobody is biting. This other guy walks in and I say “There goes the side pocket kid!”

“The side pocket kid?” this n00b asks me. “I never heard of him but I’ll back him $100 he can beat that guy trying to hustle at the table!” Both sides agree and the game is on. Side pocket shoots terrible, he evidently doesn’t know the game, and he ends up losing badly.

“I thought you said they call him the Side Pocket Kid!” the n00b screams. “He can’t play for shit!”

“They call him that”, says I, “on account of he always wears cargo pants.”

I made that up. I just wanted to waste everybody’s time.

Rachael asked me to answer all these stupid questions on my blog and then she said I “prolly” won’t so now I have to. I deleted some of the boring questions:

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Michael
2. Mexigogue
3. -={AoD}RAZOR

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. AbuMalik2
2. MexiMuslim
3. fetus_punter

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Heights
2. Midgets
3. Tall midgets

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Coffee
2. E-mail
3. News

THREE THINGS YOU?RE WEARING NOW:
1. Workboots
2. Khakis
3. Fake diamond earring

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTIST
1. Stevie Wonder
2. Poor Righteous Teachers
3. Barry Manilow. Just kidding. Evanescence (shut up HT)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS
1. Backstabbers
2. Pastime Paradise
3. The Lauri Song

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. I don’t

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. This is a trick question. The word “badly” is an adverb, which means it modifies the word “do”. So if I said sing, that would mean I want to do a bad job of singing. I reject the question.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Texas
2. Boston
3. Philipines

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE
1. Zoltan
2. Necronymph005
3. Jebus

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Buy a monkey
2. Save a soul
3. Save a monkey’s soul

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL/BOY:
1. Talk sports
2. Hate soap operas
3. The boob stare

THREE CELEBRITY CRUSHES
I don’t have crushes. But celebrity chicks I want to touch:
1. Maria Sharapova
2. Serena Williams (she’s the pretty one)
3. Lois on The Family Guy

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Nobody

38 Responses to “Story”

  1. Cosmic Siren says:

    Tall midgets

    that is scary…

  2. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Speaking of midgets. I was drunk at this bar last night and I was talking to a chubby chick and went into my speil on how I want some midget man servants. They will dress like me and sing and dance before I enter a room. they will also reply to every thing I say with a “yeah boss”

  3. Mexigogue says:

    That’s the best idea ever! I can do the same thing, then we can have our servant-midgets fight each other to the death!

  4. HMT says:

    AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.. NECRONYMPH IS THE NAME OF MY DAUGHTER!

    holy shit.. i gotta do this.

    side pockets.

    eggs benedict

  5. Mexigogue says:

    After the Eggs Benedict stuff the other day I got hungry so I made some poached eggs. They were good!

  6. Nice Rack says:

    What’s the Lauri song?

  7. Mexigogue says:

    Whenever I hear “My Immortal” I always think that’s the Lauri song since you’re the one who hipped me to Evanescence.

  8. Nice Rack says:

    Ok, I was hoping it was that and not something I sing at Leroy’s

  9. Mexigogue says:

    The other day I got pissed because I heard “Oh Sheila” on the radio and I’m like motherfuckin Ready for the World is singing my song!

  10. Nice Rack says:

    That’s hilarious. People think that way, though. There was some girl that came in and got pissed off because I sang Black Velvet before she had a chance to turn in her card. I’d never even seen her before, and I can hear her bitching about how I was singing her song. Then I heard her actually sing it another time, and she was horrible. I try to be cool and not sing my usual stuff when I know someone who’s in the bar that likes to sing the same song. Damn us white girls for always picking out the same karaoke songs.

  11. Mexigogue says:

    I like the time this black dude was doing a horrible job with Ball of Confusion and halfway through the song he gave you the mic back so I went up and got it and finished the song and everybody laughed at him because he got out-Temptationed by a Mexican! LOL P@WN3d!!!!

  12. Nice Rack says:

    It’s because your papa was a rollin’ stone and you ain’t too proud to beg

  13. HMT says:

    Ball of confusion?

    are we talkin about the Anthrax song here? I’m just gonna pretend you are, even though you aren’t.

    I gotta say I like Evanescence chick’s voice, but her spiky haired band mates gotta riff it up a tad bit more for a spin in my 8 track.

    track rhymes with rack. Laurie, lets fuck.

  14. Mexigogue says:

    Papa was Rolling Stone is a great song. But on the part where they say “Momma looked at me with a tear in her eye” the guy doesn’t say his Rs. So it comes out sounding like “Momma looked at me with a tin eye.” I’m like “The bitch had a TIN EYE?? Now that IS hard times!”

  15. Nice Rack says:

    If HMT stands for Heavy Metal Thrasher, I’m down. TB, is that you?

  16. rae says:

    I can’t believe you actually did it. I thought for sure you’d just make a post saying “Rachael is a tool and I’m not answering her stupid quizz.”

    Thanks man!!

  17. Mexigogue says:

    No problem. But now I’m all geeked up on my goal of buying a monkey.

  18. Phelps says:

    I’ve never been asked to take a quiz/meme thing by anyone. Now I’m depressed.

    And I always thought My Immortal was about suicide. Then again, maybe we are both right and that makes it L’s song. I think that may be the only song on the album that I can’t read a bunch of metaphysical magical mumbo jumbo into.

    And I eat Eggs Bennedict all the time, way before that kraut hijacked the name. Am I the only one who finds it hillarious that the Cardinals decide to replace a dead Polish king with a German?

    And the only monkeys I want to buy are braised flank of monkey. With hollandaise.

  19. Phelps says:

    Oh, and I think that one of the financial analysts I’m working with is either iNTj or iNTp, and I can’t tell which. (I even waver over onto the p side sometimes, so that doesn’t surprise me) I’m leaning strongly towards iNTp, but it is hard to tell. I got some wicked bad vibes from her at first, but now I think it is just that when you get two non-emotion expressing people together, my interpretation goes no reaction->indifference->she hates me.

  20. Mexigogue says:

    Yeah. We have one probable iNTj that works out of home but pops into the office from time to time. She’s good for the occasional scathing comment but other than that retreats into silence. That reticence makes her diffucult to read. I talked to her once at an open house and we had beer. People think she’s a power hungry bitch but she came off like she knows what she’s doing and everybody else needs to fall into place. I found her eminently reasonable.

  21. Phelps says:

    I’m thinking that she’s iNTp because if she is iNTj we’ll have to fight to the death.

  22. Nice Rack says:

    I don’t think it’s about suicide, but I guess I read into it because it reminds me of a relationship I was in. She was in love, he left her, and now she can’t move past him. It depresses me. Why does your post sound like you are saying it is my song because you think it’s about suicide? Am I suicidal and didn’t know it, or are you referring to something else?

  23. HMT says:

    HMT is me.. TB.. rad

    Heavy Metal Thunder… damn.. we almost fucked this time.

  24. Nice Rack says:

    HMT, if you ever spell my first name correctly, I will pay for my own plane ticket.

  25. Mexigogue says:

    Don’t fight to the death Phelps. That’s grossly inefficient. Have your servant midgets fight to the death as your proxies.

  26. Phelps says:

    I guess there is some merit in that. Either way, a midget beats another midget to death, which is always good for a goof. And I’m not saying that youa are suicidal, L, I’m saying a guy in a relationship with you might have a good chance of ending up suicidal.

  27. Mexigogue says:

    Nice save Phelps! Now it’s totally benign!

  28. Nice Rack says:

    Phelps, that really wasn’t nice. Please don’t make assumptions about me or my relationships. I don’t make them about you.

  29. Phelps says:

    You can’t make any assumptions about my relationships — I don’t have any! Hahsahahsaha! And I said “might have a good chance.” That means I didn’t actually say anything.

    (Hahsahahsaha is the sound you make when you cry and laugh at the same time.)

  30. Mexigogue says:

    I make assumptions about people all the time. Like I think Phelps wears a ten-gallon hat and walks around the office with six-shooters in his holsters. And UNLV is always wearing a UNLV jacket, even when he’s banging the sluts.

  31. Nice Rack says:

    I didn’t say relationships, I said assumptions about you. Meximan assures me that you were just joking, so I’m going to try not being a female here and get over being pissed off.

  32. Phelps says:

    I don’t have a 10 gallon hat. I have a Resistol. (The “Baxter” model at the top. Like George Strait.) And I keep my five(not six)-shooter in my pocket, not in a hip holster.

    I keep my Glock in a kydex hip-holster. I wear a 7 1/8 if anyone wants to get me more hats. Hats are great.

  33. Phelps says:

    So…

    I uh…

    Actually, I can’t conceive of getting pissed off over that. It’s not like I peed in your Froot Loops or anything.

  34. Nice Rack says:

    Phelps, I’m a female, I can get pissed off about the least little thing. I read that at 8am this morning before I had any caffeine, and I was ready to come to Texas and fit you into your Resistol. I’m over it now though

  35. Mexigogue says:

    Next time you get mad at Phelps let me know and I’ll ride with you down to Texas. Then I’ll talk you out of being mad and I’ll hang out with Phelps.

  36. Phelps says:

    Hey, sweet, all I’ve got to do is get her really twisted and I can save that plane ticket.

  37. Phelps says:

    Hey, HRT, meet me here in Dallas and we’ll tag-team.

  38. Phelps says:

    Hey.

    Hey.

    Heeeeeeey.

    That feels pretty good.