Moses from the “D” vs Some Geese (the Rap)

The other day I was reading this post on Phelps’ blog and I came upon a story in the comment section from the “D” describing his being chased around the golf course by geese. Now he is a big dude and there is nothing funnier that comes to mind than him getting punked by some geese so the story made me laugh.

The more I thought about it (while I’m giving him a hard time) it occurred to me that somewhere on a golf course there is some geese talking big shit about the encounter and how they are all hardcore. I imagine those bad motherfuckers might even rap about it. To give myself a better idea of what such a cut might sound like, I bring you the Gangsta Bad Ass Geese Lyrics:

They called him Moses and he thought he could jump bad in my ‘hood
came past the roses and approached the tee with a 3-wood
I looked at two in my crew, they said this ain’t lookin’ good
So we closed in on all sides just so to be understood

Now we’re a non-violent gaggle of geese most the time
And if you ask to play through we’ll stick to ours and it’s fine
But when a punk disrespects and steps hard then it poses
a quick beef and you’ll go down like the clown they call Moses
So take a gander at me, I’m just as bad as can be
and if you’re mad I’ll bring you battle like I had on the “D”
So don’t be laughin’ at me, and try to cap cuz you’ll see
I’ll see your wack sorry ass when you get back to the 18th green

Whatchu sorry motha(BLOOOP)s know about fightin geese?
You perpetratin’, tawdry wack miniminalist MOTHAFUCKAAAAAS!

19 Responses to “Moses from the “D” vs Some Geese (the Rap)”

  1. Phelps says:

    I even had a kind of sing-song West Coast thing going on in my head the fit the chorus TIGHT. I might practice that one in case I have to clown D in person one day.

  2. Phelps says:

    I’m sitting here in line to get on a plane, and the woman in front of me is drinking some frappachino thing, but it isn’t from Starbucks. It’s called – and I’m not kidding:

    Coffee Kula.

    I’m right on the verge of laughing my balls off every time she takes a sip. They should have just called it booty juice

  3. Mexigogue says:

    Hey Phelps didn’t you used to work with some dudes in a rap studio? What exactly did you do?

    Ha ha that coffee kula thing. It’s funny when people happen upon Spanish words by accident. When my daughter was a baby her mom said to her “Isn’t she just the cutest thing my little CHINGA!” I laughed until I died and they resussitated me and I laughed again!

  4. Nice Rack says:

    D should have just checked to see if the geese had heart murmers. That always makes me laugh

  5. TB says:

    I prefer to believe the geese have built themselves a nice little ancient chinese like dynasty.. and that fucken goose that chased the D around has the LONGEST fu-manchu of them all. All the bitch geese suck him off constantly and find the choicest grass for him to graze on.

    off to finish my Coffee Kula.

  6. Phelps says:

    Yeah, I was technical director for the music video show that the label put on (Jazzmind Avenue) and the sports show (Nate Newton’s Sports Arena). That took like 15 hours a week, so the rest of the time I just hung out in the recording studio. That was cool. I just shot the shit with the engineer (Richie Rich) and talked shit with all the gangsta rappers. I was White Mike (as opposed to Mike.)

    All the voice work I ever did was some VO/Announcer shit. I don’t “flow” usually. And chinga is a real good general purpose word here. GWB is supposed to speak Spanish, but I bet every other word is chinGAAAAaaaa. That’s just how we talk.

    Time to catch my connection.

  7. Mexigogue says:

    OMG. . . a goose can suck you off??? I’m scared to try it.

    Unless. . .


  8. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    Real gangsta geese would incorporate “bitch ass nigga” into their lyrics somehow

  9. TB says:

    goose prefer handjobs, but with the right coaxing….

    hey Rack, still ready to fuck?

  10. Mexigogue says:

    The Mallard ducks are allowed to use the “n” word. I’m not sure about the geese.

  11. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Dude we went to Orange County coppers yesterday that was a pretty cool, we got to see a bunch of their theme bikes from TV and Pauley came out and talked to people for a few minutes. I even bought a Mikey boblehead for my desk.

  12. Nice Rack says:

    TB, I told you what was required. Plane ticket with either your name or my name on it

  13. rae says:

    Now that was fucking funny. I miss you Mexi!!!

  14. Mexi you have out done yourself on this one. I just back from being on the raod and spit another bottle of beer over my keyboard. Now I cant play AA. Damn!!!

    Man those fucking geese were hoody for sure. It’s not even funny! I am getting GOOSE BUMPS just thinking about it.

    Damn I am good!

    Goodnight Now!

  15. Mexigogue says:

    haha! I’m a world famous rapper!

  16. TB says:

    Don’t let it go to your head. So was Vanilla Ice.

  17. Mexigogue says:

    Vanilla Ice said:

    All right stop. . . collaborate and listen

    What the fuck is that?? All right, stop and listen I get, but collaborate?? With whom? And in what? And how can we listen when we’re busy trying to collaborate?? That just didn’t make any damn sense and the American public never forgave Vanilla Ice for that. Above all rap lyrics must be rational.

  18. Phelps says:

    How about

    Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly

    WHAT? THE? FUCK?!? How in the hell does a harpoon flow? Hell, FLOE like a harpoon would make more sense.

  19. Phelps says:

    Heeeeeeey… I got another free round trip coming from SWA next time I take a flight.


    Rack, when we gonna fuck?