Pinky-Swear

I’m all for having weird dreams and all but having one where I’m separated from my pet cockroach when I accidently fall off the sheer face of a mountain that I’ve climbed so I can snipe people on their way to the rifle range. . . That just takes the cake.Michael

My uncle’s heart is operating at about 20%. They’re talking about an operation but at his age that’s dangerous in and of itself. My grandfather had more heart attacks than Fred Sanford before he finally kicked it. It runs in the family. I hate problems without solutions.

Last night I was at the bar and this chick asked me if I could guard the door to the men’s restroom so she could use it because the line for the womens was too long. I said sure. She said “Promise not to let anyone in?” I said yeah, I’ll stand right here. She looked unconvinced. “Pinky swear!” she said and stuck out her pinky. I wrapped my pinky in hers and said “Pinky swear.”

So I’m standing at the entrance to the mens room like a sentinal and this dude walks up. “Excuse me man” he says. “I can’t let anyone in there. There’s a chick in there.” He thinks for a minute and then says damn and then walks around to kill time.

Then this big dude comes up. He’s maybe 6′ 3″.

“Hey man, I need to get in there.”

“Nope, there’s a chick in there and I can’t let no one through.”

“Aw come on man, you know me. She’s gotta be in the stall so I’ll just go in the pisser.”

“Nuh uh. I promised I wouldn’t let anyone in. She made me pinky swear.”

“Oh. . . All right then.”

16 Responses to “Pinky-Swear”

  1. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    She must be one dirty bitch to even think about using a mens toilet in a bar. I’ve seen those things and they are nasty. They are usually so nasty folks won’t even raise the seat ’cause there is too much piss on the them…Way fucked up man

    BTW has Leroy taken the duct tape off of the toilet yet?

  2. Mexigogue says:

    Haha. The toilet works now. Usually I raise the lid with my foot.

  3. Citizen Quasar says:

    Women have a way of placing their feet on the seat and then squatting over the toilet. That’s how they deal will dirty toilet seats. Learn some anatomy UNLV.

    Mexigogue: Chivalrous!

  4. Mexigogue says:

    I’m not even sure what the point of me posting that was. I think maybe the point was integrity. If I say such-and-such shall be done, then dammit it shall be done. Like if I say I will uphold justice, then I’m gonna uphold justice if it means that I have to rip out the eyeballs of hundred nuns to do it! That’s how much integrity I have.

    Why is everybody looking at me like that?

  5. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    Now that is some shit I want to see. I want to see a chick with both feet on the toilet seat pissing! I think there is more to it that just anatomy Quasar. That shit takes the strength, agility and mental toughness of a professional athlete. Somebody should make pissing in a dirty toilet seat an Olympic event. The contestants can get points for originality, difficulty, spray pattern and amount of time it takes them to squat into positon without using their hands. They lose points for any part of their body other than their feet coming in contact with the dirty seat, missing the “target” or falling in. They can even use the handicapped stalls for the special olympians out there. Me, you and Mexi will be the inagural judges and write up the rest of the rules

  6. Mexigogue says:

    That plan is fail-safe. Everyone’s a winner!!! I applaud your insight and ingenuity.

  7. Mexigogue says:

    I think if you break a pinky-swear you go to the Gulag or something. At any rate I’m not willing to find out.

  8. TB says:

    snipin’ fools on the way to the rifle range.

    that’s like Fucking the bitches on the way to fuckin the bitches backstage at the rock show.

    Great!

  9. Hey my last pinky swear caused me to say I do. Fuck that shit!

  10. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    They should get those guys from Jack Ass to do a reality show “Snipin for Groupies”

  11. Phelps says:

    Yeah, I found out about the “hover” thing awile ago and was amazed. I have since appreciated the ability to piss standing up.

    And in the same discussion, I found out that there is an “anti-hover” faction of women who hate the hoverers because they say they piss all over the seat and make it worse. Apparently, women pee on the seat more than men do.

  12. Faye says:

    I am pro-hover…the best trick I ever learned in public restroom survival

  13. Phelps says:

    Hmm. Faye pees on the seat. Why does that get me turned on?

  14. Phelps says:

    Actually, I think a large part of it has to do with the name Faye being associated with this in my mind:

    http://www.fayevalentine.net/pics/screenshots/faye-046.jpg

    http://www.fayevalentine.net/pics/screenshots/faye-447.jpg

  15. Faye says:

    Deja vu…

    Whoa! Hell…I’m going to take that as a compliment….

  16. Phelps says:

    I keep going back to the MP5 cigarillo one. Cigar smoking gun bunnies. Mmmmmm.