April 19, 1970- It was a rainy day in the dusty West Texas town of San Angelo. It was a fateful hour for humanity. At 8:05 a.m. Central time (9:05 in Michigan) I punched my way out of the uterus shouting “OH YEAHHHH” like the Kool-Aid man. The attending doctor had a pair of scissors in his hand. I quickly put him into a wrist lock and disarmed him, then I gnawed through the umbilical cord and you all know the rest of the story.

The address on my birth certificate is listed as 504 West Avenue W. No, that’s not West avenue West, the street is actually named W. For some stupid reason there are streets named after letters in the barrio in San Angelo. We gathered all our stuff in the Beverly Hillbilly truck soon after my birth and headed for the great state of Michigan, the state that looks like a hand.

My earliest memories involve this time I was at Leroy’s and I won a game of pool against Willie Peters with an 8-ball bank. What can I say, I don’t have much of a memory. But that’s not my point. My point is that I’m 35 now so at some point I’m going to have to get around to doing whatever it is I came here to do. Probably something to do with corrupting my childrens’ minds. I’m one step ahead of the game. I have it all planned out.

1. Corrupt my childrens’ minds
2. ???
3. The cash rolls in!

35 Responses to “THREE-FIVE!!!!”

  1. Cosmic Siren says:

    Interesting. The Murrah Building was bombed on your 25th birthday.

    There has to be something significant to that.

  2. Mexigogue says:

    It wasn’t me. That was the day I logged in at work and I saw the date and said hey that seems familiar. WTF??? It’s my birthday!!

    They had a potluck for me at work. Then Kelley stopped and talked to me for a minute. That was cool.

  3. R says:

    When’s the barbecue?

  4. Cosmic Siren says:

    Other people celebrating birthdays today:

    1957 Rod Morgenstein rocker (Winger)
    1960 Frank Viola Hempstead NY, pitcher (Minnesota Twins, New York Mets/Cy Young-1988)
    1962 Al Unser Jr Indy-car racer (over 10 wins)
    1962 Christa Teno Tecumseh Ontario Canada, LPGA golfer (1989 Mitsubishi-44th)
    1964 Harris Barton NFL tackle (San Francisco 49ers)
    1964 Scott Kamienicki pitcher (New York Yankees)
    1966 Randolph Keys NBA forward (Milwaukee Bucks)
    1968 Ashley Taylor Judd [Ciminella] Granada Hills CA, actress (Kuffs, Sisters)
    1968 Brent Mayne Loma Linda CA, catcher (New York Mets)
    1968 Keith McCants NFL defensive end (Arizona Cardinals)
    1969 Carlos Reyes Miami FL, pitcher (Oakland A’s)
    1969 Danelle Marie Folta Hammond IN, playmate (April 1995)
    1970 Michael Barrow NFL linebacker (Houston Oilers, Carolina Panthers)
    1972 Eric Jack NFL cornerback (Atlanta Falcons)
    1972 Jeff Wilkins NFL kicker (San Francisco 49ers)
    1975 Nazarena Almada Miss Argentina-Universe (1997)
    1976 Vanessa Guzman Miss México-Universe (1996)
    1978 Adrienne Parker Miss Tennessee Teen-USA (1996)
    1979 Mariah Billado Miss Vermont Teen-USA (1997)

    What’s with all the beauty pagent contestants?

  5. Mexigogue says:

    I’m one of the beautiful people. duh!

  6. Cosmic Siren says:

    You must hide all the good photos.

    I guess that’s to keep the stalkers down.


  7. Mexigogue says:

    My mom likes me.

  8. Nice Rack says:

    Happy birthday Meximan! Maybe I’ll be nice and let you do what D did on Saturday night. On second thought….that sounds like I’m offering up sex, so never mind that thought

  9. Mexigogue says:

    Hey, I”m just glad you don’t read the blog before 8:00 a.m before I overwrite my comments from the previous night!!

  10. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    Isn’t today Hitler’s b-day as well?

  11. Mexigogue says:

    Hitler’s is tomorrow. Don’t jump the gun.

  12. Nice Rack says:

    What do I miss before 8am Mexi? You already molested my hand, you might as well let me know what goes on while drunken-blogging.

  13. Mexigogue says:

    Some silliness. “I love Nice Rack” and whatnot. But it’s a good thing I overwrote it so now you will never know. Heh heh.
    . . .
    . . . .

  14. Peggy says:

    Mexi, Happy Birthday and congratulations on lasting this long. I made fifty-two this past Sunday.

  15. Mexigogue says:

    Haha! When you’re 100 I’m gonna be just 83!

  16. Nice Rack says:

    Considering you tell me in person when you are drunk, it doesn’t matter whether or not you write it. I already know, and now the whole world does too. Of course, those that don’t know who “Nice Rack” is may just think that you are in love with, um, a pool table rack. So either way, you are completely normal.

  17. Mexigogue says:

    Yes I said it to you but I immediately said “I take it back” and you didn’t say “no backsies.” So it was an official retraction complying with OSHA regulations.

  18. R says:

    When’s the fucking barbecue? I’m starving!

  19. rae says:

    Happy Birthday you sexy little bitch!!

  20. Mexigogue says:

    HAHAHHAHAHHA to “R”‘s hunger and to Rae’s comment!

  21. Phelps says:


  22. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    It would have been sweet if you had got elected Pope for your birthday. Happy birthday Pope Mexigouge II

  23. Mexigogue says:

    Don’t think I wasn’t thinking about that. Frigging council of cardinals. Would you believe they never responded to my email declaring my candidacy??? This is an outrage!

  24. Jill says:

    Wishing you many dirty birthday spankings!

  25. Mexigogue says:

    Is there no problem that can’t be solved with monkeys?

  26. Mexigogue says:

    HEY!! Maria Sharapova has my same birthday!!!

  27. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    They should change the TV show from “Cops” to “Monkey Cops”. It will be awesome

  28. Mexigogue says:

    “Get your hands off me you dirty ape!!!”

  29. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    I hate every monkey I see from Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z

  30. Mexigogue says:

    You’ll never make a monkey out of meeee

  31. Cosmic Siren says:

    And here are the pictures –

    He had to move the site because the powers that be didn’t care for it.

  32. R says:

    I love how the guy isn’t wearing any protective gear whatsoever.

  33. THREE-FIVE!!!!