I Hate People (II.)

I’m shooting pool the other day getting ready to end the night having drunk about a pitcher and a half of beer. I’m kind of trying to win the game, kind of just passing time as I know my accuracy has decreased via Budweiser. I have a tough shot which requires some even tougher BS on the ball to get a good leave in case I make it. I hit it and my object ball bounces out so I miss my shot. My opponent wins the game.

This Mexican guy from Dallas has been hanging back observing the game. He hasn’t bothered me so far but one thing is kind of annoying and that’s that only one of his eyes moves but I figure I’ll cut him some slack because I’m benevolent like that. He steps to me and remarks on my shot: “You wanna know what you did wrong?”

“NOPE!” I say loudly and distinctly as I turn to put my cue stick away. I already know what I did wrong which is I missed the shot because I tried to put some stuff on it to get a good leave and I couldn’t pull it off. I don’t need technical assistance from a guy who sees the world in 2-D.

“You hit the ball too hard, you should have-”

“I just said I didn’t want to know what I did wrong! You asked if I wanted to know and I said no!”

After a few protestations of his good intentions I go away and wonder what’s wrong with people. Later on he comes back and buys me a beer as reparations. I told him I wasn’t mad at him, just annoyed.

Then last night this black dude from Houston called me ‘vato’. He said “What’s up vato, esse?” and he reached out to shake my hand. At first I just kind of rolled my eyes but when he called me vato again I said “Hey man, why can’t I just be ‘Mike’? I don’t go around callin’ the brothas ‘brotha’!” Then he apologized and said he didn’t intend any offense and I said it’s not a big deal but it happens all the time and it’s kind of old. To make amends when he bought his friends a round he had the waitress bring me a beer.

I don’t know what’s up with the offensive Texans who hasten to make amends but keep ’em comin’ Phelps. Less beer money out of my pocket.

The black dude was cool and he even showed me his drivers license to prove he was from Texas (I don’t know why, I didn’t doubt it when he said it.) When the Mexican guy told me he was from Dallas I asked if he listened to the Russ Martin Show and he laughed and said yes. It’s the fact that he laughed that let me know he’s on the level. The world is getting smaller.

Then a really nasty looking woman was trying to flirt with me the other day. What made it even worse is that the dude she was with was looking at me all mean when she was talking to me. This is the worst of both worlds, I thought, and I found a way to get her away from me, but it wasn’t easy. That chick needs to be on a leash that’s tied to a stick in the yard. Not out there bothering me. You don’t see me out chunking rocks at the Ugly Woman-mobile!

Everyone’s looking at me crazy because I’m letting my hair grow. It’s been more than a year since I first buzzed it all off and they looked at me crazy back then. Now that they got used to it they think it’s something to remark one now that I’m growing it back. I can’t win for losing. I wish the miscellaneous people would just mind their own business.

I’m actually having a good day today. Hiding in my cubicle!

28 Responses to “I Hate People (II.)”

  1. Cosmic Siren says:

    Sounds a whole lot better than arguing with a nimrod about what the word “eccentric” actually means.

  2. Cosmic Siren says:

    Thought I’d check my own words in the last point and I just called the guy a hunter. But it fits – he’s hunting for a way to discredit me and save his ego.

  3. Mexigogue says:

    People are dumb.

    Hey I’m gonna start carrying a tennis ball in my pocket. That way if that chick shows up and tries to talk to me I’ll just throw the ball and sees if she runs to go get it.

  4. TB says:

    first off, Texas sucks.

    secondly, regarding this comment:
    “At first I just kind of rolled my eyes but when he called me vato again I said “Hey man, why can’t I just be ‘Mike’?”

    I feel ya dude. Sometimes I’ll be hangin out and shit and these bitches walk up to me and say “Hey ultimate thrash master, why do you rock so hard? Can we suck yer cock?” And I always think to myself, why can’t they just say “Hi Bob, can we suck your cock?”

    come on.

  5. Mexigogue says:

    That’s exactly what I’m talking about. See, TB gets it!!!

  6. Nice Rack says:

    So Meximan, I went off on a tangent the other day? Nice to know.

  7. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    You mean to tell me that there was a nasty looking woman at Leroy’s! Say it ain’t so. That place sounds like it may be starting to go down hill. I would have figured the Mexican guy would have called you vato not the black guy….

  8. Cosmic Siren says:

    Tangents are nice. I use them frequently.

  9. Mexigogue says:

    Yes. My post was about Rational Objectivism and arguing against determinism. Your response was also about a philosophical concept, specifically the idea that choice is an illusion. It was not about Rational Objectivism itself but it touched on an idea in the original post, ergo it is tangental. If thats a word, I don’t feel like looking it up.

  10. Cosmic Siren says:

    Rack is a Calvinist? I lean towards Arminian, myself.

  11. Phelps says:

    They are buying you beer because a) when you piss a Texan off enough that they say something about it, you are about to fight, so appologies and amends are in order, and b) Texans like to pick up the tab.

    In fact, I’ve often almost gotten into fights over who IS going to pick up the bill. I’ve been informed that this isn’t the norm other places. I remember watching the Sopranos once, and Tony’s daughter’s boyfriend gets the tab at the restruant, and Tony blows up and tells him that if he ever does that again he’ll cut his balls off — THAT I got. I figure that in a lot of ways, Texans and old-school Italians are a lot alike.

    Oh, and you were right about the vato thing. Vato and Bro are about the same, and are very familiar terms. I don’t mind you calling me vato or bro if I am your vato or bro, but it annoys the shit out of me to have some mere acquantance or less calling me that. “Vato? I don’t know you, motherfucker.”

  12. Phelps says:

    Oh, and TB, if you ever end up in Texas, come say that to me so I can shove your own foot up your ass and keep my boots clean.

    Oklahoma sucks. That is why Texas doesn’t slide off into the Gulf.

  13. Phelps says:

    I have to know… the eye that wasn’t moving… was it just kinda kickin it?

  14. Mexigogue says:

    Kickin’ it indeed. I wonder if he does the weather.

  15. Peggy says:

    Reading this at work and started laughing about the tennis ball. Co-worker asks what’s funny, so I read for her the ugly woman/tennis ball thing. She looks confused and says, “That’s not funny”.
    Yeah it is.

  16. Mexigogue says:

    I thought there might be an “i” in there. But if I put it in the wrong spot it would have become “tangenital.” Then all hell would have broke loose.

  17. Peggy says:

    I wrote that way first. Even when I realized it was incorrect, I almost left it in for the fun of it.

  18. Mexigogue says:

    Peggy, how much of my stuff have you read? I realize, of course, that if you’re a psychiatrist I’m screwed.

  19. Cosmic Siren says:

    Mexi, what are you going to do when I get my license? Granted it will be a few years from now.

  20. Mexigogue says:

    Hit you up for prescriptions of course!

  21. Cosmic Siren says:

    I would be a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. I wouldn’t be able to give you drugs.

  22. Mexigogue says:

    That’s crazy talk!

  23. Phelps says:

    I’m neither one, and I can give you drugs. That’s one of the problems that I see with my decriminalization stance — once drugs are legal again, it will be damned near impossible to find crack. You’ll have to drive all the way out to the other side of town to find a crack bar, instead of just going down the street. I kinda wish we went back to prohibition so I wouldn’t have to drive as far to get a drink.

    Legal drugs are damned inconvenient.

  24. tb says:

    Phelpsie, allow me to clarify.

    every single person in Texas, besides you and people you know, fam, etc. sucks.

    They just do. I talk to them all day. Actually that’s not fair. I just talk to real estate assholes.

    hey, maybe I was wrong about this whole thing.

    I know hippies still suck though.

  25. Phelps says:

    Oh, you talk to Trey Trentholms all day.

    We already knew that Trey sucks.

  26. JD Car Wreck 911 Call says:

    “I call it my Treyyyyyy Special!”

  27. Peggy says:

    I’ve read everything but March. I’m not a psychiatrist, so not to worry. However, I do work for a judge and you have confessed to a number of misdemeanors. Possibly a few felonys. Expect a visit.
    Rachael(Feb 3)needs some assistance. A few good shots of estrogen and she’ll feel so much better.

  28. Cosmic Siren says:


    Re: Rachel

    Good call 😉