Organized Religion is Sooo Not Tits

Hitting an 8 ball three rails into the corner pocket to win the game? Tits! Playing the pull tab machine and going home with more money than you started out with? Tits! Your mom making you go to church on Sunday morning so you can sit among a lot of credulous people who you have nothing in common with? That is NOT tits!

I’m not talking about myself, I’m 30-something so I never have to set foot in a religious establishment again if I dont’ want to. I’m talking about two of my exes calling me complaining that our kids have a negative attitude about going to church. I don’t blame them. Church is boring and being forced to go out of duress is wack. Plus I don’t think most preachers can exegesis their way out of a paper bag.

This is not a slam on God or on theism itself. It is a criticism of religious dogma and strict adherence to Biblical tracts that were not written by God Himself but were penned by mortals like Bo and Luke. People act like The Bible was handed down intact from the heavens above by a flaming hand with a Divine Kung-Fu grip but in fact it was assembled by people and herein lies the flaw. The Bible is a good book but stop acting like it’s the Gospel or something! Plus most Christians have deviated so far from the original message that they would not recognize Jesus if he had them in a scissor-lock.

Jesus came with one basis message, “Hear, o Israel, the Lord your God is One God.” Hard to screw that one up. Enter people and now we have Christianity splintered into not two, not five, but a million different factions! Catholics, Lutherans, Jehovah’s Witness, 7th Day Adventists, Latter Day Saints, Southern Baptist, and the list goes on! I went to a Pentacostal church once and I asked the preacher what that means. He smiled and said “That means we believe in the Pentacost!” Thanks for clearing that up. And what’s a Methodist? Is that like the only motherfucker in the group that has a method? Every other religion is just random sh%@?

Actually I think I figured it out. The Greek word penta means five, and cost sounds like they’re talking about money. So I guess that means it’s the church of ‘I got five on it.’

My kids moms are calling me because they’re dealing with independant thought. I’d like to take some credit for that. I told them to examine every idea with a rational mind and if something does not make sense to you then reject it, no matter who that idea comes from. That includes if it comes from me. So now they question everything they hear in hocus-pocus Sunday school and the mom’s not liking it. Funny aside, the term hocus-pocus is a variant of the latin term “hoc est corpus” meaning “this is the body (of Christ)” that the priests do in the communion dealy, so calling it hocus pocus school is not that far off.

I hope that my children grow up to believe in God. I also hope that they grow up to reject organized religion. Personal-pan religion is more fun anyway. That way you can believe in God and still debauche from time to time without having to look over your shoulder. So sayeth the Mexi.

18 Responses to “Organized Religion is Sooo Not Tits”

  1. Phelps says:

    Actually, the guy meant this, from Acts 2:

    And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

    In other words, he thinks that glossolalia is divinely inspired.

  2. Jeremy says:

    Not to get into dogma, because I definately agree with your point about organized religion, but… I would say that Jesus’s main message was about love and forgiveness. It’s what really separates his message from the violence and “eye for an eye” of the Old Testament.

    I would say Christianity as realized in the world today has a long way to go, as a rule, even on the love and forgiveness track.

  3. Phelps says:

    That’s why I like Moses more than Jesus. Jesus was more like a hippie. “Don’t fight back.” “Give away all your stuff.” “Wear sandals.”

    Moses was more my type of guy. “I said let my people go. And you don’t, I’m gonna put the stick on your ass.” “Pick up your shit and follow me, or you’re gonna get left and never see the promised land!” “I spent all day carving tablets, and you heathen bitches were making golden calves! I’ll whup every one of your asses!” That’s my kind of guy.

    I’m totally Old Testament. I’ll take Moses and Abraham and Solomon over Jesus, Peter and Paul anyday.

  4. Mexigogue says:

    Blessed are the merciful, they will obtain mercy.

    Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

    Love thy neighbor.

    Be a total bitch and condemn things you don’t understand.

    Which of these does not fit?

  5. Mexigogue says:

    I’d have to agree with you on that one Phelps. You gotta fear a dude who was not afraid to put his own son on the chopping block. Then he got shot at Fords theater.

  6. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    I’m more of a Jim Jones follower anybody want to move to South America with me?

  7. Mexigogue says:

    I always wondered when it was time for the deal to go down did he yell “HEY KOOL-AID!!!”

  8. The "D" says:

    Because of the revelation that I just had due to this post. I am officially changing my name to Moses from “The “D”. Yeah that’s my type of homeboy!!!!! Yeah!

    ViVa Tha Blog!

  9. Mexigogue says:

    The “D”, I feel I must apologize to you. Sorry dude.

  10. The "D" says:


  11. The "D" says:

    Mike what the Hell are you talking about??

  12. Mexigogue says:

    I didn’t do it on purpose. I had this dream that I was having an affair with Linda. I woke up and I was like WTF?????? And in my dream it was like a regular state of life, yep, having an affair with Linda. Then I woke up and was like NO NO NO NO!!! Where’s Dave so I can apologize!

  13. The "D" says:

    Now you know I am sitting here cracking up! I did that to one of my friends and he got mad at me. Now I told him I was dreaming and that was that. You know he did not talk to me for 2 weeks.

    I just had a dream about Kim!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to apologize to her! Damn! I feel dirty!

  14. Mexigogue says:

    That was dumb of your friend to get mad. Dreams like that often aren’t even based on actual desire to be with that person. I had a dream I did it to my former boss who is a white haired 50-something lady. Then I went and told people at work and they got all ooked out! HAHA!

  15. guy in the UNLV Jacket says:

    By “Kim” do you mean Mexi’s first wife? If so that was no dream it was a nightmare and you should seek therapy Moses!

  16. The "D" says:

    No! Kim from Leroy’s! She has to be one of the collest women in Lansing. If I was 10 years older I would be on her like pork chop!

    Shit fuck that I am on her now and I am at least 12 years older than her. I can’t explain it she is just my type!

    She even plays spades!

  17. Mexigogue says:

    She has boobs like midgets. One day she came in and said “Hey, where’s the party?” Without missing a beat I reply “In your shirt.” Then everybody laughed and she laughed too because she knew it was true!

  18. I remember when you told me that one!!