Question

I’ve been meaning to blog about this for some time but I haven’t gotten around to it. It’s killing me now so I finally have got to ask: why is it that cats only know one word? Meow. What the %$@* kind of vocabulary is that??? Look up the English-to-cat dictionary and you will see these listings:

I’m hungry: meow
go outside: meow
come back inside: meow
pet me: meow
where are you?: meow
hey: meow
fuck me: meow

How limiting is that? The only other two things they say are GRRRR and HISSSS but those are more gutteral noises rather than actual words. And they’re not any better at body language either. I point at the cat and it just sniffs my finger. Real good. That right there pretty much shoots down the idea that they’re smarter than dogs, or anyone at all.

That is all.

3 Responses to “Question”

  1. Cosmic Siren says:

    Dude, you need to meet my cat then. Not only is his vocabulary than that, but he has one hell of a vocal range. He howls too.

    Mreow – “Yeah, I’m here, don’t step on me.”
    Meow – “Please?”
    Murrrrow – “Excuse me! Annoyed cat here.”
    Murururoooow – “I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE! YOU CAN’T KEEP ME IN LIKE A PRISONER!”
    Meoooooooooooooow – “GET ME THE U.N.! I WANT TO REPORT CRUEL AND UNUSUAL TREATMENT!”
    Meee-OW – “Somebody feed me NOW!”
    Snort – “You are so clueless.”
    Attacks on ankles – “There is an empty water dish with my name on it that needs to be filled.”
    Mew – “You are really going to go in there with all that water?”
    Attacks on buttocks – “Get off that damn computer(or phone) and pay attantion to me.”

  2. Phelps says:

    My cat says “meester” a lot, like Speedy Gonzalez.

  3. R says:

    I once went down to one of those animal shelters to see if I could pick up a cat, since I always thought they were cooler than dogs since they just lounged around and weren’t high maintenance.

    So I stopped in front of this one cage and this grey looking cat stared point-blank at me. “Hey, cat,” I said, kind of non-chalant and was pretty fucking surprised when I heard in reply:

    “Hey yourself, motherfucker. Just what the hell do you think you’re looking at? Some poor cat in a cage that you were thinking about taking home since I wouldn’t be a bother to you, but would play with a goddamn ball of yarn anytime you took a fancy to giving me a minutea of attention? Or maybe you like the idea of cats being these evil fucks always plotting the demise of their owners, hence exuding some higher form of intelligence than dogs; except that you’d dismiss the ridiculous plot of murder since, hey, I’m just a fucking cat, right? Well, you’d be right about the former and wrong about the latter because if I had to live with your dumb ass, I’d definitely be trying to figure out how to kill you, but, you know, given the lack of opposable thumbs, wouldn’t be able to do much of anything. But I don’t feel too bad, because, hey, a bunch of hairless apes with the advantage of opposable thumbs haven’t really managed to do much either.”

    So I left because that cat was too damn smart.