TAKE THAT HANDICAPS!

Every so often in the pool league you will play an opponent with a physical disability of some kind. Rather than having an easy time as some might expect you will find that these can be some of the most tenacious players you will ever face. I can only imagine that these players take it as a personal challenge to overcome these obstacles and show that they can be just as good over even better than the normals other players.

Last year my team played otherly-abled people three times and we took a beating. The chick in the wheelchair took two out of three against us, the man with one arm won all three, and the guy with a hook for a hand got all three as well. This kind of stuff wrecks your average, it ruins your self esteem, and it will leave you wondering aloud like my sub did last year if you should go lay your arm on a railroad track so you too can have a hook for a hand.

So last night as our opponents filed in at Leroy’s Classic Bar and Grill I saw the guy in the wheelchair and I thought not him, not him, dear God not him. I didn’t ask who I was playing but when the other team’s girl played first and another guy played second I thought to myself here it comes. Sure as ships when I went to rack the balls he wheeled out to the table. Relax Mike, just chalk up and play.

They guy shot well but I shot better. I played some good safes which are especially hard to answer back on from a sitting position but when the guy got out of the chair and leaned on the table I had to keep from shouting NOOOOO! After I won the first game he wheeled back to the table and told his teammates “I guess I shouldn’t have shot so cocky.” He clearly expected to win all three.

I ended up taking two out of three games so my fear of playing the physically disabled is at least partially overcome. I’ve gotten over the hump, so to speak (this part would have been funnier if I had actually played a hunchback). My opponent’s average which had been higher than mine goes a little bit down and mine goes a little bit up. My two wins totalled 18 points minus the 8 he got for beating me equals ten. Oh, since his average was higher than mine he had to spot me a ball a round which means I got three handicap points so as far as the stats go our roles are reversed. Now where do I go apply for a parking sticker?

12 Responses to “TAKE THAT HANDICAPS!”

  1. R says:

    I never knew pool was so intricate. I mean, I guess I always thought there was more to the game than aligning the stick, the cue ball, a target ball, and a hole and hoping it goes in, but shit, it sounds like a lot of strategerie and work to call it a “game.”

  2. Nice Rack says:

    At least you didn’t mention that I was the one who got beaten by the one armed man and the woman in the wheelchair. Did I ever tell you that I had to play against a woman with only one leg in Jackson last year with Pantyman? So far this year I’ve been lucky. You missed Sunday night, I had a table run against this older gentleman who said that he played me last year and I was no where near that good. He told me he was very impressed with my game now.

  3. Mexigogue says:

    I bet the one-legged woman is somewhere blogging about playing you.

    “I had to play a ‘normal’ went I went to Jackson. What the hell is all that about. She was just standing there on two good legs. brrrrrr!”

    Shawn subbed for the other team last night. I talked to him but since you don’t like him I laughed at his jokes but not very hard.

  4. Nice Rack says:

    I don’t care enough either way anymore. You can like him if you want to. D says he’s lost weight like he’s on crack, but I didn’t notice. What do you think?

  5. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Let’s hear it for Mexi he beat a gimp!!! Next you’ll be entering the special olympics pretending to be retarted! If you do, I hope some steroid shooting cripple kicks your ass in all the events and they find out you aren’t really retarted.

  6. Mexigogue says:

    What Timmy?

    Timmah Timmah, timmah timmah, timmeah timmah JIMMAH!!

    I didn’t notice that he lost any weight. But then again I didn’t notice that Halima put on like 40 lbs. I spend more attention to the inner world rather than the outer.

  7. Phelps says:

    And here I thought that you were finally going to explain how billiards averages and handicaps were calculated.

    (Bowling is easy. Average pins from your last 12 games; handicap is 80-90% — depending on the league — of the difference between your average and 200 or 220, again, depending on the league. Handicap of 0 above 200/220.)

  8. Mexigogue says:

    It’s complicated. A new player starts out with 1000 average. You play 3 games on league night each win counting as 8 pts plus however many of yoru opponent’s balls left on the table (8 pts plus 3 balls left on table = 11 pts that’s simple enough)

    At the end of the night you add your pts and subtract your opponents points and you have that total. Then if your there are any spot points you add or subtract that from the figure (depending on who was spotting whom).

    At the end you post the totals on your sheet and when the opposing pool captain comes over you check each others work and you end up cussing each other out because nobody knows how to add and everyone’s penmanship sucks unless you have a chick who can write legibly for you.

    And dat’s dat!

  9. Handicapped Guy says:

    I especially liked how when I got up to shoot that shot you jumped in my chair and wheeled it all the way out into the parking lot. JACKASS!!

  10. Phelps says:

    So… a perfect game is 15 points? And does your end subtotal (positive or negative) just get summed in with your average?

  11. Mexigogue says:

    Yes, a perfect game is 15 points. And your end total at the end of the night (all three game totals) are used to adjust your average.

  12. The "D" says:

    Mike you know what I say about playig anybody in pool?………………………………Fuck you I am going to whoop your ass. People in wheelchairs………………mmmmmmmmmmmmm I hate to say this but………..I leave them the longest damn shots in the world. Shit I lost all three and had a physically challenged person talk shit to me all night once. FUCK THAT! It would have been wrong if I pushed his chair over into the urinal when nobody was looking!!!!!!!!!! Laugh now fucker!!

    If a person picks up the stick he or she deserves your best game. My only vice is on person i pool and I am not going to get into that again.