I’s feudin’ with one of my co-workers. To be more exact I just found out about the feud and I have catching up to do. One of my co-workers with whom I used to be on good terms stopped speaking to me a long while back. For what reason, I’m not even certain but my nature being as it is I was oblivious to the fact that she was giving me the silent treatment. I just thought that she was having a bad day every day for like six months straight because she always looked angry whenever I saw her. Then about November I asked her if she wasn’t speaking to me and she just turned and stormed away. Score one for my interpersonal skills, I finally picked up on a non-verbal cue!

So now I’m reciprocating by not speaking to this co-worker who is not speaking to me. It makes work really uncomfortable since every time she walks by I have to avert my eyes and pretend she’s not there. Once I was instructed to take a document to her. I asked the student intern if she could do it “because I’m not speaking to her.” “Why?” I was asked. “I don’t know. But we’re giving each other the silent treatment and it’s become a battle and I’ll be damned if I lose!”

I think I might have an idea why she’s mad. She stopped speaking with a person in the office that had once been her very good friend. After a few months of not speaking with her former friend I went to her and offered her congratulations. She asked for what. I said “I have to give you credit, I never knew you could be this evil. So-and-so person used to be your really good friend and when you started giving her the silent treatment I didn’t think you would be able to stick it out but I was wrong. You’re way more evil than I gave you credit for. I have to give you your props.”

The funny thing is I didn’t mean it as an insult. It was my way of saying I wish you two would patch things up. But I didn’t want to sound sappy so I said it the backwards way. Rather than sparking some reflection and a change of heart she must have taken the remark as an attack on her character. My plan backfired and now I’m the bad guy.

So here I am in my cubicle today sitting here in my overalls with my shotgun and straw hat. We’s fuedin’.

22 Responses to “Feudin’”

  1. Brian says:

    One thing you can do is freeze a can of shaving cream. Once it gets good and frozen, bust the top off the can. Then put in in the drawer of her desk at night. When she comes back to work the next morning, the shaving cream will have thawed and will be spewing out of her drawer! Classic!

  2. rae says:

    Naw-what you need to do is draw a chalk line down the halfway point between your cubicals/offices and have someone tell her that if she crosses it you’ll be forced to shoot her and the ten paces turn is not an option.

  3. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    You should go in the break room and pee in the coffee….

    Check for hidden cameras first……

  4. Mexigogue says:

    All great an honorable suggestions, but I’m not mad at her. It’s just vaguely sad because she used to be nice to me. She gave me all sorts of cool clothes she had bought for her son but they were too big for him.

    Then another time she was depressed because she and her son were not speaking to each other so I e-mailed him and said dude call your mom because I’m tired of seeing her looking sad. Don’t do it for her, do it because this is beginning to annoy me (see, I always try to help in a jerky kind of way). He called her shortly thereafter. I like to think I helped in a small way. I’m for love peace and hairgrease. It looks like I tried to help one too many times though. Oh well.

  5. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Dude don’t worry about this lady she is obviously a mental case. Think about it….She’s not talking to her son, She’s not talking to some other worker bee, now she’s not talking to you. Sounds like she has a lot of issues and holds a grudge way to long. I know just the cure. Try this. Take an ordinary brown paper bag, fill it with dog poop. Put it in her cubicle and light it on fire. Then wait til she smashes it and say “it smells like somebody stepped in dog shit”

  6. MiAn says:

    My plan backfired and now I’m the bad guy.

    That’s insane! Before this you weren’t the bad guy?

    Anyhow, women… What can you do?

  7. Mexigogue says:

    Hogtie them and put ’em up on E-Bay?

  8. R says:

    Dude, your interpersonal skills rock. I wish I could have a feud with somebody at work. It sure would make not having an internet connection there a lot more tolerable.

    Cubicle feuds are even cooler than regular office feuds because of the creativity one can achieve with cubes. You could take the wall from some other cube and put it up at the entrance of the target cubicle, thereby effectively sealing off the entire cubicle! Alternatively you could remove all but one of the cube walls.

    Or you could connect the power strip to which all of a person’s computer shit is connected and run it through an extension to a power strip conveniently located near you and then at random times during the day flip the power button on your power strip on and off. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

  9. Mexigogue says:

    You know what else works? Put a trap door in the ceiling right above the person’s chair, insert full grown cat. When co-worker goes into cube and sits in chair, RELEASE THE TRAP DOOR!

  10. Phelps says:

    It’s freezing here! I went out to lunch and almost got frostbite. Eddie says it’s 40 degrees.


  11. Phelps says:

    If she has speakers on her computer, add either fart noises or orgasm noises to every action in Windows. Unhook her regular speakers, and hide some speakers someplace else (use a headphone extender to get some distance.)

  12. Mexigogue says:

    For the eddification of everyone else, Eddie is this black dude who is always calling up to the Russ Martin Show trying to get Russ’s partner J.D. to say the n word on the air. J.D. never says it and the black dude always ends up taunting him and saying “Come ON Grand Dragon, you know you wanna say it! N****************!!!”

  13. The "D" says:

    I tell you the best way to get back! Rub your dick and nuts on the inside of her coffee cup. That way everytime you see her drinking coffee or pop you know she really has “YO DICK N’s NUTS in Her MOUF”

    Take that you non-talking hoe!

    I never tried this with any of my bosses either. I promise!!! BBBBBOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!

    Leave Pubic Hair and you will become a GOD!

  14. Mexigogue says:

    The “D” gets the blue ribbon! thanks for all who entered.

  15. Mexigogue says:

    I still might have to change some sound files. That’s a good one to remember.

  16. Jeremy says:

    There’s a guy at my office who’s doing the same thing to me. I’m really not sure why, but it’s nice because he always used to come over and talk to me when I didn’t want to talk. I’d always drop hints that I was busy and he’d never leave. That went on for over three years. Finally about two months ago I was dropping mad hints and he asked if I wanted him there and I was like, “not really I have work to do.” We haven’t really spoken since unless it was work related. It’s so stupid, too, because he’s done this a few times before but never for this long. It’s nice not to have to fend him off, but I did enjoy talking to him *sometimes* (just not when I’m busy).

    The most infuriating thing you can do to a guy/gal like that is talk to them. Engage them. Make them be rude and mean. They HATE IT when they have to be shitty to somebody being nice, because it forces them to admit that they are the asshole, not you.

  17. Jeremy says:

    That’s funny, the more I read, the more this guy sounds like that chick. He went through some personal stuff that I helped him with, and when he first moved to town I hung out with him a bit.


  18. Mexigogue says:

    I don’t make eye contact and they still talk to me. They know very well that I hate saying “hello” in the morning so they make it a point to stick their head in my cubicle and say “hello” to me. I’m going to have to stop wearing deodorant. *%$@ing morons!

  19. Phelps says:

    My hosting service had to move us to another server last night to fix Leroy’s. I think we lost a couple of comments in the process. Sorry.

  20. Phelps says:

    I have reposted the links to the Super Secret Eddie Calls in Leroy’s.

  21. Nice Rack says:

    I just noticed TB’s comment from 2 days ago, Dude come to Michigan. I’ve been single for almost 3 months now and I’m starting to go crazy, lol. No post today Mike?

  22. Mexigogue says:

    I was on the road this morning. Just posted a minute ago. Hooyah!