All my stories begin with me shooting pool at Leroy’s. This one begins on Friday:

“What do you mean what’s my name?” I respond, irritated because I don’t like when people I don’t know come up and question me. “What’s your name?”


It takes a second for me to register. “Lionel Beauchamp??? From seventh grade???”

Seventh grade was 1982 but it all comes back in a flash. Mr. Gambill’s science class at Pattengill Junior High. We’re at the back of the class, Lionel’s on my right, a white girl name Terri Ereg is on my left. Lionel is baldheaded now but he had a jheri curl back then. He’s got activater in a bottle that he keeps sitting on the desk. Every five minutes he squirts some in his hair, trying to keep from rusting like The Tin Man.

We’re taking a test and Lionel copies from my paper which is cool because he asked, but out of the corner of my eye I see Terri is stuck on question #3 and she’s peeking at my paper.

3. What is an inclined plane? 

There is no way she should be stuck on this one. We just discussed this in class yesterday, an inclined plane is like a ramp. Evidently she just wasn’t paying attention. I decide to teach her a lesson. I write:

An inclined plane was a fighter/bomber plane used primarily in World War II. 

Mr. Gambill has never even mentioned World War II. It’s freaking science class! Amazingly Terri copies my answer. Then five minutes later when she’s not watching I erase that answer and write the right one.

I was hoping Mr. Gambill would ask her where she got that answer.

Yesterday I took my son to Pockets to shoot pool. Jordon is 14 but his game is getting pretty damn good. The scary thing is that he’s learning from me so the thing I was just getting good at after years of shooting pool, getting drawback on the cue ball: he’s doing that already. Took me ’til I was 30-something and he’s just making shots and getting drawback. The kid picks up quick.

Visually Jordon reminds me of my brother, the younger one who is in prison. Joshua is also black and Mexican and he’s taller than me. Jordon just passed me in height and he’s got that same crazy mixed guy ‘fro when he takes his braids out. So yesterday this adult walks by Jordon and gives him a crazy look for a second (Jordon didn’t see, his back was turned). For one brief moment I thought why is this mothafucka looking at my brother like that? Josh will whoop his ass. Then it came back to me: that’s not Josh, that’s Jordon.

This is my brother.

27 Responses to “Flashback”

  1. The "D" says:

    Mike do you ever go and visit? I don’t mena to get your business but it means alot when family gets down to visit. That is if it will not cause yo to get alot of $10 a minute collect calls from him. I had three friends in at the same time. Once I got that phone bill I had to cutoff all contact. Look I miss you but not enough to pay $400 for a phone bill. They would even try to get me to conference other guys familys on my line. F that!

  2. Mexigogue says:

    We used to visit but that got old. He’s been in since 1993 and at one point he told my mom something like “No offense but some time I can go extreme amounts of time without even thinking about you all on the outside, I’m just dealing with this here.”

    Either he said that or it’s something I saw in a movie, I forget.

  3. The "D" says:

    I would understand that. The world is in now is no joke. None of my friends were the same after they got out. They were already rough and prison just made them not give a shit about anything or anyone. They also met more friends to start more elaborate scams with.

  4. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Since when do inmates get their own web pages?

  5. R says:

    I know, dude. I don’t even have my own biographical web page here at work.

  6. Mexigogue says:

    Those pages aren’t set up for the benefit of the inmates. They’re set up so corrections workers don’t have to put up with a bunch of phone calls from people requesting information about inmates. Plus the system is there for people who get bored and want to find out whatever became of old classmates!

  7. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Can you do a search on names or just inmate id’s?

  8. Mexigogue says:

    However you want it:

    Offender Search

  9. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    I’ll search by tatoo….

  10. Mexigogue says:

    Awww. Remember that Demetrius dude who called to cuss me out for calling his girlfriend Zenobia (who I really needed so that I would have a “Z” to get that much closer to completing the alphabet)? I looked him up but he wasn’t there. I thought for sure I’d find him.

  11. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    That dude was the funniest….He was like “Who called my girlfriend”

    I was like: “She called here listen to the machine”
    Lucky for Mexi there were like 3 messages in a row from her

    He was like : “Oh”
    I then said “thanks man you are fucking up the pussy for my roomate and I” (Nice little lie to make him feel like a total ass)
    He then apologized and hung up……

  12. Mexigogue says:

    Yeah. I still need a Z.

    Maybe for tomorrow’s post I will list the letters I still need so chicks with names like Zoe and Velma can give me some so I can finish the alphabet. Would you believe I don’t have an F? You would think I would have gotten a Felicia by now!

  13. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    What about an “X”? I used to work with this chinese chick name Xinran…I htought about doing her just to get an X

  14. Mexigogue says:

    That always helps their self esteem when they find out too!

    Xinran: Are you going to call me back? Or did you just do it to me because you were horny?

    me: Nononononono!! It’s not that at all. I just needed an X!

  15. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Dude you gotta write it like a Chinese person would say it….

    Please use your post about the chinese driving guy as a refrence

  16. Mexigogue says:

    I started to write it like that but then I thought watch, the one time I stereotype watch it come back that I was wrong.

    Wait. What do I mean the one time???

  17. Phelps says:

    This one is my favorite search on the MI offenders database:


    I got like 500 hits from people who thought I was him when I posted a link on my page. Which says a lot about most of his fans. (Which I think I am one since I bought three albums. Fuck. I bought Aqua and Motorhead, too, in my defense.)

  18. Phelps says:

    Oh, and it used to have his picture, so I guess they took it down.

  19. Mexigogue says:

    Yes it seems they did.

    Loved your album by the way you rock WOOOOOOO!

  20. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    dude that Michigan find a felon thing is way better than classmates.com

  21. Phelps says:

    Classmates.com should provide links to the offender databases. “Look! Creepy Eddie turned out to be a child molestor! Who would have guessed?”

    “Uhhhh… everyone in school?”

  22. R says:

    Dude, yesterday I got a thing in my mailbox that informed me that a convicted sex offender was moving into the near vicinity of where I live. This is the second time I’ve gotten one of these.

    Good to know.

  23. Mexigogue says:

    My brother is in prison for hitting somebody with a baseball bat. He could move right next door to you and you wouldn’t get any notice at all. Seems kind of funny that you only get the sex offender info.

  24. R says:

    What…do you know something I don’t?

  25. Phelps says:

    Here’s the difference, Mexi — if you are in a war, and you hit someone with a baseball bat, they give you a medal. You never get a medal for feeling up a 13 year old girl. Not even in Canada.

  26. Mexigogue says:

    If it’s a boy do you get a Grammy?

  27. Phelps says:

    No, but if you pee on a 13 year old girl and videotape it, you get a felony.