No, Really. This is How They Drive

An Asian dude is being charged with attempted murder for ramming his vehicle into a car his daughter was riding in. First question: isn’t this the same guy who shot all those hunters? How did he get out so soon? And second, charging him with attempted murder for ramming the other car might be a stretch. I think that’s just how they drive.

The man was allegedly angry that his daughter was getting into the vehicle with a friend. I guess that’s where they get the intent from. I can see it now:

“Trihn Tran, you get back here!”

“No! I going now!”

“You getta back here!”

“Hey, why we no speak Vietnamese?? Why we just speaka broken Engrish?”

“FOR THE BROG!!”

“Oh, ok. Bye bye, I go now!”

“YOU GETTA BACK HERE!!!! I KILL YOU!!! DAT BECOME TREE FITTEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Ok, maybe it didn’t happen like that. And maybe that’s not the same guy who shot those hunters. But you can’t blame me for doing what I can with the material.

As an aside, when I was writing the HTML code to block the text, I almost wrote “brockquote”.

21 Responses to “No, Really. This is How They Drive”

  1. R says:

    Asian-speech stereotype is the funniest.

  2. rae says:

    My brother used to work at an Amoco gas station in Okemos- and apparently a lot of Asians came in to buy cigarettes. They would ask for “mawbowo whites prease” and even though my brother KNEW what they were asking for he’d say “what?” at least 3 times before giving them their smokes.

  3. Mexigogue says:

    Oh my god. . .. I think I just figured out why that Vietnamese guy shot all those other hunters:

    white hunters: Hey guy, what are you looking at?

    vietnamese hunter: wabbit twacks!

    white hunters: HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!!! AAAAAH HAHAHHAAHHAAHA!!

    BOOM! CA-CHUNK BOOM! CA-CHUNK BOOM!!!

  4. The "D" says:

    I had another Belly Laugh right in the office. Wabbit Twacks. Now that is a classic! The SOuth Park gag was th ebest. You have been on a roll lately.

  5. Phelps says:

    Hey, Brockquote sounds a lot like my government last name.

  6. Mexigogue says:

    I just went to the Libertarian Girl’s blog and criticized her for her racial presumptions on her blog. Then I came back here and was like oops I forgot I was just capping on Asians. But. . . it’s a scientific fact that they drive bad. There’s even a physics formula that proves it!

  7. Phelps says:

    Bah. You called me a racist when you first started arguing with me, too. It means you are losing. First, I turned you into a libertarian. Now, you are going to lose to her and turn into a girl.

  8. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    I always wondered what mexi would look like in a wig and lipstick….MMMMMM Mexigirl!!!

  9. Mexigogue says:

    Geez! Between THAT comment, TB saying LET’S FUCK! AND R talking about ambushing, I’m beginning to wonder what the hell is going on? Is this what it’s like to be in prison?????

  10. Phelps says:

    No, because apparently the big trend in Texas prisons at least, is to start telling everyone that you got raped. (Reporting up 160% over the last couple of years here.) I doubt that you would tell anyone if Guy started…

    Hell, what am I saying? You would make a “MexiRape” catagory so all the posts would be on one page.

  11. Mexigogue says:

    Man I’m listening to Mondays Russ Martin where he’s got the shrink on the line counseling him about sex addiction while he’s at the radio station making out with the stripper who came to audition for the Spittleville series. . . Holy cow!

  12. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    dude that librarian girl is one dumb ass!!!

  13. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Man these guys are just asking for some weird shit. Didn’t they see Poltergeist?

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4208771.stm

  14. R says:

    I’ve only mentioned “ambushing” once here. I don’t mention it a lot because if I do, it’ll jinx any chance I have of actually executing it on my girlfriend.

    And that, my friends, was today’s bit of TMI.

  15. Mexigogue says:

    Dude, you’re Mexican? I could have sworn that was a Pakistani kamis you were wearing in the picture on your blog!

  16. R says:

    Fuck yeah I’m Mexican. And that’s a J. Ferrar shirt!

    Goddammit, now I have to change my fucking picture.

  17. Mexigogue says:

    Don’t worry, I got mistaken for Pakistani when I went to the Islamic meat market. And urdu and Arabic has a lot of the same words as Spanish.

    azucar, zucar
    baca, baqara
    camisa, kamis

  18. R says:

    Aye. At university, we had a ton of Indian students. And everytime I’d go to the engineering building, a few would stare at me trying to figure out what hood I kicked it in.

    That shit never happened to me living in California.

  19. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    I din’t think there were any Mexicans in Alabama…That reminds me the last time I was in Hunstville it seemed every car had some ghetto fab rims and a $1500 sound system in it. Even if the car itself was only worth $500…My favorite was a mid-eightys grey Toyota van with faded paint and some chrome spinners bumping base all through out the neighborhood…Come to think of it I think I saw the same shit in Detroit…..

  20. MiAn says:

    >>Asian-speech stereotype is the funniest.

    Apparently so. A few years ago on the first Last Comic Standing, Dat Phan won while silmultaneously setting a record for telling the fewest actual jokes to win a comedy award. Dude swept out some seriously funny guys with impressions of Viet pick-up lines.

  21. Phelps says:

    Being part AmerInd helps, too. People see the flat face and almond eyes, and think that I am part:

    Indian
    Chinese
    Russian
    Jewish
    Mexican

    Add in the hairiness, and then I cover Scotch, Arab, Jewish (again), Persian, Indian-Indian, etc. About the only thing no one has ever picked me for is mullato.

    I guess overall, I’m closes to Mexican (since Mexican is Indian-Spanish, and I’m mostly Indian-English.)