Stupid Bowl

I know I’m getting old when the newspaper says the Philadelphia Eagles are going to the Superbowl for the first time in 24 years and I’m like “Nuh uh, they just played the Raiders a little while back and some kid brought the tape in and we watched it in Mrs. Springer’s class.”

It’s been that long since I’ve been in the 6th grade?

Maybe I don’t feel like it’s been that long since commenting with the people on this blog is like having rubber band fights. But time does fly and as evidence that we don’t always realize it I was singing “Oh Sheila” at Leroy’s for karaoke last night and these REALLY big chicks got up and started dancing to it. They must be from that era because they were really getting into it and they evidently knew how to dance but these sumo girls must not have known how they looked. Then it dawned on me: 20 years ago these chicks probably looked fine as HELL when they danced like this and I bet I would have gotten their phone numbers. What a jackass Father Time is.

But the point is since Pittsburgh decided it was more important to turn the ball over than to make it to the Superbowl, I just don’t care about football anymore. I’m going to spend the rest of the winter pontificating on who looks better, Serena Williams or Anna Kournikova. Because nobody wants to watch the stupid Patriots but watching womens tennis is almost like watching the chicks in the beer commercials.

As an aside, since womens tennis gets higher ratings than mens tennis the women players should get more money than the men. And that’s not feminism, that’s capitalism.

34 Responses to “Stupid Bowl”

  1. The "D" says:

    Serena Williams wins hands down. I watched her play the other day and she is wonderful. Except for that white scarf or something that was hanging in front of her uniform. It had to be one of her mothers inventions. She is a designer. That means her kids make enough money that now she is suppose to magically become talented in fashion. Just like beyounce Knowles mom. What type of crap is this.

  2. Mexigogue says:

    Serena was mentioned in People magazine as one of the worst dressed. Hell, I don’t care what they think, she could make a polyester Burger King uniform look good!

  3. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Women make less than the men because they play best two out of 3 and the men play 3 out of 5…..Capitalism does work you win 3 sets you get more than when you win 2 sets

  4. Mexigogue says:

    I don’t care if they play a hundred sets, it’s not the amount of sets that brings the $$$ in, it’s ratings. And more people would rather tune in to Kournikova and Williams than Macanroe and Conners.

    (I know those guys don’t play any more but I don’t know who does and that sort of proves my point)

  5. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    That just proves that you are a perv trying to look up the tennis girls skirts….

  6. Mexigogue says:

    Guilty!!!

    It’s also why I watch womens gymnstics!

  7. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    You put Ana Kournakova’s head on Serena’s body and bamn! check this out
    http://collegehumor.com/?image_id=104250

  8. R says:

    Holy crap! Put a warning on that shit! Some of us are at work.

  9. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    my bad R

  10. Phelps says:

    Wow. I feel good as an American. It is nice to know that, all across the country, from Detroit to Dallas to New York to San Fransisco, we are all united under one onmipresent conviction — we all hate the fucking Eagles. Battery throwing bastards.

  11. Mexigogue says:

    I might have to break down and watch American Idol one day:

    After a montage of glass-shattering singing, the show cut to a clip of Simon looking dejected. “I don’t like music anymore,” he said.

  12. The "D" says:

    Hey who wins Serena or Anna?

    I think off brains and ability Serena wins rackets down.

  13. Mexigogue says:

    Haha! I see I’ve piqued our curiosity with the matchup of all time tennis hoochie-wise. Other tough matchups:

    1. King Kong v Godzilla
    2. Batman v Superman
    3. Dracula v Frankenstein
    4. Roe v Wade
    5. Bruce Lee v The General Lee
    6. Ghengis Khan v Ghandi
    7. Qubilah Khan v Chaka Khan
    8. Monique v Rachael
    9. Aunt Jemimah v Mrs Butterworths
    10. Mary Kate v Ashley

  14. rae says:

    Fuck number 8 –I could take her.

  15. Mexigogue says:

    haha! I knew that would make you post!

  16. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Godzilla: Have you seen what this gut does to Tokyo?
    Superman: They don’t call him super for nothing
    Dracula: Frankenstein doesn’t have any powers
    Rowe vs Wade: Draw
    General Lee: Have you ever seen an Asian that can drive?
    Ghengis Khan: They didn’t use Ghandi’s DNA to make the ultimate Cobra comander because he is a pussy.
    Chaka Khan: It doesn’t get any better than when she sings “I’m every woman”
    Monique: She is banned at more drinking establishments than anybody I know
    Aunt Jemimah: Just cause I gotta pick a winner
    Ashley: Mary Kate is a anerxic coke head

  17. Mexigogue says:

    Monique had an across the street neighbor who got banned from a furniture store.

  18. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Mexi, I am begining to think you are the problem. The only people that I know, Monique and Tyrone who are banned from anything were banned when they hung out with you….That makes you the head vampire!!

  19. Phelps says:

    Jesus vs. Santa
    Noam Chompsky vs a Brick Wall
    George W. Bush vs. Frank J’s “In My World” GWB
    Mexi vs. Phelps
    Michael Moore vs. Fat Man
    John Kerry vs. Martin Sheen
    Alex Trebeck vs. Pat Sajak
    Donald Rumsfield vs. the Sampsonite Gorilla
    Samantha Carter vs. the New Starbuck
    Bob the Tomato vs. Spongebob Squarepants
    Teletubby vs. Teletubby
    Guy vs. the Fembots
    Charleton Heston vs. Moses
    Sparticus vs. Maximus
    Cliff Claven vs. Ken Jennings
    Oliver Stone vs. Lee Harvey Oswald
    Amy Lee vs. Shirley Manson
    Blondie vs. Pat Bennatar
    (Gotta stop thinking up girl fights — getting horny)
    Bill Gates vs. Steve Balmer
    Barbara Bush vs. George Washington
    Russel Johnson vs. Al Lewis
    Alice vs. Maude (Chainsaw Deathmatch)
    The Monkeys vs the Crickets
    Dick Trickle vs. ee cummings
    Samus vs. the Master Chief
    Ford Prefect vs. a Ford Prefect
    Ford Prefect vs. Mos Def
    Ice Cube vs. Mr Freeze
    Bill and Ted vs. Neil and the Sicilian

    That’s all I can come up with right now.

  20. Phelps says:

    Daaaaamn… I am the thread killa!

  21. Mexigogue says:

    MEXI V PHELPS???????? I JUST NOTICED THAT!!!!!

  22. Phelps says:

    Oh yeah. I’m calling you out, biatch. You and me, high noon, Chinese checkers.

  23. Mexigogue says:

    How about a crocheting contest? That way if I lose I’ll already have something sharp!

  24. Phelps says:

    Hey, I thought of some more:

    Ted Koppel vs. Howdy Doody
    Kevin Smith vs. Robert Smith
    Dennis Leary vs. Throat cancer
    Drew Carey vs. Drew Barrymore
    Captain America vs. Captain Lou Albano
    Batman vs. the Weekly World News Batboy
    Russ Martin vs. Adam West
    Biggie vs. Tupac
    The White Iron Man vs. the Black Iron Man

  25. Mexigogue says:

    These deserve to be made into a psychological profile test like the MBTI. We can assign values for each answer you would pick for the winner and it would cast you in one of 16 quardants to find your personality type.

    Eric Cartman v Stewie!!!

  26. Phelps says:

    Cotton Hill vs. Donald Rumsfield
    Wesley Snipes vs. Will Smith
    Cuba Gooding Jr. vs. Wayne Brady (THAT would be a hell of a fight.)
    Band of Brothers vs. Saving Private Ryan
    Care Bears vs. My Little Pony
    Rocky II vs Rocky IV
    Alex from A Clockwork Orange vs. Tyler from Fight Club
    Ed Asner vs. Charlton Heston
    Magnum PI vs. Rockford

  27. Mexigogue says:

    Bryant Gumbell v Greg Gumbell
    the Gumbell Brothers v Gumby
    the gay Japanese guy in Return of the Dragon v the gay black guy in Low Down Dirty Shame
    Gary Coleman v Tatoo
    Rosie O’donnel v Dr. Atkins
    Captain Kirk v Captain Kangaroo
    Kenny v Milhouse

  28. Phelps says:

    Musashi Miyamoto vs. Beatrice Kido

    Hell, Sanjuro vs. The Bride would be good enough.

  29. Phelps says:

    Damn, that last one actually got me serious. Here’s some more:

    Sir Frances Drake vs. Lord Nelson
    Napoleon vs. Lee
    The Rough Riders vs. Ghengis Khan’s Mongols
    Julius Caesar vs. Saladin

  30. Mexigogue says:

    Grimace v Barney
    Don King v Al Sharpton
    Oats v Sonny Bono
    Darryl Hall v Johnny Bravo
    Joan of Arc v Joan Rivers
    Winnie the Poo v Grizzly Adams
    Mr. Whipple v Arnold Shwarzenegar

  31. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    We ought to set it up in the same format as the NCAA bracket and have people vote and we can determin e the winner…

  32. Mexigogue says:

    Florida v Weezie
    Pancho Villa v Bob Vila
    Bob Dylan v a hairbrush
    Kevin McHale v Frankenstein

  33. Phelps says:

    Hell yeah, Florida vs. Weezie. And Edith Bunker vs. Gracie Allen.

    KITT vs. Blue Thunder
    Matt Damon vs. a bowl of mashed potatoes
    The Wired Science kids vs. the Revenge of the Nerds kids

  34. Phelps says:

    Morris Day and the Time vs. George Clinton and the Funkadelics
    George Clinton vs. Bill Clinton
    Milli Vanili vs. Ashlee Simpson
    Pam Anderson vs. the SAT test
    O.J. Simpson vs. Jessica Simpson
    Dr. J vs Dr. Dre
    Ice-T vs. New Coke
    Stone Temple Pilots vs. the Blue Angels
    Predator vs. a Predator drone with Hellfire missiles
    Arnold vs. Hey Arnold
    Stewie Griffin vs. Hey Arnold
    Peter Griffen vs. Peter Arnette
    Tricia Takanawa vs. Connie Chung