Bad Medicine!

This cold and flu medication I’m taking has a caveat on the label:

Alcohol Warning:If you consume 3 or more alcoholic drinks a day, ask your doctor if you should take acitominophen or other pain relievers/fever reducers. Acitominophen may cause liver damage.

Why doesn’t it say:

If you consume 3 or more alcoholic drinks a day, take the medicine and stop drinking every day you dumbass!

So I took the medicine and then bundled up and went to Leroy’s.

There was this chick there who I liked but she shot me down a while back. The part I don’t get is any of it and I’ve always been like this. I can discuss politics, religion, and economics with a good basic understanding of the way things work but when it comes to social interaction I’m in the “special needs” category.

The story is this: I like girl, make out with the girl in my driveway, but I can’t get her to come in. She says she wants to but she can’t because because we’re friends. She says if we get together it shouldn’t be after a night of drinking because that would be wrong. I get her phone number and call her a couple days after that. I say I’m just calling to say hey. Right off the bat she jumps in and says just to clarify that because we’re friends she will never never never (I lost track of the nevers but you can figure out where this went). She says she can’t because she doesn’t want to ruin our friendship.

That never made any sense to me. I’ve had plenty of friends and I’m pretty sure we don’t make out in my driveway. I could deal with it better if she said “No Mike, I don’t think about you like that. I like you because you’re funny. Not funny in a handsome guy kind of way, but funny in a Tatoo from Fantasy Island kind of way. Now unless you have a plane to draw my attention to, you need to get the **** away from me! No spear fishing for you here!”

See, that’s rational and I would totally get that. But at any rate, I get the picture. It ain’t gonna happen.

So last night she sits at my table and I say hey. I’m watching the action at the pool table (cuz I have $10 riding on Quincy which I eventually win) and I can see this chick looking at me out of the corner of my eye. Every once in a while she tries to strike up conversation and I give her a quick and polite response and keep watching the game. She keeps saying stuff and I keep watching the game but noticing her studying me from my peripheral.

Why does she keep talking me me???? The possibilities I came up were are:

a) Mike sucks and I want to see if this loser is mad at me for shooting him down, hahaha!

b) Normally Mike is funny and entertaining but today he’s quiet, what’s wrong?

c) I thought Mike was my friend

I’m thinking the answer is c. To that I respond, I NEVER WAS YOUR FRIEND!! Friends are people you would do things FOR! You’re someone I would do things TO!!! Every freaking thing I ever said to you, every joke, every comment, every witticism was ME hitting on YOU!!! Now that I’m shot down I can accept that but THE ENTERTAINMENT MONKEY does NOT CLAP THE CYMBALS FOR CASUAL ACQUAINTANCES. I’M NOT BUYING TICKETS FOR AMUSEMENT WATCHACAWLS I CAN’T RIDE!!!!!!!

That and I’ve got more friends than I can shake a stick at nowadays. I’m shaking a stick at all of you right now!

7 Responses to “Bad Medicine!”

  1. Cosmic Siren says:

    when it comes to social interaction I’m in the “special needs” category.

    Me too.

  2. mexigogue says:

    That Monique chick I used to hang out with. . . sometimes I’d do something that I considered morally neutral and she’d come back to me and say “Wow Mike, that was cool as SHIT that you did that! You had my back man, I appreciate it, you’re the DOG!” And I’d go huh? I didn’t do anything great, what is she talking about?

    Then another time I’d do something again that I considered morally neutral and she’d be PISSED like “Mike that was FUCKED UP, you KNEW what you were doing when you did that to me, how could you stab me in the back like that, I thought I knew you but I guess I was wrong!”

    Again I’d be like huh? I didn’t do anything wrong!

    I think she looked at everything as a loyalty issue, whereas in my ethical world personal loyalties don’t trump truth.

  3. Cosmic Siren says:

    You’re probably right.

    My mom was talking about one of my dad’s friends who I always thought was a decent guy, but apparently he likes ordering special orders and then making a big fit over something minor so he either gets the food free or half-price. We’re talking like a toddler screaming hissy-fit. My mom was a little disturbed because last time the guy’s wife tried to get her to complain too, and she wouldn’t.

    I told Mom that she could always say next time, “Gee, I hope they get your order right this time. It’s so upsetting when you have to talk to them.”

    Personally, I’ve done something similar and the bahavior often stops because the person thinks, “Man, I don’t want to lose my friends over a afree meal.” But Dad was like, you don’t do that sort of stuff if you want to keep friends and he accepts his friend the way he is.


    First off, whenever we kids have friends like that, his comment is, “You don’t need friends like that.” But having a friend like that and letting them know what your values are versus having a friend like that and pretending it’s okay – the first is much safer. I have lots of friends who do stuff I wouldn’t do according to my conscience and they know that. But if I don’t let them know, then they think I’m down with it and next thing I know, they’re trying to get me to do it too. Then they get all psycho on you.

    Let them know. If you’re accepting them for what they are, they need to accept you for what you are.

    Second, who the heck wants friends who are deliberately embarrassing in public? I have always made it clear to my friends that if you want to act like a toddler, you can do it somewhere else, because I deal with enough children and I don’t need it from the people I hang with.

    My dad is such a social wuss. But I don’t give a damn if you’re a “friend” – my morals are my morals and I’m not changing them just to make you all warm and fuzzy.

    And you know what, I have friends who do what they want and believe and we don’t have a problem with each other. It’s a weird thing called personal honesty that we share…

  4. mexigogue says:

    Yes Cos, that reminds me. . . I had a friend who used to lie ALL THE TIME. He would lie to women all the time but he lied to everyone else too which often caught me off guard because I had a hard time trying to keep track of the veracity of the stuff he told me.

    One day we were hanging out at the Michigan State University Campus where he always presented himself as a student (he wasn’t and neither was I but I would remain silent when he misrepresented himself). We met these chicks and before I could think of something to say Tyrone presented himself as an MSU football player. I was like uh oh.

    “You play for MSU?” one of the girls beamed.


    “And what about you?” the girl asked me.

    Before I had a chance to say no Tyrone was like “He’s the kicker!”

    I said “I am not the kicker!”

  5. Phelps says:

    You are too the kicker. You’re the asshole that missed that 23 yarder last week.

  6. Phelps says:

    Oh, and you were stuck on the ladder with her. You remember the ladder, right? Just make it clear — I’m not going to be your intelectual bitch. We are not going to be friends — we can be lovers or nothing.

  7. mexigogue says:

    I called her today and read this blog entry to her. I communicate better with the written word.