Please Take My Money as I’m Too Stupid to Have It

We were all at the spot shooting pool. Everyone was there: Dave, Ken, Lauri, Old Cheating Joe, and Rever. I was kicking back waiting for my turn at the table when I saw a fish. This wiseass Mexican dude who had come in one day and tried to hustle Shawn Allison. Now for those who don’t know, hustling Shawn Allison is about as good an idea as tapping Bernard Hopkins on the shoulder and saying “Let’s step outside.” This guy had thrown a hundred dollar bill on the table and among the three of us hanging out at Leroy’s that day we didn’t have enough money for a hamburger. I raced around the bar but could find no investors so this guy had gotten off scott free. But what is it the Jews say? Never again!

I walked up to the guy last night and said “Hey, what’s up? You not playin’ pool?” As if following my script he was like “Hell yeah, I’ll be right there!” I smiled and went to sit back down. This guy comes over to the table as my mind is working on how I can lure him into a bet. I couldn’t really think straight because he was making too much money shouting something and waving a hundred dollar bill in the air. “You don’t wanna play for hundred? You don’t wanna bet?” he asked someone. Whoever it was just shook their head no (was it Ghandi, my memory is fuzzy).

This guy was drawing some attention waving the hundred and Rever was standing there chalking his stick and watching quietly. I grabbed Ken and was like “This guy is about as good as me, take the bet!” Ken says “I’ll put a hundred on Rever.” To my amazement, the guy jumps at the bait so then we all sit back and watch Rever reel him in.

Rever makes some good shots but then leaves himself bad on a shot and the guy gets a shot at the table. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut as realize it’s out of Rever’s hands now. The other guy makes a shot, does a little dance, makes another shot, dances again (how annoying). Then he misses. Rever takes the game apart like a mortician. The guy pays up and says play again, same bet.

The fish asks me if I have quarters for the pool table. I produce them with a quickness. Rever takes him apart again and Ken slides me a $20 finders fee. The dude has some homies that are watching and they’re kind of shaking their heads. To my amazement I think they play a third game and maybe a fourth. The guy played til he head no money which didn’t take long because he didn’t win a game.

Nicole the waitress brings me a long island iced tea that was made by mistake. I don’t remember much after that. But what a day. It was a veritable fish fry!

Now tonight my team plays against the Monster Leroy’s Team, last year’s BCA Champions. That’s the team Ken, Willie Peters, and Ramiro are on. I’m glad there’s no money on this. If the numbers match up right I might even play Ken!

69 Responses to “Please Take My Money as I’m Too Stupid to Have It”

  1. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    “Fish” man that sounds like prison talk to me

  2. Mexigogue says:

    Should I have said sucka?

  3. Phelps says:

    Sucka? How about jive ass turkey?

    I always thought they were marks or chumps.

  4. Mexigogue says:

    I couldn’t be bothered with correct hustler terminology. I was too busy trying to convince this woman that I was a pastor.

  5. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    You could of called him a Pigeon…

  6. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    You had to see this guy! He had on a gold 5k watch and just running his mouth like he was the badest MF that ever walked the earth. I will always keep an extra $100 in my pool bag from now on.I could have taken the guy for $350. Damn! The story of my life.

  7. Mexigogue says:

    He reminded me of me except he was annoying.

  8. rae says:

    And he had money.

  9. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    That’s not right Rae!!

  10. Mexigogue says:

    I have a wooden stake to drive thru your heart Rae. When are you coming back to visit?

  11. Mexigogue says:

    Is your phone number still 666?

  12. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Damn,
    You guys didn’t have to take his $ like that. You should have counseled him and helped that man with his ignorance and gambling addiction

  13. rae says:

    I’ll be in town Dec. 10-13th hehehehehehe And “D” -where were you the other day when Aidan was calling me fat? I needed u to clarify things for him. 😉

  14. Mexigogue says:

    No, you’re not fat. In fact you have a very nice figure. But remember those “before” pictures you showed me? hehhehee!! I always wondered why you showed me those. Hey, you should post them!

    And don’t take this the wrong way and start a huge argument with me. Because I have your picture and if you go off on me again you will become a moving .gif file so fast it will make your head swim!

    Love, peace, and hairgrease!

  15. rae says:

    Mexi- I was “chunky” way back in the day (about 5 years ago when I first got married) but I was never fat!! Those pics I showed you were of my chunky days (165lbs) or my anorexic days 95lbs? That picture you have of me is probably the worst pic of me I have EVER seen in my life- let me send you a good pic of me and you can either make it a moving gif file or tell me how to post it on my stupid blog.

  16. Mexigogue says:

    send it! I like pics!

  17. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    Hey Aidan is beyond any type of help from the blog. I was on vacation or else I would have stomped a mud hole in his ass. You are not hardly fat.

  18. rae says:

    Okay but promise you’ll be nice!!

  19. rae says:

    LOL D- where did you go- do you have any pics?

  20. Mexigogue says:

    I’m nice. I even have a halo!

  21. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    I just stayed around town and fixed up my new place. My son was out of town so I just kicked back and played the best video game in history “HALO” for Xbox.

  22. rae says:

    Don’t you mean Halo 2? Do you have the collector’s edition?? Or are you on Xbox live??

  23. Mexigogue says:

    On an unrelated note, when you’re trying to get a chick to go home with you, never use this line:

    “I want to Mike, but we’re friends”

    “What, we can still be friends. In fact, we’re SuperFriends. You’re like Wonderwoman and I’m Aquaman. . . . . And you know Aquaman. . . he goes down under. . . . and he comes up smelling like fish!”

    That line does not work.

  24. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    LOL! Mike you are sick in the head!

    That’s right Rae Halo 2. I did not get the collector’s edition because I did not want to see the making of the thing. I have a T1 line and have been unable to hook up Xbox Live. I have 2 free months too!!!! I need help!

  25. rae says:

    That sucks dude- I hope you can get it hooked up. I have to play with inverted controls-which seems hard to do on this version but was easy on the last one. Weird huh? I laughed my butt off when a I listened to all the outakes of lines they didn’t use. Is it me or do the characters talk alot more shit in this version??

  26. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    I am getting blocked

  27. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    I need to get xbox live hooked up today. Who is a guru! We will have some fun if you are on Xbox live.

  28. rae says:

    I WISH I was a GURU so I could explain it and kick your ass in Halo 2!! LMAO Actually I just moved so mine isn’t hooked up either.

  29. Mexigogue says:

    I don’t even know what a halo is.

  30. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Halo: That thing over Jesus’ head

  31. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    It’s on Rae!! We have to wager something too! I mean something good too! BBOOOOOOOHHHHHAAAAAAA!

    Mike you would love this game. It is another 1st shooter game by Microsoft that may be the best game ever made.

  32. Mexigogue says:

    Not now. I’m busy making a moving .gif file of Rachael! It’s nice though!

  33. rae says:

    Oh great- I am so gonna regret giving Mikey those pics!!

    D- as soon as I get my x-box live hooked back up i am soooooooooooooo gonna challenge you. And you better not Camp or I’ll be super pissed!! Start practicing foolio!!

  34. Mexigogue says:

    No Rae, it’s cool really. NOthing degrading. Almost done.

  35. rae says:

    Okay- I’m waiting…but not long-going home in 30 mins.

    Hey Mikey- did you ever participate in Posadas as a kid?? Just curious- I miss that about Ohio. We used to do them every year there cause the town was like 40% hispanic.

  36. Mexigogue says:

    Hey Mikey- did you ever participate in Posadas as a kid??

    Is that like Ponderosa? I’ve been there.

  37. rae says:

    LMFAO yeah- I do have a big mouth huh?

  38. rae says:

    Posada is a Mexican Tradition at X-mas but I guess since you’re not Catholic you didn’t do it.

  39. Mexigogue says:

    Hey Rachael. I’m a pastor. And you have to let me do it to you. Or you’re gonna be possessed.

  40. rae says:

    Sorry Pastor- too late- I’m already possessed.

  41. Phelps says:

    Bah. You people with your HALO. I played HALO on my Mac — it was a good FPS, but not revolutionary (like it was at the 99 Macworld Expo where it was demoed for the first time). Now San Andreas — THAT is the best video game of all time. Even the reviews back me up on that one. HALO 2 has to be one HELL of a big jump over HALO to be better than San Andreas.

    “I’m a well dressed maniac, fool!” That’s my favorite CJ line. You have to be wearing something expensive before he says that, though. Or when he jacks someone on a motorcycle and goes, “ooh, you just fell off.” I found out this weekend that at the Los Venturas Airport (looks just like McCarran, too. Everything in Las Venturas looks like Las Vegas) there is a hanger where you can find an A-400 jetliner. Oooooh yeah. Nothing like jacking an America West flight. I kept missing it because I never stood in front of it long enough to see the hanger open.

  42. Phelps says:

    I think I had Posadas once, but some Blue Star cleared it right up.

  43. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    I didn’t know Rae was canadian

  44. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Phelps you are just wrong!!!

  45. Mexigogue says:

    oh. .. . my . . . . . god.

    She’s gonna kill me tomorrow.

    but when they bury me I can take solace in the fact that I didn’t do that one. God that’s funny for so many reasons!

  46. rae says:

    Phelpsie- Nice work!! I like how my tits grow as I eat more.

    Mexi- now I know you OR SOMEONE has a pic of Phelpsie they want to send me. 🙂

  47. A Martin says:

    this is in response to a few blog entry’s that seem to have disappeared into the archives. Aidan

    Phelps wrote:

    >> By the way, what is it about my posts that is so much more offensive than rae’s
    >> posts? Are you not in agreement with rae that making nasty jokes about a person’s
    >> unchangeable or difficult to change attributes, or situations or beliefs that stem from
    >> those attributes, is just about the most amusing thing one can do??

    >Your posts are so much more offensive because
    >they come across as being so much more malicious.

    That is absurd.

    Rae’s posts re: homosexuality have the purpose of demeaning, degrading me, making it clear that I am worthless as a human being for the sole reason that I am gay. How else can you explain ‘jokes’ about the good old days when you could kill a ‘fag’ and get away with it?

    MY ?malicious? posts were to make a point, i.e., it isn’t very pleasant when people make nasty jokes about personal attributes like gender, weight, etc.

    The fact that you don’t see the parallel between rae?s disgustingly homophobic comments, and my supposedly ?malicious? comments is probably due to your own heterosexist and homophobic biases. People making deeply offensive ‘jokes’ portraying gays as worthless, mentally ill, etc. are just “par for the course” with someone like you, I’d guess. But God forbid if a worthless fag like me should serve the same prejudicial crap back up at you.

    >Man those were the days when a guy could kill a fag with no repercussions or media
    >attention

    Mexi dog-piled:

    >And even malicious would not be entirely bad if
    >it helped your argument. Am I giving advice on
    >how to keep a relationship? If so by all means
    >then my divorces would be a valid point. If Rae
    >giving weight loss tips? If so then how fat she .
    >is or isn’t would mean something. But when these
    >are being brought up simply to attack the person,
    >that’s just like being around a toddler who
    >bites. At that point there’s nothing left to do
    >to that toddler but put it.

    What purpose does a joke about “killing fags” serve, Mexi?

    What purpose do repeated comments suggesting that I am disgusting, depraved, mentally ill — by virtue of the fact that I am homosexual — have?

    What purpose do repeated ‘jokes’ about ‘gay lisps’ (which I find highly offensive, by the way) serve?

    Those comments go beyond “attacking the person” — they are a way of saying I am worthless as a human being because I am gay. Thanks for that.

    I think it just amazing that people like you and Rae are prepared to dish it out, but you cry like babies when I serve the same back at you.

    No doubt you are so deeply, deeply homophobic you are unable to see your own hypocrisy. Even if you did, your deep dishonestly would prevent you from ever acknowledging your own hypocrisy.

    >But when these are being brought up simply to
    >attack the person,

    Oh, you mean like really nasty comments about fags being killed for sport, that kind of thing?

    Mexi wrote:

    > I ain’t no punk, I’ll fight a woman!

    That?s gender equality for you.

    Aidan

  48. Aidan says:

    >Hey Aidan is beyond any type of help from the
    >blog. I was on vacation or else I would have
    >stomped a mud hole in his ass. You are not hardly
    >fat.

    now that’s chivalry. see how it’s done, Mexi?

  49. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    Phelps San Andreas is a trip but nowhere near the fun of Halo 2. Please rent it and play a little. The graphics and storyline are both better this time. The secret items around ever map are pretty cool too. This time all the hype surrounding Halo 2 is really legitimate unlike it’s predecessor Halo. Plus the little buggers have choice words for you if you try to camp or run away from them all the time. It makes you curse the game I swear.

  50. rae says:

    Oh Jesus Fucking Christ Aidan- IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT WE SAY ABOUT YOU THEN FUCK OFF-WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE- WHO THE FUCK INVITED YOU?

    And for the record- I think Aidan is just bitter cause I could score more chicks and dudes than he ever could. 😉

  51. Mexigogue says:

    What purpose does a joke about “killing fags” serve, Mexi?

    I didn’t make that comment. I don’t think we should go around killing gay people. Who would style our hair and design our interiors? The only thing even remotely homophobic I ever said was when you brought up the fact that men who have sex with men in Iran are put to death and I said that was pretty stupid to do something that you know is punishable by death. And then I compared it to someone who is told that you can get all the coke you want out of the machine you want but if you get a sprite you will be executed. And then you look around to make sure no one is watching and you push the sprite button. A sprite pops out and then you get mad when they haul you off to the chopping block. THAT was funny!

    What purpose do repeated comments suggesting that I am disgusting, depraved, mentally ill — by virtue of the fact that I am homosexual — have?

    That was Rae. I don’t think you’re mentally ill. I just think that it’s kind of annoying that you only have one topic.

    What purpose do repeated ‘jokes’ about ‘gay lisps’ (which I find highly offensive, by the way) serve?

    Would it be fair to say your position on this is that it’s not thuper?

    Those comments go beyond “attacking the person” — they are a way of saying I am worthless as a human being because I am gay. Thanks for that.

    I hate to burst your bubble but that fact that you self identify as gay means almost nothing to me. The fact that I oppose your issues does not mean I hate you.

    I think it just amazing that people like you and Rae are prepared to dish it out, but you cry like babies when I serve the same back at you.

    I take issue with this. Everybody knows I don’t cry like a baby. I cry like a tough guy. Or scream like a woman. But not cry like a baby.

  52. Phelps says:

    This is the sound of Phelps becoming bored with Aidan:

    plonk.

  53. Aidan says:

    I’m a douchebag! I don’t know how to take a hint. I’m going to keep flinging feces like a monkey. God, Mexi is SOOOOOO hot I just want to eat him up!

  54. Aidan says:

    I fart in the bathtub and eat the bubbles. I make cute little figurines with my earwax. I think Vegemite is yummy.

  55. rae says:

    Lol, I invited myself, asshole. THEN UNIVITE YOURSELF ASSHOLE

    BTW it’s not what ‘we’ say about Aidan that’s the problem, it’s what you, rae, say about gay people. SO FUCKING WHAT? Frankly, I haven’t encountered such bigotry on-line in a long time. AND I CARE BECAUSE? (& it’s so pathetic that you can’t even use your own name THAT IS MY NAME ASSHOLE- MY REAL NAME IS RACHAEL BUT HAVE BEEN CALLED RAE SINCE BIRTH SO FUCK OFF to post that shit. Cowardly much?HARDLY ) What a shame you’re not able to express your dislike of me as one individual, without making noxious slurs about gay people in general. I’VE SAID BEFORE THAT I HAVE GAY FRIENDS BUT THEY DON’T PRANCE AROUND SHOVING IN EVERYONE’S FACE AND MAKING IT AN ISSUE WITH ME- YOU ARE THE ONLY FAG I’VE MET WHERE EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH (OR ASS IF YOU WILL) IS:
    “I’M A QUEER, I’M SPECIAL, LOOK AT ME, WHAT DO YOU MEAN I SHOULD SHUT UP-IS THAT A GAY JOKE? ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT CAUSE I’M GAY I SHOULD SHUT UP? WHY DO U PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF ME?? WAAAAAA”
    IN CASE YOU DIDN’T NOTICE DICKBREATH WE ALL MAKE FUN OF EACH OTHER SO TAKE THE STICK (OR DICK) OUT OF YOUR ASS AND LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP. I DON’T LIKE YOU AIDAN AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU BEING GAY, BUT IF YOU WANT TO MAKE EVERY FUCKING POST ABOUT HOW YOU ARE GAY THEN DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT I WILL MAKE FUN OF YOU OR GET THE FUCK OFF THE BLOG BITCH!!

    It’s somewhat interesting to me that you so desperately resent my presence here. I DON’T RESENT YOUR PRESENCE I JUST WISH THAT YOU HAD MORE TO CONTRIBUTE THEN THE FACT THAT YOU ARE GAY The intensity of your response flags the presence of something beyond mere dislike or irritation, YEAH IT’S CALLED BEING ANNOYED BY A LOOSER I’d guess you are deeply insecure about some aspect of yourself HARDLY(probably related to sex or sexuality,I’M VERY SECURE IN MY HETEROSEXUALITY or body image,I LOVE MY BODY EXPECIALLY MY TITS!! sexual confidence, I EMMINATE CONFIDENCE men,I HAVE A WONDERFUL ONE THANK YOU something like that). (I’d guess you are a dud fvck, too, given how uptight about sex you are.)UPTIGHT ABOUT SEX? LMFAO I LOVE SEX!!

    There’s no bitterness, just disappointment that people like you still exist. GLAD FEELINGS ARE MUTUAL THEN!!

  56. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Adian nobody cares about you. Nobody here is hiding behind any alias or anything except for maybe thuperman and escalarto, but they are superheros/villians and nobody is supposed to know their real names. I’ll bet you could figure them out if you really tried. For you here is everybody’s real name… Mexi=Mike Ghandi= Dave, Rae= Rachael, Phelps=John, Guy in the UNLV jacket = guy in the UNLV jacket, No B.S. that is what my mother named me!!

  57. AM says:

    Mexi, why is Phelps deleting my posts from ‘your’ blog? Did he ask you permission to do that? If so, then why are you allowing it? What gives?

    You know what? I’m going to leave this one. I don’t have to ask for permission. Everything with “donotremove.net” on it is mine. He is “allowing” it because he can’t forbid it.

    That doesn’t mean that I am a dictator. I value his opinion highly, and I am generally hands-off with his blog. However, you are no longer welcome on the entire donotremove.net domain. Go away. You have pissed away all goodwill you had here.

    You need to learn about respect. Respect is not earned; it is given. Disrepect is earned, and you have earned plenty. My general rule of thumb for moderating online is this: If I would throw you out of my house for saying it in person, I’m throwing you out online. You can consider yourself to have been thrown out on the curb, and to have taken a couple of good kicks on the way.

    -P

  58. AM says:

    I poop my pants when I see a dog on the side of the road. I’m a goober. I suffer from priapism and no one can tell.

  59. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Never said I don’t want babies!!!

  60. Phelps says:

    Hey, Guy, my name is Michael. If that confuses you, go watch Fight Club again. (No, not really. I would believe it but I’m not sure which one of us is Tyler.)

    (I mean, my name really is Michael, but we aren’t the same Michaels. I think. I mean, hope.)

  61. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Which one of you fucks like you would like to fuck? and dresses like you want to dress?

  62. rae says:

    BTW Phelpsie- you are my hero for blocking Aidan!! I was so gonna seek revenge for the anime you did of me with a pic of you that I got ahold of, but I have decided to be NICE for now because of you dumping that skank!! But be advised that I do have the pic!! MWAHHAHAHAHA

    Question- even though he’s blocked can he still read the posts and comments? Just curious.

  63. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    I think Rae amy have a little Tyler Durden in her!

  64. Ghandi from the "D" says:

    Everyone give Rae and UNLV and big standing ovation for their put down of the Australian that is trying to find himself. every point was very good also!

  65. rae says:

    This is fucking rediculous- give me a break- what the fuck is your problem.

  66. Mexigogue says:

    For you here is everybody’s real name… Mexi=Mike Ghandi= Dave, Rae= Rachael, Phelps=John, Guy in the UNLV jacket = guy in the UNLV jacket, No B.S. that is what my mother named me!!

    Mom: What a beautiful baby! What shall we name him?
    Dad: I was thinking. .. . How about ‘Guy in the UNLV Jacket?’
    Mom: PERFECT!
    Dad: Should we actually buy him a UNLV jacket?
    Mom: Hey, let’s not get hasty!