Subway Guy

Last week it was sweltering. It was 94 degrees outside with the humidity at one percent below “swimming pool” and I needed to have lunch. I went to Subway and the line was to the door. Nobody else wanted to cook either. When I got inside I noticed that with the bread baking it was probably 104 inside. The lady in front of me was making idle chat and mentioned how much hotter it was inside.

“Yeah, I’ve already called my boss twice to complain about it but he hasn’t done nothing” the Subway guy says. “Do ya think he could fix the AC in here? He doesn’t care!”

Yeah, he doesn’t care and neither do I monkeyboy, just keep making sandwiches. I’m thinking this, not saying it because I don’t need no boogers in my food.

The guy’s face is all red. His brow is beaded with sweat and his expression shows suffering with uncomprehending eyes too stupid to understand the reason for his pain. “He needs to get something done about this, it’s too hot and he needs to get somebody in here and fix this” he continues. “He better get this done. I have rights!”

Yeah, you have the right to remain silent, now shut up and make my sandwich!

In truth I don’t want them to fix the AC. Because the cost of that will probably drive up the price of my sandwich by a dime and I’m not havin’ it. I’m able to stand the heat for the five minutes I’m gonna be in line. Thanks anyway.

The guy actually does have rights though. He has the right to continue to work or not. He’s a sandwich artist. Anybody can do that job. He’s probably not making six digits. He should go across the street to the air conditioned Burger King and exercise his right to work there.

But not before making my sandwich. And I want it toasted.

17 Responses to “Subway Guy”

  1. Cosmic Siren says:

    Well, if the employee turnover is fast enough, the price of your sandwich still goes up. Possibly even more than to fix teh AC, because when you have management that bad, there are other problems too.

    Actually, most shops like that are leased from a building management place. They need to fix the freakin’ air conditioner, because it’s their responsibility.

    Oh, and BTW, OSHA can shut the sandwich place down for unsafe working conditions. And then the other sandwich places can make you pay more because some of the competition just got owned.

  2. Cosmic Siren says:


    You’re better off if they do fix the AC, because maintenance like that should be in their building lease contract and will not drive up your sandwich cost. Whereas disgruntled employees with stress and health problems from bad work conditions will.

  3. Mexigogue says:

    Screw OSHA! They make me we wanna grease ladders just because!

    But you’re right about high employee turnover having a negative effect. That’s why I didn’t point at the guy and go “haha”. If he quit I don’t get a sandwich. And that’s the important thing.

  4. Cosmic Siren says:

    Yeah, and if he snaps from the excess heat, the next time he comes back to work, he may be packing heat of his own.

  5. Mexigogue says:

    I’m not getting gunned down by a sandwich artist. Even if he were to shoot at me the bullet would not get me because God would not allow it to happen. It’s too absurd.

  6. R says:

    Man, if Subway employees are sandwich artists, they must be the Jackson Pollocks of the sandwich art world cuz that shit really ain’t all that impressive.

  7. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Speaking of Subway guys, I was in Chicago a few summers ago and there was this subway guy who wouldn’t microwave my friend’s sandwich so they got into a shouting match and the guy came out in front of the counter and threatened us with those little knives they used to use. We laughed and my boy Shed spit on him. Good times with Shed. BTW Mexi I wouldn’t want some sandwhich made buy sweaty nasty clown. You just know some of that sweat dripped onto your sandwhich

  8. Mexigogue says:

    Wow. Subway guys reall do snap! Spitting on him was the right thing to do. That’s what I did to the manager at the Nuthouse when they kicked me out.

  9. Phelps says:

    I remember when I was doing rigging while I was in AV, I asked one of the master riggers, “Hey, is this shit OSHA compliant?” while we were hoisting a 900 pound or so lighting truss up by a bunch of us using ropes thrown over the building struts because the client was too cheap to rent a truss winch (and would rather pay for four techs instead) and he said, “yeah, if one of those OSHA fuckers comes by, I pull this knot right here and drop it on his fucking head.” Then he climbed on top of it 25 feet up in the air while we held it to tie it in place.

    AV techs rule; riggers doubly so. Like this guy.

  10. Mexigogue says:

    That sounds like some Howard Roark stuff. Like when he took that welding torch and did that one guy’s job in a better way.

  11. HMT says:

    fuck subway.


  12. Mexigogue says:

    Haha! I had Mexican food for lunch. Buffet style, cheese enchiladas, rice, beans, and yes tacos!

  13. chic says:

    Hey was that subway the one on Lake Lansing?

  14. Mexigogue says:

    No, this is on Cedar Street in Holt (near Holiday Inn South)

  15. Citizen Quasar says:

    C’mon Mexigogue. Even Gitmo has A/C.

  16. Mexigogue says:

    I like seeing the employees suffer. That’s part of the bang for my buck I’m getting.

  17. Phelps says:

    As pointed out by The Bloodhound Gang, the lap dance is always better when the stripper is crying.