Cheri

September 1986:
I am 16 years old and living in exile on the outer reaches of civilization, San Angelo Texas to be exact. For those of you who have not been to West Texas, think Hee Haw, only with wild cactus, mesquite trees, and actual tumbleweed blowing across the terrain. I escaped to Lansing for the summer but as school is back in session I’m stuck back in the land of giant belt buckles and cowboy hats.

The one thing that’s beginning to annoy me all to hell is the Texas twang. At first it’s cool because it’s different. But after a few months I’m thinking ok you motherfuckers have TV, you know how stuff is supposed to be said, so talk right! And the Mexicans don’t like me because I’m not fluent in Spanish. I’m cool with the black people in San Angelo but there’s only like three of them so that only goes so far. I’d pay a dollar just to see some Vietnamese people but in San Angelo there are none to be found.

I’m in class tuning everybody out feeling how Kunta Kinte must have felt after he got his foot chopped off and pretty much gave up on the idea of ever seeing Africa again. It’s some sort of science or biology class where the instructor has such a heavy Texas accent that even the other Texans are making fun of him. And his neck is physically red. Amid the cacophany of voices one morning, I hear something I cannot believe. I must be dreaming but two seats behind me I hear the sound of a student speaking normal midwest English!!!

I turn to the girl and remark on her speech and ask her where she’s from. Columbus Ohio, Big 10 country!!! I tell her I’m from Lansing Michigan and we’re instant homies. Her name is Cheri Hornung. I ask her (jokingly) if she’s related to the football legend Paul Hornung. She’s a distant relative!!! From that day on, for the rest of the year, you couldn’t pry me away from her with a crowbar. From then on everywhere she stands becomes like two square feet of home.

She’s in San Angelo because her dad is stationed at Goodfellow Airforce Base. We have a small clique of Air Force brats we sometimes hang out with but they’re all dorks. We have some good times. Like the time we went to the movies to see one of the Poltergeist movies, the time I gave her some Virginity Restorer Pills for her birthday, and when she reciprocated by getting me a dog bone with a big ribbon on it for my birthday. Our relationship was strictly atomic, or something, but it was cool. Then, for some reason, after about a year we drift apart.

After some time I’m seeing this Mexican girl named Carmen. I finally score, yay! A week later Carmen gives me a note from the Texas Department of Public Health: Your sexual partner has been treated for Chlamydia. D’OH!! When I leave Texas for good at age 17 I’m so busy with Carmen’s boo hoos and my lies to her (I’m gonna miss you baby) that I totally forget to say goodbye to Cheri. Or maybe I did, who knows. We exhanged letters once or twice after I get back to Lansing but that’s about it. She was getting married. Now we’ve lost contact.

My only hope is that she google searches her maiden name at some point and hits up the blog. Then maybe she’ll say howdy.

I mean hi.

28 Responses to “Cheri”

  1. Phelps says:

    My father buys those little gimmie calendars instead of Christmas cards and sends those out (his mother used to do it, and now that she is dead he picked it up) and he actually had “Howdy Y’all” printed on them. I shit you not.

    Oh, and check this post out:

    http://www.donotremove.net/archives/003045.html

  2. THE "D" says:

    I hope she comes back around partner. I bet she hits the blog becasue everyone I know puts a search in for their name sooner or later. Shit I just went on the offenders website and found out that my alter ego (David Marion) (El Diablo II) is in jail for life for murder.
    That could have been me if I was not able to give the cop the slip when I one handed that fence in 1980. But that is another story!!!!!!!!!!!

    I knew I had to leave him in Detroit.

  3. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    “D” when you pray do you thank God for doughnuts?

  4. Mexigogue says:

    East Texas is cool. In 1979 I was at a Greyhound station in Dallas and saw two black guys get in a fistfight in the line at McDonalds. They were both skinny as hell. It was like Eddie Kedricks vs Eddie Kendricks.

  5. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    I once saw a guy get thrown though a plate glass window in a 24 hour liquor store in Chicago

  6. Mexigogue says:

    Now I’m definitely taking the train to Chicago!

  7. THE "D" says:

    You Damn Skippy!

  8. guy through the plate glass window says:

    Shit!

  9. Phelps says:

    Dallas is great. This has to be the tackiest city in America.

    They had so many problems at that McDonalds, they had to take drastic measures to run off the ruffians. You know what they used? Bethoven. Bach. Mozart. Really. They play loud classical music, and no one hangs around outside it anymore.

    Dallas, BTW, is North Texas. East Texas is Beaumont and Marshall and such. It is a whole different animal (like Chicago vs. Detroit.) In East Texas, you still have pockets of the old race shit (like the guy that was dragged to death in Jasper.) It isn’t all of East Texas, just some of the small towns, but you really don’t see that anymore in Texas anyplace but backwoods East Texas. We still have fights, we just don’t have them over skin color.

  10. Phelps says:

    BTW, I can walk across the hall and see that McDonalds and Grayhound station through the window. I’m literally across the street from it.

  11. Mexigogue says:

    Can you see two skinny black guys in line? If so you might wanna take a break and run over there.

  12. Nice Rack says:

    I never said I wouldn’t sleep with TB, it just isn’t easily done across the continents. So meximan, what’s up with not looking at me these days? Am I that hideous?

  13. Mexigogue says:

    No you’re not hideous. If I don’t look you in the eye for a month maybe I’ll get back to normal. No looking you in the boobs either. Don’t take it personal.

  14. THE "D" says:

    Yeah Laurie I think I need to stop it too! I was out of order trying to get you to dance with me all night lastnight. I will have to withdraw from my fascination of the Leroy’s bar DJ. It is not very professional.

    Starting right now I am officially on stop googling over Laurie Mode!!!

    GO!

  15. Mexigogue says:

    But I’m cheating. I still have her picture as my computer wallpaper! HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA(hiccup!)HAAHHAHAHAA!!!!

  16. Nice Rack says:

    I don’t mind being ogled, I like being adored. It makes me feel good, and since I haven’t been feeling the greatest the past couple of days, you made me feel better last night D. I appreciated it, so you can ogle me anytime.

  17. Mexigogue says:

    My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

  18. THE "D" says:

    Okay I am officially off no google Laurie mode!!!

    I was sweating like a banshee over here!

  19. guy through the plate glass window says:

    I ain’t no expert. . . but banshees don’t sweat. They howl. I got into a argument about that once. Mufucka threw me through a plate glass window. Shit!

  20. Nice Rack says:

    Well guys, no woodies, hard-ons, stiffies, or whatever you call them. I’m leaving work for the day. You guys have a great day, and remember, it’s ok to adore me. Kidding, though I meant it when I said it picks me up a little.

  21. Nice Rack says:

    And in 1986 I was only 8. Damn meximan, I forget that you are older than me. You are talking about getting laid when I’m still playing with barbies.

  22. THE "D" says:

    Did she say playing with the “Puppies” ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    WOOD!

  23. Mexigogue says:

    That’s all right. Now you’re the one getting laid. .. and I’m the one. . . . playing with Barbies?? No, that’s not right either. Forget it.

  24. Mexigogue says:

    If Cheri ever does read this blog she’s gonna get to these comments and say ‘I was gonna post something but. . on second thought. . . NO!

  25. Phelps says:

    When it comes to sweating, the preferred simile in this neck of the woods is “sweating like a whore in church with a john on the front steps.”

  26. Phelps says:

    I was 4 in 1979 but only because that damned parachute jump stunted my growth.

  27. Mexigogue says:

    Reincarnation is a bitch, isn’t it?

  28. TB says:

    where there’s a will there’s a way. Chicago is the best.