First Aid

I was reading about this three year old who choked to death while eating popcorn at a movie theater. Sad story. His father had this to say:

“I was trying everything,” his father, Eddie Riley, told the Daily News in Tuesday’s editions. “I was trying to put my finger down his throat. I didn’t feel anything.”

Of all the things to try, that is waaaaaaaaay down on the list, somewhere near ‘stab him in the head with a knife’. Sticking your finger down his throat would only pack the obstruction in even worse. Everyone should learn first aid. I learned it in the military. You never know when it might come in handy.

Like this one time. . . at Leroy’s The Great Satan. . . My friend Stephen and I were shooting pool. . . and suddenly we started hearing shouting from the table behind us. This woman was screaming at this guy at her table who had hitherto been quite conscious but who was now un. He was slumped forward with his face resting on the table in front of him. She was screaming progressively louder as he did not respond “Chester! Chester! CHESTER!!!!”

She was screaming something or other and she stood up and started pushing him on the chest which, since he was in a sitting position, only caused him to rock back back in forth in a fashion. He was still unconscious but maybe the rocking motion was a bit soothing. Maybe.

Then she placed her mouth on Chester’s mouth and blew in. Since she didn’t pinch his nostrils shut the air just hissed right back out of nose. Then she started pushing his chest again. I looked at Stephen and said “That’s not how you perform CPR.” Stephen said “I know.” We kind of exchanged glances and I said “I think Chester’s gonna die.” He said “Yep.” We watched a little more until it got boring, then we resumed shooting pool.

After some time the paramedics arrived but they were not necessary. Chester had regained consciousness by then and was mumbling through what was reputed to be a drug induced stupor so it appeared that he had not actually been suffering from a heart attack after all. That was one of the reasons I didn’t try to help. Another reason was that I was worried that if I succeeded in saving his life, it might have some negative ramifications down the line. With a name like Chester, the likelihood of him being a molester was pretty high. I couldn’t have lived with myself if something bad had happened to someone else at a later date because I saved his life.

Chester ended up refusing medical attention and all was well that ended well. My point, though, is that everyone should know CPR. That way when your loved one is dying right before your eyes, you don’t have to count on the altruism of jackasses like me and Stephen to pull you through. Because you just might be sitting there counting while we shoot rack after rack of pool.

23 Responses to “First Aid”

  1. Phelps says:

    That reminds me of that scene in Baseketballs where they are standing on the kids breathing tube, and they are stabbing him with all kinds of needles and defibbing him and everything. Man that movie kicked ass.

    And how did people get so stupid lately? When I was a kid, you didn’t even need the Hiemlick manuever. You just grabbed the kid, hoisted him up by his ankles, and then slugged him in the back a couple of times. Out pops the popcorn.

  2. Mexigogue says:

    Hey, that’s not cool to make fun of a dude whose kid just died. It’s too soon.

    (looking at watch)

    I figure another fifteen minutes.

  3. TB says:

    “We kind of exchanged glances and I said “I think Chester’s gonna die.” He said “Yep.” We watched a little more until it got boring, then we resumed shooting pool.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA… wonderful stuff. I swear, all great things happen at Leroys… I need to rededicate my life to that place.

    fun times!
    TB

  4. THE "D" says:

    Mike you are hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the best post in a longtime. “Chesters gonna die”

    “Yep”

    Great Stuff it is TB!

  5. Nice Rack says:

    Meximan, was that the guy who ended up sitting in his own puke? Or was that another guy, cuz I remember a dude who passed out on that table near the karaoke in his puke, and his friend was all freaked out because he had just suffered a stroke not too long before that. I know that if I ever had children, I will know how to do CPR, because I will want to make sure that nothing happens to my kids. Some really cute guy checked out my profile on yahoo and wants to get to know me. I e-mailed him back, so maybe things will get interesting for me. Of course, my body will always belong to TB, lol.

  6. Mexigogue says:

    I don’t remember any puke. This was a little more than a year ago. It was actually fire deparmtent EMTs who showed up and they brought in a big stretcher but Chester was like no. I don’t think he wanted them to run a toxicology test on him.

  7. Nice Rack says:

    Must have been a different guy that I remember. Oh well, just another Leroy’s story. This guy was in a wheelchair I think, and I’m pretty sure the EMT’s took him out.

  8. Mexigogue says:

    UNLV Jacket saw a midget shaking her ass on the dance floor at Leroy’s once. That’s a pretty interesting story. Not to mention the mentally retarded dude who thought UNLV was Sinbad the comedian and wanted an autograph. The guy’s sister said go on and give him an autograph, it will make him feel good. Our esteemed colleague declined.

  9. Nice Rack says:

    I never get asked for my autograph, just my phone number. Like I’m seriously going to give any of those guys my number. I just got done with one asshole who apparently only wanted me for 6 months of sex, why would I go out with another guy who is very obvious about only wanting me for the same thing. And I don’t think UNLV looks like Sinbad at all, but I guess some could get confused. I’ve never been mistaken for anyone, but I don’t look like anyone famous. You and K-dog have fun playing pool last night after I left?

  10. Mexigogue says:

    I slowed down and played very well. It was boring.

  11. THE "D" says:

    Sinbad! UNLV does not look like Sinbad. I don’t blame him for not giving the little booga a autograph. I would have signed it something really messed up and damaged the kid mentally forever.

  12. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Leroy’s has some funny charachters….

    #1 Midget in a mini-dress shaking her ass and telling everyone she has a big booty

    #2 Monique—-> nuff said

    #3 Retarted man who thought I was Sinbad. If his sister was hot I would have signed the autograph and done her.

    #4 The King of Leroy’s himself the karaoke singer that sings Cloud Nine and Oh Sheila I think they they call him “Michael”

    #5 Random fat chicks trying to get laid

    ps. these are just my observations from the time I have spent at Leroy’s

  13. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    This years winner of Sir Courvosier memorial quote of the year contest goes to “Mexi” for

    “Then she placed her mouth on Chester’s mouth and blew in. Since she didn’t pinch his nostrils shut the air just hissed right back out of nose. Then she started pushing his chest again. I looked at Stephen and said “That’s not how you perform CPR.” Stephen said “I know.” We kind of exchanged glances and I said “I think Chester’s gonna die.” He said “Yep.” We watched a little more until it got boring, then we resumed shooting pool.”

    cheerssss!!!!!!!

  14. Mexigogue says:

    Haha! Thanks!!! Somehow I thought the molester quote would be the more salient one but I guess that shows how the effect is different for the person who writes it and the person who reads it, you guys liked that other line better! Ooh rah!

  15. Nice Rack says:

    Thanks, UNLV, for not putting the esteemed karaoke host on that list of Leroy’s characters. I appreciate that.

  16. Mexigogue says:

    You would really WANT to be listed with a motely crew such as that??????

  17. Nice Rack says:

    Of course not, there was no sarcasm in my comment. I was really glad that he didn’t put me on that list.

  18. Mexigogue says:

    Oh, ok. It’s hard to read voice inflection over the net. In black and white it looked like when you told Phelps thanks a lot for photoshopping your picture. HAHA! I mean, which was. . of course, . wrong. mheh!

  19. guy in the UNLV jacket says:

    Sorry “Rack”! You don’t make top 5. You are in the same boat as the “D”. You are both cool as hell but I haven’t seen either of you do enough to distinguish yourselves to make the Sir Courvosier memorial top 5 funniest Leroy’s people list. Don’t despair I’ll probably be in town over the holidays and you guys can get drunked up do something outrageous and make the list.

  20. Phelps says:

    I’m sure that if I ever decided to come to the People’s Republic of Michigan I could qualify as a character.

  21. Nice Rack says:

    That’s because I work in there, but hardly ever get drunk in there. Now “D” on the other hand can get pretty fucked up, which is absolutely hilarious. We are going to have to have a blog reunion when you come to town.

  22. Mexigogue says:

    I don’t believe you guys are talking about this. Last night I dreamed that I woke up late for work and I was getting ready to call in and say I’d be there when suddenly I was told someone was in town to see me. It was Phelps!! He was like “Yeah, you could go to work. . . or we could hang out and go to Flappers. I was like yeahhhhhhh! Let me grab my cue stick. Wait, what’s Flappers? (name of a karaoke/bowling place here in Lansing I think but I’m not sure I was only there once.)

    Then I called in to work and I was pretty sure I was going to lose my job but it was ok because it was Friday and I had just gotten paid.

    I didn’t remember the dream ’til you guys got on the last subject.

  23. TB says:

    Laurie, I knew if I held out long enough you’d be mine… now ride the dragon..