Back to the Lab

Going back to the D today. Too busy to use pronouns. No wait, damn that .

When I was a child I used to imagine that at this point in my life I’d be fighting crime at night, wearing some sort of costume. Well I figure you gotta live your dreams. So starting tonight I’m going to go out fighting crime. I need some ideas on some sort of costume, and a motif. I really cool origin would be a bonus but lest anybody get any ideas I’m not going to go out there and get bit by any radioactive spiders. How did the Hulk originate? Oh yeah, David Banner found out how much taxes they were really taking from him and he just lost it. Cool origin but that’s already been taken.

I’ll try to check in here before noon. Need costume idea. Remember, can’t really sew for shit. Jogging suit man is out.

18 Responses to “Back to the Lab”

  1. Nice Rack says:

    How about Thong Man? It’s fairly inexpensive, and there would be no sewing involved. Your alter-ego would originate from the Asians trying to curb the population in their countries. This angers you because you are a baby-making machine (in the movie you would have 300 children, all by supermodel women), so you vow to impregnate all asian women. Your goal is to have Mexi-babies take over the world.

  2. Mexigogue says:

    You’re fired. Hey, I’m late. Now I’m really getting on the road.

  3. TB says:

    superheroes are fucken gay solely because they are too “niche” market. weaknesses to expolit are for bitches.

    Although jogging suit man is perhaps the greatest idea ever.

    Either that or “the Italian”

  4. Mexigogue says:

    TB is right. Maybe I should go for the super villian angle. I can be Captain Liberal, going around kicking pregnant women in the stomach because they don’t have the good sense to know that they have a right to an abortion!

  5. TB says:

    now we’re talkin… but instead of captain “liberal” call yourself “Captain Fuckbucket.” Carry around a claymore and lay waste with all injustices.

  6. Sir Courvoisier says:

    I say you dress up in a velvet Louis Vutton jogging suit, some Gazelle sunglasses, a pair of Pumas with the fat laces and a dirty stained wife beater and carry a back pack full of Colt 45. You will go around getting fucked up drinking Colt 45 while looking for and commiting crimes. Instead of guns or kung-fu your weapon of choice will be malt liquor bottles. You will have 2 bisexual chicks as sidekicks, muncher and licker. They will wear Playboy Bunny outfits. Your arch enemies will be Sir Courvoisier and St. Ides “The patron saint of bad things”.

  7. TB says:

    Fucken shit that is some funny balls right there Sir…

    Malt Liquor bottle violence! I love it! And you need 3 sidekicks. A big half n’ half named Vaughnice. When the colt 45 bottles run low, Vaughnice brings out the big guns…which of course are more liquor bottles.

  8. Phelps says:

    I can loan you a claymore. That’s no problem.

    I’m too busy jamming to MC Chris to bother with fighting crime. Nerd-rap rules.

  9. THE "D" says:

    Sir you hit it right on the nose. That type of super hero would be a big hit at “Leroy’s”. Shucks he would rule the roust.

  10. Mexigogue says:

    On second thought thong man seems to be on par with all these other ideas. Lauri, you’re re-hired with a raise!!

  11. Nice Rack says:

    At least with my alter-ego you get to have lots of sex.

  12. Mexigogue says:

    Oh, I accidently sent you a computer virus last night. Don’t open it. Yeah, thanks!

  13. Amanda says:

    Let’s see…

    I’ve got it! Conservative Smart-ass Man! You wear pinstripe robes and you go around goading liberal nut-cases into a mouth-foaming tizzy and then act all so shocked when they go psycho.

    You should always go with your strengths…

  14. Mexigogue says:

    That’s it! I can even have my own catch-phrase:

    reporter: oh no, you certainly couldn’t have meant that. I’m sure you don’t want us to put that down as your economic plan for the mentally disabled.

    Mexigogue: Put that in writing just like I said it: Dancing for nickels!

  15. Amanda says:

    Of course, I would have to be one of your sidekicks – Maternal Bitch. And then you would have Rich – the Fortune Cookie Ninja.

  16. Amanda says:

    And we can make Phelp’s Militia Man.

  17. Phelps says:

    You don’t even have to use real nickels. They’ll dance for those candy coins, or even Funyons. They think they are money, because I saw one retarded guy put three Funyons in his billfold once.

    And my militia will be known as Phelps’ Phools.

  18. Phelps says:

    “In 2004, a crackhead, a lonely handyman, and a drunk nerd were sent to prison by a kangaroo court for crimes they probably did commit, but they really didn’t have any evidence for, and the defense attorney wasn’t really trying, and… anyways.

    “These men (technically Sanderman was still genetically a man) promptly escaped from a maximum security cafeteria to the Lansing underground karaoke scene. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as villains of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can possibly make it worse, and if you can stomach the sight of them, maybe you can hire THE UNFUCKABLES.”

    (Dah duhduh daa, dum da daaa)