Sappy E-mail

Sappy E-mails that get forwarded around piss me off. This girl once forwarded one to me (and like 20 other people) because she thought it was particularly cute. It is as follows:

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you.
And share with you the beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue.
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own.
A place to find serenity,
a place to be alone.
If I could take your troubles,
I would toss them in the sea.
But all these things I’m finding
are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair.
But let me be what I know best
A friend that’s always there.

Ok, so you can see what I have to deal with here. So I composed a response and fired it back to the person as well as to everyone that had received her orginal E-mail. My response was:

If I could catch smallpox
I’d be sure to share with you
So we’d both feel the agony
and days of turning blue
If I could build a wall
that I could call my own
I’d place it right between us
and turn the ringer off my phone
If I could take your troubles
and things that make you cry
I’d put them in a bag with rabbits (and viagra)
and watch them multiply.
But all these things are impossible for me
I can’t catch smallpox (it was eradicated)
I can’t build a wall (I’m not mechanically inclined)
And I don’t have any rabbits
But I can give you some good advice

Never. NEVER hug me!

Ha ha ha!

12 Responses to “Sappy E-mail”

  1. THE "D" says:

    I bet you never got another messed up chain letter from her again after that response!

  2. Nice Rack says:

    Hey Mike, I noticed the Nikki comment, is that what you wanted to tell me last night? And is it Trina? And no wonder she doesn’t like my nights, I’m not a lesbian.

  3. Mexigogue says:

    No, it’s not Trina. It’s somebody I haven’t met before. She said the girl’s name but I didn’t recognize it. At first I thought she was kidding me but after I realized she was serious I was like whatever floats your proverbial boat. If you’re happy, that puts you one better than the vast majority of people. To each her own, hehe!

  4. Mexigogue says:

    Oh shit. Courvoisier just forwarded me the chain letter I just dogged out! THIS THING JUST WON’T DIE!!!!!!

  5. Sir Courvoisier says:

    You should have asked her if you could just watch and jack off. That’s what Courvoisier would have done…….yeah!!!!

  6. THE "D" says:

    Yeah I would have had to ask the question too Mike!!!

    All she can say is no!

  7. TB says:

    If I could make lightning strike
    I’d aim it for your face
    And watch you burn in glory
    And watch you puss and spew
    If I could build an Iron maiden
    I would place you in it fast
    A place to find your soul leave,
    a place to die alone.
    If I could take your dreams,
    I would toss them in the sea.
    all these things for which you cry and hate
    are such a pleasure for me
    I have already built the Iron Maiden
    The lightning is on it’s way
    And let me do what I do best
    put your ass in a shallow grave today.

    Tacos 4 lyfe!

  8. Mexigogue says:

    Just the first two lines made the whole thing worth it!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

  9. Sir Courvoisier says:

    Now that’s funny TB.. I damn near pissed myself

  10. TB says:

    cheers fellas!

    I win the contest for “most effort put into a blog comment of the day”

    I think you know what I win….

  11. Mama-manda says:

    Never. NEVER hug me!

    Surely that doesn’t go for me too…

  12. The "D" says:

    TB wins best comment ever