The Boobie Wars will commence as soon as I get a cleavage shot of Lauri. I already have one of Amanda but it would be unfair to post it right now as, in the classic tradition of Boobie Wars, both sides must walk 20 paces then turn around and present at the same time. Since this is on the net, we shall dispense with the paces but they shall be presented simultaneously.

Blog visitors will each vote once. Fake blog trolls may vote as many times as they like providing they come back with a new fake persona each time. Boobies shall be judged on size, firmness, aesthetic quality, talent, and originality. In the event of a knockdown, the other boobs must go to a nuetral corner and there will be a manadatory 8 count. When I call break, break clean. Obey my instructions at all times. Ok, touch gloves in the middle, may the best mammary win.

Oh wait, we can’t start until I get a cleavage shot. Well we’ve got the rules out of the way anyway.

We now go to Larry Merchent, George Foreman, and Emmanuel Stewart for some pre-fight analysis:

Larry Merchent:

I think what we’re seeing here is going to be interesting in that these two women, while representing different cup classes, if you will, are both looking to bring the best of their respective divisions to the table. Amanda, obviously, is going to have size and power on her side. Lauri, on the other hand, is going to be a little more enigmatic. She was at her prime maybe two months ago and in the best condition of her life for Booby Wars. Since then, however, she’s gone down from the welterweight division down to a lightweight. Some would say what she’s losing in size she’s going to actually pick up in speed. How do you see it George?

George Foreman:

I’m going to have to disagree with that point right there. Speed is alway going to be a factor, but the key to this fight is going to be experience. You gotta remember that at her age, Amanda’s been carrying around these puppies since the end of the disco era. She’s been in there and tussled against the all time greats. She’s stood toe to toe with Tooty, she’s warred with Dolly Parton in her prime, and the experience she brings into this. . . that’s something that cannot be taught. Couple that with the fact that she knows all the old tricks of the trade, I think Lauri is gonna have more than she can bargain for on Saturday.

Emmauel Stewart:

You know we can analyze this until the cows come home, but in the end I think what’s going to make the difference is the training. Lauri’s camp has gotta be coaching her to get right in this and use her speed to go for the quick knockout. Four rounds is what they’ve gotta be shooting for at best. Because I tell you, if it gets into the later rounds, fatigue is going to become a factor. This is not so much a case of whichever side wants it more as it is going to be about who is going to be able to dictate the pace of this fight and the ability to fight it on their own terms. Lauri is looking to impress the judges with speed and number of hits. Amanda has gotta be looking for those power shots. Whichever way it falls, it’s gonna be a good one.

So there you have it folks. That’s about all we have for now. Don’t forget to be there this Saturday night. It’s gonna be showtime and we’re all looking to see a good show. Until then, this is the Mexigogue and you are. . . whoever you are. Good night!

39 Responses to “BOOBIE WARS!!!!!!!”

  1. Nice Rack says:

    To the comments from yesterday, I have not been practicing Baby Got Back since 1992, I just had an inspiration about a year ago since everyone finds it so humorous that my ass is small. I don’t mind, cuz I have a nice shape and I’m a tiny woman, so I figured why not poke a little fun at myself to get a response from the crowd. It worked, and it was fun. Who ever said white girls can’t rap? As for the boobie wars, I told Mike I’m down. If Amanda is voted as the best boobs, I’m still Nice Rack cuz I never said they were massive, just nice. I do have the perfect shirt to wear, it accents my cleavage oh so nicely. I’ll get Mike to take a pic on Saturday night, and on Monday the voting can commence.

  2. Mexigogue says:

    Saturday??? What the hell am I supposed to do until then? Sigh! I guess it’s Mario Golf again today for me. I had the inside track to win the Bowswer tournament yesterday until I bogeyed on the 17th hole.

  3. Phelps says:

    WTF? Am I out of the competition all of the sudden?

  4. Phelps says:

    I have it on good authority that even almost nothing can still hold its own if you shake it like a Polaroid picture.

    I started feeling really old when my 14 year old cousin asked me while Outkast was on, “What’s a Polaroid picture?”

  5. Mexigogue says:

    Hey, it reversed today. Usually whatever I blog about gets kicked out of the way and we end up talking about boobs. Now I blogged about boobs and we’re talking about Polaroid pictures. go figure.

  6. Sir Courvoisier says:

    I used to love polaroid cameras. Before digital came out it was the only way I could get chicks to take nuddies….I wonder if you can still buy film for those things….

  7. Mexigogue says:

    I think I still have some old flash bulbs.

  8. Sir Courvoisier says:

    Now that’s old school Mexi….I got some old school stuff for you guys…How about 70’s bush? Don’t see alot of that out there anymore…

  9. Mexigogue says:

    Are you talking that time I accidently walked in on my grandmother in the shower? Dude. . for the last time. . . that was an accident!

  10. Nice Rack says:

    You boys have thoroughly lost all sanity.

  11. Mexigogue says:

    Herro Rice Rack!!

  12. Nice Rack says:

    Freaks, the entire lot of you. No wonder I fit in so well.

  13. Jill says:

    Is it too late to sign up?

  14. Mexigogue says:

    Oh my god . . . .. The Boobie wars have just gone WWE on us!!! OOOOOOOH Don’t hurt ’em!!!

  15. Sir Courvoisier says:

    Do 3 chicks in a cleavege contest qualify as a mengea-a-trois?

  16. Nice Rack says:

    This is hilarious, I don’t even care if I win. Mike, you should take lots of cleavage pictures this weekend, and tell people to vote on them all!

  17. TB says:

    God this is the best fucken blog ever. What a stellar idea!

    Life’s too short not to enjoy boobie warz over the medium of circuitry.

    Laurie, I’m still confused as to when we fuck.

    Beef Jerky time!

  18. TB says:

    btw mexi, as a fellow video game golf enthusiast, do you know of any where you can play your friend over the computer.

    wasn’t “Golden Links” or some shit like that the money shot for this? Ya know, I get on my comp, friend on his… we play 18 holes.

  19. Nice Rack says:

    I’m confused about every agreeing to fuck, lol. Send a pic of yourself, and I’ll send a pic of my legs

  20. Mexigogue says:

    I will have to look into that TB. I would really like to play a more serious golf game. The one I currently play I always choose the monkey as my character. It’s kind of fun but when I slice the ball and it ends up in the lake of fire. . . i’m kind of doubting the game’s realism.

  21. Mexigogue says:

    I’ve amended the blog adding some prefight commentary from Larry Merchent, George Foreman, and Emmanuel Stewart.

  22. the racker says:

    Larry Merchant is a punk. Any chance of getting Teddy Atlas to take the place of Larry? Oh, and there better not be any Lederman scorecard! And between rounds you should be zooming in on either the contestant’s heaving racks or the ring-card-girl’s heaving racks. No need for interpreters as long as we’ve got that heaving-rack thing going on. Did I cover heaving racks? yep. Ok, that’s all.

  23. Mexigogue says:

    All excellent points. Duly noted.
    (heaving racks!)

  24. TB says:

    you got it Laurie! We totally agreed to fuck.. damn your low standards mixed with selective memory! (shaking my fist!)

    I’ll pic ya up soon… I’m a go getter for sure!

    yeah mexi, I don’t know if your golf game was based loosely on any of the major PGA sanctioned tournents..

    I don’t remember seeing too many lakes of fire while sitting on the couch sunday recovering from that bastard jagermeister

  25. The "D" says:

    On a seminar all week in Detroit missed all these good comments. Mike the world is not ready for you to have a digital camera. The blog will never be the same again. We really have to watch who reads this now. I think I am going to get a camera too!

  26. Amanda says:

    Amanda’s been carrying around these puppies since the end of the disco era.

    That is so true.

    And I agree that Nice Rack still deserves that title.

  27. Mexigogue says:

    There is no fun in conceding. The competition will go on. . . and the real winner is. . . ME!!! When I started this blog I never dreamed it would score me some booby pictures. If they told more schoolchildren that perhaps they would work a little harder on learning to write essays!

    Seriously though, I never got why some students never liked writing. To me, writing is as easy as breathing. All you have to do is put down your thoughts. And everyone has thoughts. Dammit!

    (in Mexigogue writing 101, dammit is the preferred way to end an essay)

  28. Amanda says:

    Are you going to enter Phelp’s cleavage too?

  29. Mexigogue says:

    Perhaps I haven’t made myself entirely clear on this. . . . I HAVE ENOUGH FUCKING NIGHTMARES AS IT IS!!!!!!!
    There, I said it.

  30. Amanda says:

    All right. I guess Phelps will have to have a male cleavage war on his own blog then.

  31. Amanda says:

    BTW, Mex, I’m allowing anonymous posting in my livejournal again. I’m not publically announcing it, since my trolls are a lot more sacchriny than yours and a hell of a lot more obsessive.

    And publically, I’m not acknowledging the Boobie Wars on my journal. I did do a filtered post for those LJ friends who I trust. The rest of LJ land is not capable of handling (or worthy of) the sight of my cleavage.

  32. Amanda says:

    Oh, forgot to mention that I posted something you might be interested in there. Or more precisely, I post a like there to another LJ entry of someone else you might want to read. (Let’s see if I remember the HTML code for opening a new window this time – My LJ)

  33. Amanda says:

    Guess not. Oh well, you know the URL.

  34. Mexigogue says:

    Hehe! I won’t announce the Boobie wars on either list! It will stay here and among my real life cohorts!

  35. Amanda says:

    Thanks. Who know what weirdos I’d get hit on by otherwise.

  36. Phelps says:

    My brow is entirely too highbrow to host that sort of competition.

    Except maybe John-John’s cleavage.

  37. The "D" says:

    You all need some type of religion in your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was a religious person before I starting reading this blog! Now all I think about is the “Wars” you know what I mean there is another set of eyes watching me write this one.

    I will be able to view the selection later. I know who I am voting for.

  38. Amanda says:

    I will be able to view the selection later. I know who I am voting for.

    You mean you’ve decided before looking?

    Or are you going to write in a candidate?

  39. Amanda says:

    I will be able to view the selection later. I know who I am voting for.

    You mean you’ve decided before looking?

    Or are you going to write in a candidate?