I Hate People

No, I’m not having a bad day. So far it’s a good day in fact, but I just had to say that I hate people.

This is not the same as saying that I hate all people. Some people I like, in fact, and if I act like I like you then I really do because I don’t fake it. But for the rest of the steaming mass of humanity, if I’m not making eye contact with you then do us both a favor and leave me the fuck alone. I’ll use last night as a case in point.

Last night I was sitting at table by myself waiting for my next pool game. Out of the 50 or so people in the place, there were maybe two I can stand. But since the place was filling up, three chicks decided to sit at the table with me. Two of them were lesbian and, while I have no particular objection to lesbianage (or counter lesbianage), the main thing that irked me was that they insisted on making small talk even though I plainly was trying to ignore them. Then this dude who I know and who is generally ok came over to talk to one of the girls at my table so he was blocking my view of the pool table. .. for like 10 fucking minutes.

The only saving grace here was that he was also blocking my view of the Mumbling Motherfucker who Never Shuts the Fuck Up and since this dude couldn’t get my attention any more (and since I cease pretending to listen to his rambling some time back), he started yammering on to one of the lesbians who listened for a while and finally asked “Are you talkin’ to me?”

Finally I could not take it any more and I got up and abandoned my seat at the table, choosing instead to lean up against the wall and talk to this chick named Navea (who incidently now has the blog address so I need to add right here that she is one of the few people I actually can stand, obviously, or I wouldn’t have given it to her). Now in abandoning my former seat at the table, I’m perfectly aware that now those three other females are going to conclude that Mike is “actin’ funny” or is guilty of some other social war crime. Ok great, I’m a misanthropist, a criminal, and a monster because I don’t like to make small talk. I don’t care! (God that’s liberating)

The worst part is when people presume that because you’re introverted that you must really be dying to talk to people but you just need to be pulled out of your shell. Here is a clue: AN EXOSKELETON IS PART OF SOMEONE!!! WOULD YOU RIP A TURTLE OUT OF HIS SHELL AND EXPECT HIM TO #1 NOT DIE AND #2 SUDDENLY FEEL ALL TALKATIVE????? NOOOOOO!!! THERE IS ONLY ONE LEGITIMATE REASON TO RIP A TURTLE OUT OF HIS DAMN SHELL AND THAT IS SOUP!!!!!!

The highlight of my night was when I Navea turned and was doing something really intently at the instant ticket machine so I figured she was trying to feed a crooked dollar into the damn thing. At last she gave up and turned around saying “Damn, I can’t get this tootsie roll upwrapped for nothin’.” And she in fact did have a belligerent tootsie roll in her hand. That was the funniest thing.

But other than her and a select other few, last night was evil crowd. I even went home early.

11 Responses to “I Hate People”

  1. Phelps says:

    Hey! That turtle was bogarting his shell, and I needed a new hat! That’s a legitimate reason too!

    I spent all day listening to Outkast go “shake it like a polaroid picture” all day.

    And we tied two games in bowling. Not one but TWO FRIGGIN GAMES. I’ve never even heard of that happening. At least we don’t have to carry a half a game on the standings all season.

  2. Phelps says:

    And one of them was a 716. When you shoot a 700 and you STILL DON’T WIN, that sucks.

  3. THE "D" says:

    It is very hard to even shoot a 700 let alone 716 Phelps. That proves that you love bowling as much as we love Pool!!

    See Mike that is why I just let you sit in the cornr writing on paper in Leroy’s. If you want to talk you come over and say something then move on.

    I get it!! The only reason I talk is usually to piss someone off enough to mess up their pool game when they play me.

    Or I am commenting on those white shorts of Steph!

  4. The Sicilian says:

    Don’t feel bad Mexi. Most humans with any kind of intelligence hate small talk. You’re a bit nicer than I, I generally have no problem telling people that like to “chat” to go count the cracks in the middle of the highway.

  5. TB says:

    First off, you should have went Steven Seagal on those asses…come on! you’re in a pool hall and angry! OUT FOR JUSTICE anyone? slip that ol’ 8 ball in a towel and get busy bustin teef!

    second off, now I want to rip turtles out of their shell.

    third off, I appreciate your viewpoint more than you know.


  6. The Sicilian says:

    Poor poor turtles. By the way, Mexi….YOU ARE THE WINNER OF A BRAND NEW ESCALADE…Nah, just joking, you did win the caption contest, though.

  7. Mexigogue says:

    I love y’als uber violence. I was thinking of writing a book about a group of people who know each other from the interent who, just out of sheer boredom, bankroll one of their members to go live in some miscellaneous city for a few months and infiltrate a crime organization. Then he sets up a plot and the others take a preordained one week leave from their jobs and they go and ROB THESE MOTHERFUCKERS vigilante style!! I now have my list of characters from this very blog!!

  8. TB says:

    sign me up….. #1 ass-kicker

  9. The Sicilian says:

    I will be called “The Sicilian”.

  10. Phelps says:

    A seven isn’t that hard. It’s 175 a person. We shot a seven with a 100 pin handicap; the other team shot it scratch. I shot a 140 on that one. (I only carry a 120.)

  11. Mexigogue says:

    I’m terrible at bowling. Nice Rack bowled a 250 or something a couple months ago. It would take me 3 games to total 250. (sadly, I’m not joking)