Feeling Good About Myself

The past couple of days I’ve been feeling like a war criminal for something goofy I did recently (no I will not talk about it here as it is absurd and embarassing). But then this morning I’m reading the news about this guy who went and exposed a bunch of women to HIV without telling them infecting four of them and I’m like hey, I’m still pretty cool compared to that guy! And then I’m reading about this little girl who is recovering from getting chemical burns all over her body from her father and I’m like whoaaaa! Compared to that guy, I kick ass!

See, some thing are kind of fucked up but then you get over them. But theres no way to be like five years down the line:

girl: What are you smiling about? What’s funny?
dude: I was just thinking about. . . remember that time I gave you AIDS?
girl: Oh, haha! Yeah. . . . that was funny, wasn’t it?

Nooooo! That ain’t gonna happen. So that guy sucks.

And then come to think of it, I’m even cooler than Christopher Reeve because I can walk and he can’t! See, I started out feeling kind of bad about myself but when I look at the news and realize how bad other people suck, I’m beginning to realize how awesomely I rock! Thank you abcnews.com and thank you internet! Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to go hit up uglypeople.com and feel even better about myself!

11 Responses to “Feeling Good About Myself”

  1. Sir Courvoisier says:

    If you want some really positive self esteem watch Maury, Riki Lake and Springer.

  2. Mexigogue says:

    Yeah. haha! People who go on talk shows SUCK!!
    (there’s like a 7 year statute of limitations on that one. Anyone who went on in 1996 is exempt.)

  3. Neil says:

    Or you could just watch a few minutes of any show on MTV. That’s what I always do to feel better about myself. I watch it and think “Hey, that guy is my age and he’s functionally retarded. Plus, he’s throwing up beer all over that girl. Hey, I’m a pretty good guy!”

  4. Mexigogue says:

    I saw an episode of COPS once where they raided a drug house and when they busted in the house the dude inside was actually watching COPS. Or maybe I saw that in a movie. Or I saw it in a cartoon.

    (or maybe that really happened to me, I’m getting myself mixed up again)

  5. Neil says:

    Haha! My sister swears that she saw an episode of COPS where the police went to a house late one night looking for someone that had a warrant out for their arrest. When the police got there they realized it was the wrong house. But, while they were there, someone actually tried to break in. The robber was just some crack-head that picked a REALLY BAD time to rob his neighbor’s house.

  6. Mexigogue says:

    In 1990 I was working as a clerk at a convenience store in the ‘hood and my manager starts screaming at this dude to put the wine back. The old dude was had been trying to stick it in his jacket but when he saw that he had been found out he started running to the exit with the wine. Just as he was getting to the front door, a Lansing Police Dept. cruiser pulled right up to the parking spot in front of the door. I yelled “Your ride’s here!” and the old man was like “Aww SHIT!!” so he put the wine down and begged us not to tell the cop and he left in a hurry. I laughed until my eyeballs popped out and they were hanging by the little cord thingies!

  7. The Sicilian says:

    Oh good god, that idiot!

  8. THE "D" says:

    I would have told him to pay me $5 and the cops would never know! Hey opportunities like that only come around once in awhile.

  9. The Sicilian says:

    Viva La Feeling Great.

  10. TB says:

    good call on the 5$ bribe….. honestly, how often does this happen?

    this is America… we all need money..