Pie

Nothing more annoying than trying to pick up a hooker and she’s got her daughter tagging along because it’s bring-your-child-to-work-day. No, just kidding. Somebody just asked me where my children are. I said I missed a couple payments so the finance company came and snatched ’em back. Truth is, in years past, there was nothing for my kids to do but sit here and draw pictures. It’s not like I’m going to have them sitting here inputting confidential HIV/AIDS data.

Back to the hypocrisy. . . I used to have these shoelaces in my shoes that said “Sex Can Wait.” I had people say to me, “Michael, you got five kids. Sex can wait til what?” I’m like, “‘Til those m@#%#as go to bed!” I don’t wear those shoelaces any more. There is very little that can’t be forgiven in this world as long as you’re honest about it.

Like one time I was seeing this one girl but then I got a bunch of hickeys from this other girl. I was like ok, no use trying to hide it. So I called my girlfriend: “Just so you know, I got a bunch of hickeys from this other chick.” I got called everything but a child of God, but I made it through. Plus it gave me more credibility when I said we didn’t have sex (which was true).

I can’t stand hypocrisy. I can’t stand when a person says they believe in equality of the sexes but then they disagree when I say a woman who talks trash to a dude should get knocked out just like a man should get knocked out for doing the same thing. Gender equality and chivalry don’t fit in the same bottle.

Actually I don’t believe that men should go around knocking women out, I’m just taking the ‘equality’ idea to its logical conclusion. The truth is that while men and women are equally valuable, we are inherently different enough to warrant different roles. Michael Irvin is no less valuable than Troy Aikmen, but dammit when Troy calls a play, Michael better run the route that was called. Can you picture him going “Oh no you don’t! You don’t control me!”? That’s a recipe for disaster.

There are a lot of logical conclusions you can draw from this, but the main one I claim is that this misapplied equality ideal is a large part of the 60% divorce rate in this country. I say that although I know I’ll catch hell for it. So call me a sexist, a misogynist, and a neandrathol. Call me a jackass if it makes you feel better. But I declare this belief from the jump, so I better not be called a hypocrite!

And get in the kitchen. .. and bake me some PIE!!!

5 Responses to “Pie”

  1. Phelps says:

    “Nothing more annoying than trying to pick up a hooker and she’s got her daughter tagging along because it’s bring-your-child-to-work-day. No, just kidding.” You mean that ISN’T annoying?

    I used to have a go-kart that ran on Neandrathol.

  2. You’re comment for me today made me laugh…Cartmen always makes me laugh =)

  3. gvslim says:

    There is no way a man wrote that blog. You must be a woman! A hairy legg carpet munching feminist. How do I know? Beacuse any man knows that quaterbacks are the most valuable individuals on a football team. Panty waste!

  4. Mexigogue says:

    So Eric Hipple was more valuable than Billy Sims????? Dumbass!!!

  5. gvslim says:

    Hence the reason the Lions have only won 1 playoff game since 1957…