Today’s Lesson

Ok everybody. . . Gather ’round. Kids especially. Comfy? All right. . I have something to tell you:

NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITH ANYONE AT KNIFEPOINT!!!! IT NEVER ENDS UP GOOD!!! KICK!! SCREAM!!! RUN IF YOU CAN AND IF YOU CAN’T THEN CLAW SOMEBODY’S EYES OUT!!! BUT DO NOT GO UNDER YOUR OWN POWER!!!

I am, of course, talking about the college student who was abducted in Wisconsin. Somehow she turned up alive, but the odds are if you leave with someone at knife or gunpoint, you will never be seen alive again. This case is an anomaly.

I know it’s easy for me to talk because I’ve never had anybody pull a knife on me. . . . . Oh wait. . . Yes I have. But it’s not the same, because in those cases that person wasn’t trying to abduct me, they just wanted to kill or horribly disfigure me. Fortunately they did not succeed because apparantly I’m indestructable. . . or maybe it’s that I can bob faster than my ex-wife can weave. . . but whatever. The point is that a kidnaper’s worst enemy is attention. So I’ve taught my kids to run, scream, and claw their way out. Make sure to teach your kids this as well.

That is unless you think decomposing in a barrel in a remote location is your idea of fun. If that’s the case then, by all means, go with the abductor.

3 Responses to “Today’s Lesson”

  1. Phelps says:

    APRIL FOOLS! Now, that Mexi is done, what you should really do when you meet someone who pulls a knife on you is give them a big hug. They are really just crying for attention.

    Either that, or screw a Glock in thier ear.

  2. Mexigogue says:

    Whoaaa! It’s like you’re that character in Dick Tracy that’s half super liberal and half ultra conservative! I’d get headaches if my mind worked like that.

    (Oh wait, it does and I do)

  3. DonJosé says:

    Now it appears she wasn’t abducted. Dumb broad.

    http://edition.cnn.com/2004/US/Midwest/04/02/missing.student/index.html