Plausible Deniability

When you’re gonna disappear for a while, to “do dirt”, or whatever it is you do, it’s never a good idea to claim to have been kidnapped. As much as you might think this gives you carte blanche to just do anything without having to account for your time away, it’s ultimately way too much hassle because the police (and sometimes the feds) are sure to get involved. When you’re going to disappear for a while and you need to make up a story, try to keep it within reason.

I’ve mentioned this before in the comments but I’m going to give a fuller story now. I once knew this dude named Charles who was a 30-something year old dude who was working at Hot-n-Now (if that’s any indicator of his mental prowess). This guy disappeared on his wife Linda for a weekend. She could not locate him anywhere and she was worried sick. When he resurfaced on Monday her fear gave way to anger. Charles claimed to have been arrested and jailed in another jurisdiction (Linda had already called Lansing Police Department and Ingham County Jail with no results).

This mythical other jurisdiction was a bizzaro fantasy county where they did not allow criminal defendants the one proverbial phone call and furthermore they did not maintain any records of arrests or even bother charging Charles with anything. They kept him detained for the exact same amount of time it would have taken for him to spend a weekend having a torrid affair. It was a terrible story but you must give Charles credit because he never wavered from it, although the tale was too fanciful to have ever been believed. Heh. Now my Jenny Jones appearance where I disappeared on Carol having claimed to be going to the store to buy a box of cereal doesn’t sound so far-fetched does it? 😀

At this point I would like to elaborate and say that I am fully aware that my going to the store to buy a box of cereal story was not and never was intended to be sufficient to account why I left on a Friday and didn’t turn up until Monday morning (kind of like Jesus). It was enough that my story sufficed to get me OUT of the house of Friday and that was good enough. It was devised to serve a utilitarian purpose as well as with an eye to being able to retell the story for posterity.

No, my dear homies. If you’re going to take some time out to do dirt, don’t get all elaborate in weaving a tangled web. Remember the old adage about keeping it simple and things are sure to go a lot smoother. Either that or you can claim to have gotten amnesia kind of like Victor Newman on Young and the Restless. Shut up, my ex used to tape those and watch them every night so I ended up knowing the storylines entirely against my will.

2 Responses to “Plausible Deniability”

  1. Phelps says:

    If I ever run out on a woman to have a weekend affair, I’m going to go with the “half-lie” technique. I’ll tell her that I did have an affair, but it was with a guy, and even though I thought I was teh ghey, it turned out that she was just too sexy for me to stay away.

  2. I was only there to get directions away from there

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