teh Mexigogue

Ohhhhhhh! I get it. . .  SKIM milk, not skin.  It all makes sense now!

1620 - The Pilgrims, seeking to escape Europe as it has become “too Puerto-Ricany”, land on Plymouth Rock

1689 - English philosopher John Locke takes time out from doing British stuff in order to compose Two Treatise on Government.

1775 - My Marine Corps came alive

1776 - Thomas Jefferson plagiarizes John Locke’s political ideas in order to write the Declaration of Independence which he plans to use in order to impress Sally Hemings.

1865 - President Lincoln was assassinated by a southerner who was angry that the NCAA had not yet devised a way to figure out a proper national championship which left two undefeated teams as co-champions

1929 - Little Orphan Annie started the Great Depression, an act for which she was promptly punished by having her eyes gouged out

1938 - Neville Chamberlain scores 100 points against the New York Knicks but his team loses anyway and Hitler gets away with Czechloslovakia. Nice going STUPID!

1941 - Saddam Hussein attacks Pearl Harbor

1945 - The US ends the war by dropping the atom bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Japan responds by inventing Pokemon.

1964 - Malcolm X and Martin Luther King gun each other down in a drive by shooting at the Elks Lodge in South Lansing. John F. Kennedy is hit by a stray bullet by a guy who shot the parking lot up because he was denied entrance to the club.

1973 - Bruce Lee took a pain reliever for a headache he got from smoking hashish which triggered an allergic reaction causing his brain to swell. He died, leaving the Triads very disappointed as they had planned on killing him later that day.

1984 - Michael Jackson’s Thriller video came out on December 1. Carrot Top was rebuffed in his attempt to portray one of the zombies. The reason is that he was too creepy looking.

1991 - I got four digits from this girl in the parking lot of Starr’s Black & Tan at which time gunfire erupted and everybody broke wide. I never got the other 3 digits.

1997 - Carroll tried to drive the car with The Club on it. HAHAHAHAHA!

1999 - Michigan State University won the NCAA Tournament, thereby sealing bragging rights for the millennium. Don’t fret U of M, there’s always 2999.

I decided not to finish the two part story about Carver School in San Angelo.  Instead, I thought I would expound on the freedom motif.

Freedom is:

1. Being able to disregard other people’s objections when you make outlandish decisions because fuck you, I alone am going to be responsible for the consequences.
2. Recognizing that every idea, thought, edict, and moral judgment is subject to the rational intellect which is to say the self, and that if any of these ideas lack a moral and rational basis, that it is man’s duty (to himself) to oppose injustice.
3. Not being constrained by the rules of etiquette which say that it is your polite duty to laugh at stale jokes.
4. Laughing at impolite jokes despite the fact that everybody present is wearing teh mortified expression.
5. Openly drinking red wine in a thug bar instead of having the bartender put it in a schooner and having him refer to it as “red dog” because you’re scared of what others might think.
6. Repeating other people’s cool lines like “This aggression cannot stand, man” and “In the parlance of our times.”

Meditate on that!

Most people don’t know what freedom is. I can firmly attest to what it is because I’ve experienced what it isn’t. The following is the first in a two part series:

You might think this is a post about George Washington Carver the person. It is not. Among my numerous Texas stories from the past, there is one that I seldom relate and that one is as follows: In 1985, when my family moved from Michigan to Texas (minus my older brother who had already joined the Navy), I was in San Angelo all of two months when I decided that I hated it. As such I found gainful employment as a civilian working at the Lafonda Mess Hall at Goodfellow Air Force Base.

For two months I scrimped and saved every penny (my only indulgence I allowed myself being the purchase of a 35 millimeter camera) and by June I had managed to save up more than a thousand dollars. I promptly converted these to traveler’s checks and I made my escape back to Michigan, my Greyhound bus peeling out in a blaze of glory. I entered upon an agreement to share an apartment and expenses with my troubled friend Tyrone who was compelled to live away from his family due to various circumstances. Tyrone’s mother thought it a splendid plan and it was all arranged.

My plan was well thought out except that it was flawed in one respect: I was just 15 years old which made me a minor in the eyes of the law. My mother let me leave Texas, firm in the belief that my efforts would come to no avail and that I would slink back to Texas in defeat. When two months had passed by without that happening, my dear old mother played the trump card, by which I mean that she called Tyrone’s mother in Lansing threatening that if she did not send me back to Texas she would bring up charges of kidnapping. Tyrone’s mother capitulated in the face of the bluff and my triumphant return was thus cut short.

I cannot begin to tell how furious I was and how hopeless the situation seemed to me. I was dispatched back to the land of giant cowboy hats and belt buckles all the while racking my brains as to how to deal with the situation. My first impulse was to quit school and to shut myself into my room until my 18th birthday, taking care not to perform a single positive deed for fear of giving my mother the satisfaction of knowing that I had been conquered. Ultimately I decided against that as I’m not normally in the business of immolating myself for the purpose of freaking out the onlookers (morbid fantasies notwithstanding). Desiring to attain my ultimate goal of joining the Marine Corps, I made the decision to re-enroll at San Angelo Central High School.

This course of action was not an easy one. In the spring of ‘85 I had talked back to my English teacher Mrs. Livensparger for which I was sent to see the assistant principal Mr. Cervantez. Mr. Cervantez was a West Texas Mexican redneck, complete with the good ol’ boy drawl normally associated with the Texas Rangers of old (the lawmen, not the baseball players). Upon learning of my rebellious actions this assistant principal promptly threatened me by implications “I’da slammed yew up against the wawl!” at which time I loudly yawned. I was immediately kicked out of school and sentenced to 20 days at the George Washington Carver School for Bad People. I will finish relating this story tomorrow as right now I’m busy eating a burrito.

“The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.”

- George Bernard Shaw

“All religions are the same:  religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.”

- Cathy Ladman

I’m reading “Ayn Rand, Questions and Answers” and “The God Delusion” by Richard “Darryl” Dawkins.  I’m also planning on recreating some phenomenal debates I’ve had with my cousins regarding altruism, religion, free speech, and the proper role of government (among other things).  I have a smart family. 

My cousin and I were engaging in a bit of self-congratulatory discussion on this subject and I suggested that we should get ahold of some of those graduation caps with tassles and wear them at all times.  That wasn’t really MY joke, my daughter drew a character like that in one of her comics but I will not pass up the opportunity to usurp a comedic bit as long as I give credit for it.  For now that is all.  Until next time, nanoo nanoo (making Vulcan hand sign).

Here is the essay that won me first place in the citywide essay contest my sophomore year in high school.  It’s terrible I must warn you ahead of time:

Power:  a Study in Excesses

Power is an essential but potentially dangerous facet of society.  At its best, it is a necessary and useful means of achieving goals through the delegation of authority and responsibility.  At it’s worst, a corrupt sense of superiority can fester within the minds of those with power and become a cancerous detriment to a free society.  This can be true of anyone who obtains great power.  In short, no man is immune from becoming ensared by the temptation of dominion over others.

In the book Animal Farm by the late George Orwell, the animals of Manor Farm rebel against  their farmer.  Once the revolt proves successful, the animals look to the pigs for guidance.  Of these pigs, Napoleon is the most cunning.  He gradually assimilates all the power of the farm and uses the other animals for his high style of living. As the story closes, it is apparent that Napoleon has become as ruthless a dictator as the former farmer of manor farm.

Adolf Hitler is a prime historic example of a man who possessed and abused great power.  Through propoganda, charisma, and his use of ruthless tactics he obtained the complete support and obedience of Nazi Germany.  This one man took it upon himself to thrust the entire globe into the greatest war in the history of mankind and oversee the elimination of 11,000,000 Jews from the face of the planet.  That the fate of history once rested in the hands of a ruthless madman is a profound tragedy that should never be allowed to occur again.

I witnessed the abuse of power first-hand in the city of Columbus, Georgia.  Two police officers approached a young man and verbally assaulted him.  When he responded that it was improper for them to insult him, they shouted that they were police officers and threw him up against a wall.  He did not struggle but told them that they were unlawfully assaulting him.  They then battered him to the ground with their nightsticks and choked him until he stopped protesting.  They arrested him and drove off silently into the night.

In conclusion, this must be said:  this world cannot exist without power resting in someones hands.  We must, however, be certain that power is not given in such a proportion as to tempt those empowered to discard virtue in favor of dominion of others.  This can be achieved by our appropriate system of checks and balances because although there are a great number of good people, there are none that are completely immune to the temptations brought about by an excess of power.

I will turn the comments back on asking that for the time being you mofos limit yourselves to commenting about the article in question.  Any comments regarding me or my person life can be sent to me at mexigogue@gmail.com.  Thank you in advance for your compliance or you will get teh cancer.

Today I went to the corner store and began my day with a meal of fried chicken with a side of fries and fried okra.  Whatchu mothafuckas know about THAT?? (no fair Phelps answering cuz I know he knows plus nobody other than him is able to answer so hahaha!)

$

I am unable to access my gmail from this computer I’m on right now.  I will email a couple of you directly pretty soon, like tomorrow or something.  That is all for now.