teh Mexigogue

Ok, this is really gross. Evidently a lot of people already know about this site I’m going to mention. I’m just finding out about it. DO NOT OPEN THIS IF YOU’RE AT WORK. Hell, you might want to not open it ever. It’s gross, it’s bad, it’s naaaasty. It’s www.tubgirl.com . What the hell???

Somebody mentioned it on INTJ-Open yesterday and I viewed the site. How you talk someobody into doing something like this I do not know. Then I got to thinking, if I were a campaign manager for a political party I would hunt down this tubgirl chick. I’d find out who she was going to vote for in the upcoming election. If she said my candidate, I would bury that info. But if she said she supported my candidate’s opponent, I’d pay to put that on her website. TUBGIRL ENDORSES JOHN KERRY!!! or TUBGIRL ENDORESES DUBYA!!!!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! Disparagement by association I guess.

After all the point of an election is to win, right? And as long as we have elected representatives negative campaigning is going to be a fact of life. They used to call it mudslinging. Well when it gets really dirty, the gloves come off. Now they’ll be slinging tubgirl.

(I think I’m gonna be sick)

This rocks like nothing has ever rocked before. I have put a lot of thought and effort into this and I have finally created MY SUPER VILLIAN!!! You guys can look at it but you have to promise not to steal my idea. I am going to make money off of this. A lot of freaking money!!!

Going back to the D today. Too busy to use pronouns. No wait, damn that .

When I was a child I used to imagine that at this point in my life I’d be fighting crime at night, wearing some sort of costume. Well I figure you gotta live your dreams. So starting tonight I’m going to go out fighting crime. I need some ideas on some sort of costume, and a motif. I really cool origin would be a bonus but lest anybody get any ideas I’m not going to go out there and get bit by any radioactive spiders. How did the Hulk originate? Oh yeah, David Banner found out how much taxes they were really taking from him and he just lost it. Cool origin but that’s already been taken.

I’ll try to check in here before noon. Need costume idea. Remember, can’t really sew for shit. Jogging suit man is out.

Sappy E-mails that get forwarded around piss me off. This girl once forwarded one to me (and like 20 other people) because she thought it was particularly cute. It is as follows:

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you.
And share with you the beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue.
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own.
A place to find serenity,
a place to be alone.
If I could take your troubles,
I would toss them in the sea.
But all these things I’m finding
are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair.
But let me be what I know best
A friend that’s always there.

Ok, so you can see what I have to deal with here. So I composed a response and fired it back to the person as well as to everyone that had received her orginal E-mail. My response was:

If I could catch smallpox
I’d be sure to share with you
So we’d both feel the agony
and days of turning blue
If I could build a wall
that I could call my own
I’d place it right between us
and turn the ringer off my phone
If I could take your troubles
and things that make you cry
I’d put them in a bag with rabbits (and viagra)
and watch them multiply.
But all these things are impossible for me
I can’t catch smallpox (it was eradicated)
I can’t build a wall (I’m not mechanically inclined)
And I don’t have any rabbits
But I can give you some good advice

Never. NEVER hug me!

Ha ha ha!

First of all, I would like to extend my heartfelt propers to all those who competed in the Booby Wars. Everyone is a winner and all contestants will be sent (what else?), a Giant Squid and nachos. It’s in the mail (damn I got some strange looks at the post office.)

Second (ow! I bit my tongue). Secondly I would like to invite everyone to visit the terrible blog (linked appropriately enough under “links” over there on the left). It’s written by some dude from INTJ-Open who refers to himself as Laconis. He sounds depressed, maybe suicidal even. I think his blog is a cry for help. In my boundless compassion and mercy, I’ve taken to leaving irreverent comments on his blog for the purpose of ridiculing him. Kicking a man when he’s down is my way of encouraging him to get back up. Call it incentive I guess.

Oh yes. I also propose that we all start a new fad and hopefully it will catch on nationwide. Henceforth, we shall all cruise the city streets between 7 and 9 p.m. looking for midgets (bona fide midgets, grown people like 4′ 6″ and under, regular short people are too hard to overpower). When we catch them, we will jump out and catch them and bind and gag them and duct tape the jack of spades to their forehead. Thus begins the revolution. WHO IS WITH ME ON THIS?????!!!!!!!!

Connie Chung: Mr. Greenspan, you’ve done some of the most amazing work ever in regards to the economy. In your tenure you’ve overseen the longest period of sustained growth in US history. Double digit inflation now seems to be a thing of the past. What, in your opinion, has been the greatest development, economic or otherwise, that you have seen in your lifetime?

Alan Greenspan: I’m going to throw you for a loop here, because the greatest development I’ve ever witnessed has not been economic, it’s been The Booby Wars.

and;

William Raspberry: The Boobie Wars is not only opening up doors for many of us, that’s a given. But the real thing is that it’s really had the effect of becoming something of a transcendental experience. It’s shown us not only how we think and what we do, but it’s really come to define who we are and it’s given value and meaning to us as a whole. The effect that this is going to ultimately have on our world is at this point immeasurable.

Plus:

Ghandi: I know that nobody asked me but I would have to say that if I could come back to life and do any one thing, I would have to say that it would be to come back and kick Martin Luther King Jr. square in the nuts. This is because the philosophy of non violent resistance was really my idea, MLK just bit off of it, and I’m still pissed about that. But if I could do any other thing, it would be to visit the Mexigogue blog and vote on the Boobie Wars. Because I know I look like an old skinny dude and shit, but deep down inside I like nice healthy puppies. You know? Oh, and hi mom!

There you have it folks. Oh, and once again, it is:
Lauri and
Amanda

Here they are. I have gone through a lot of hard work to bring these to you. Make our votes count. I’m taking my black Mexican ass to sleep. I don’t get paid enough for this. Horrible stressful work having to take pictures of Lauri and download pictures of Amanda.

Lauri and
Amanda

Voting will end Monday at 12 noon eastern time.

Oh yes. Lest anyone think that we’re in the business of objectifying women here, I announce that all proceeds of this event will be donated to the Beneficial Organization for Underwriting Noble Careers for Sister Youth (BOUNCSY). All cash donations will be converted to ones. Dave and I will delivere these ones to the BOUNCSY representatives at the drop off point (either Omars or the Vu). That is all.

stop looking at my blog. no boobies to see here until. .. . maybe midnight, at the earliest.
(didn’t want to have you clicking for nothing)

The Boobie Wars will commence as soon as I get a cleavage shot of Lauri. I already have one of Amanda but it would be unfair to post it right now as, in the classic tradition of Boobie Wars, both sides must walk 20 paces then turn around and present at the same time. Since this is on the net, we shall dispense with the paces but they shall be presented simultaneously.

Blog visitors will each vote once. Fake blog trolls may vote as many times as they like providing they come back with a new fake persona each time. Boobies shall be judged on size, firmness, aesthetic quality, talent, and originality. In the event of a knockdown, the other boobs must go to a nuetral corner and there will be a manadatory 8 count. When I call break, break clean. Obey my instructions at all times. Ok, touch gloves in the middle, may the best mammary win.

Oh wait, we can’t start until I get a cleavage shot. Well we’ve got the rules out of the way anyway.

We now go to Larry Merchent, George Foreman, and Emmanuel Stewart for some pre-fight analysis:

Larry Merchent:

I think what we’re seeing here is going to be interesting in that these two women, while representing different cup classes, if you will, are both looking to bring the best of their respective divisions to the table. Amanda, obviously, is going to have size and power on her side. Lauri, on the other hand, is going to be a little more enigmatic. She was at her prime maybe two months ago and in the best condition of her life for Booby Wars. Since then, however, she’s gone down from the welterweight division down to a lightweight. Some would say what she’s losing in size she’s going to actually pick up in speed. How do you see it George?

George Foreman:

I’m going to have to disagree with that point right there. Speed is alway going to be a factor, but the key to this fight is going to be experience. You gotta remember that at her age, Amanda’s been carrying around these puppies since the end of the disco era. She’s been in there and tussled against the all time greats. She’s stood toe to toe with Tooty, she’s warred with Dolly Parton in her prime, and the experience she brings into this. . . that’s something that cannot be taught. Couple that with the fact that she knows all the old tricks of the trade, I think Lauri is gonna have more than she can bargain for on Saturday.

Emmauel Stewart:

You know we can analyze this until the cows come home, but in the end I think what’s going to make the difference is the training. Lauri’s camp has gotta be coaching her to get right in this and use her speed to go for the quick knockout. Four rounds is what they’ve gotta be shooting for at best. Because I tell you, if it gets into the later rounds, fatigue is going to become a factor. This is not so much a case of whichever side wants it more as it is going to be about who is going to be able to dictate the pace of this fight and the ability to fight it on their own terms. Lauri is looking to impress the judges with speed and number of hits. Amanda has gotta be looking for those power shots. Whichever way it falls, it’s gonna be a good one.

So there you have it folks. That’s about all we have for now. Don’t forget to be there this Saturday night. It’s gonna be showtime and we’re all looking to see a good show. Until then, this is the Mexigogue and you are. . . whoever you are. Good night!

This dude created a philosophy about his experiences as being a dude women like to have around only to fulfill their base intellectual needs. He says since they want him around him only for his mind he has become an intellectual whore. Look at this line from intellecutalwhores.com

Later in life I started encountering a certain breed of woman. To begin with they never wanted to sleep with me. Now, this by itself is okay–not all women will want to sleep with me. However, this particular breed wanted to have me around to talk to and to make them laugh, because I was so “entertaining” and “funny.” Some of them went so far as to describe our relationship as that of “friends”, and a few even had the audacity to talk to me about problems they had with other guys.

Later I realized what had been happening. I was being used for their amusement and entertainment while they were busy fucking outlaw bikers. Of course they weren’t interested in me sexually; they were too busy with guys with forearm tattoos. But apparently they still needed some intellectual stimulation. That’s when they would call me with an opening line like “Tell me something interesting.” or some other not-to-subtle line. I recalled the term intellectual whore and applied it to this situation. These women had made me into their intellectual whore. Since then I have dedicated a large part of my life to avoiding this trap, and the various bitches that try to put you in it.

This has something to do with The Ladder Theory which I’ve heard about before but never got into. So I’m finally reading it. I usually hate interpersonal relationship shit but this stuff is kind of interesting. The ladder theory is good because it makes me laugh. And after all, isn’t that what it’s all about?

Oh no wait, I forgot. It’s all about the hokey pokey. I must blog about the hokey pokey tomorrow. Forgive me hokey pokey gods, I’ve lost my way!