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April 2004

John Kerry’s Inner Circle

To the tune of the Beatles’ “Revolution”: Don’t you know it’s gonna beeeee, all white! The left. . .. the right. . . . .. I think I’m gonna take my ballot and fold it into a football. Somebody kick their fingers up like a goalpost!!

Death and Taxes

First Nikki has a heart attack, now my mom’s cat is dying. He’s kind of old so I didn’t notice that he’s not been moving very quick lately. He’s lost his catlike reflexes but I didn’t think much of it. Now today this HUGE abcess has suddenly appeared, about the size of a silver dollar […]

Nikki Tries to Weasel Out of a Debt

My friend Nikki borrowed $20 from me last week. She tried to weasel out of it last night by having a heart attack. Unfortunately for her, she’s still alive so she still owes me the money. Like an idiot she checked herself out of the hospital at 3:00 in the morning against doctors orders. I […]

Childrens’ Art Critic

I don’t know how many of you have seen this before, but I died laughing! It’s nice to know that there are others out there who aren’t afraid to be blunt. This critic of childrens’ art is the man! Don’t forget to click the link to the second page because it gets even better! Hoooooooooooo!

Addiction

Last night I played a pool player who subs for the team that just finished number one on the Monday night BCA pool league team in Lansing. Rever is the dog! In fact, Dave who is beating me down 16-6 in the Chicken Wars, is his protege. But last night I put together a very […]

Offensive

Ok, I’ve got people from too many groups that have been reading this blog. I can’t say anything without offending somebody. So let me get it out of the way by offending everybody: Mexicans: If I’ve never seen you before in my life don’t presume I’m supposed to be down with you just because I’m […]

Vindication

Rhino Gets Amourous with Car Hey! Now I don’t feel bad about waking up next to the occasional Big Chick!

Pie

Nothing more annoying than trying to pick up a hooker and she’s got her daughter tagging along because it’s bring-your-child-to-work-day. No, just kidding. Somebody just asked me where my children are. I said I missed a couple payments so the finance company came and snatched ’em back. Truth is, in years past, there was nothing […]

Horrible Dream!

No politics, no pool blog today. This dream I had yesterday was just awful: I’m at park on a summer day and somebody hands me a baby. It’s an extremely tiny baby, a preemie in fact. It’s so small, I have trouble holding it because I’m afraid I’m going to drop it. I hold it […]

Dracula Boy Goes to Washington

April 19 1995 – Oklahoma City Bombing April 19 1993 – Waco Branch Davidian Massacre April 19 1970 – I was born How ominous is that for you? I picture me infancy looking like Stewie from The Family Guy. I’m 34 today. In another couple years I will have drawn up to my full strength […]