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March 2004

COFFEE JIHAAD!!!!!!!

I’m issuing a fatwah, declaring a Jihaad against all Coffee Infidels! By Coffee Infidels, I mean those Disbelieving Fools who would dare Drink of the Last Cup of Coffee from the Office Coffee Pot and Shirk their Duty to Make a New Pot. Now, in Orthodox Islam, the term Shirk signifies the Greatest Sin which […]

The End of the Pool League Season

Tomorrow will be the last pool league game for our season so there is some extra incentive for us to do well. We’re fighting for final position in the rankings and we want to finish on a positive note. My team’s female player Lauri prepared by FALLING DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS this weekend. Hmmm. . […]

Coincidence?

Am I the only one who has noticed this? I’m looking at this picture of the new Hamas leader and it strikes me as kind of eerie that the picture of the recently deceased Hamas founder Ahmed Yassin in the background looks a lot like Gandalf. Now I’m not saying that the guy is gonna […]

Sex Education

The schools have evidently been teaching my kids sex education stuff. My eleven and eight year olds were repeating some blather about babies, the reproductive system, and the penis. I corrected them, telling them that the proper name is doo-hilly. My daughter spritzed Squirt onto the floor when I said that. I have to use […]

CHEESE-US CRIES!!!

I’m about sick of these Catholics in the office having a panic attack every time I say “JESUS CHRIST!” just because it’s Lent. Number one, they insist that I’m blaspheming. I say I’m not. I’m just saying ‘Jesus Christ’ and if that’s blasphemy then we need to ban the freaking Bible. They say I’m not […]

I’ve Been Seeing Other Blogs

This struck me as funny. I post this for two reasons: I want people to laugh, and I also want to see if I’m doing this trackback thing right. I trust someone will let me know if I’m not.

WTF?

I don’t believe this even as I type it. If you got bitch-slapped by Richard Simmons, would you file a lawsuit? Would you want anybody to even find out about it??? I wish I was the judge in this case. I would call both sides up to the bench and I would slap the plaintiff […]

Nostalgic

Last night I got home after pool league play a little after midnight and I suddenly had the desire to call my ex-wife. I hadn’t talked to her in nearly a year but I dialed her Detroit number from memory. I spent four years of my life with her and she’s the mother of my […]

Experiment

I need a bunch of people to try this. . . I’ve already tried it but a true scientific study must be replicated just to show it’s not a fluke. You guys all do this and tell me the results. Take a rubber band, any old rubber band that you would find in your office, […]

Leroy’s Team Defectors

The scuttlebut is that two of my pool team players are going to form a new team next year. I wish them all the (bad) luck in the world. Really. It’s fine. Lauri can be the captain of Leroy’s team 12 next season since her penmanship is better than mine. We need to sucker Dave […]